Ultimate Betrayal

Grow up mate. It's 1 photograph.

A betrayal would be having an affair. Finding out she has run up hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt. NOT taking a nice pic with her mum and dad.

I'm betting you're VERY hard work, controlling and jealous. Not boding well for your marriage really.

You sound surprised at the gender bias on MN! Had you not reversed the genders you would have got far more sympathetic responses, it would still have been all his fault, he would have been evil for leaving you to deal with the children for starters!

Oh, you definitely were.

Probably insta Op.

This makes more sense now. I did think it weird for a man to give the slightest fuck about photos.

And I hope you would make the same snide remark to a woman trying to attend her husband's graduation or whatever but we all know that wouldn't happen. He must always put his 'little family' before all else, his birth family would be well down the list of priorities.

This is not about you. This whole post comes over like a self absorbed prat who really should have just apologised for being late and sucked it up.

It's a photo, you need to get a grip if that's all that went wrong!

The "betrayal" was the fact he had smiling photos with his family, op's inlaws, then was not smiling in the ones where his dc were whinging and misbehaving.

I guess OP thinks it suggests to everyone he loves her less, or spitefully doesn't want her to have a good photo...

The OP admitted it's a reverse. Her husbands getting his degree and she's annoyed and didn't get the pictures.

Not just a betrayal, the ultimate betrayal!

Well I’m an academic and I’ve never heard of graduation ceremonies allowing more than two guests per graduand. Strange to consider this a betrayal. Kids shouldn’t really attend the ceremonies anyway, they’re boring as fuck.

⬆️ I tend to agree. Probably wouldn’t have called you a twat but you do sound like a sulky child!

I don’t understand why YOU’RE the one who’s pissed off - if anything, your wife has more reason to be. What was she supposed to do in your absence? Not take any photos at all? Miss her celebration because you couldn’t get yourself & the kids there on time?

If you want a nice photo of your family, there’s nothing stopping you from doing it yourselves at some point when the kids aren’t upset - you can all dress up - your wife still has her diploma & you can hire or borrow a gown - they’re not expensive.

BUT at the end of the day, the fact you haven’t got the photos you wanted was down to YOU. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Except it is actually a man who has achieved an OU degree while working nightshifts. His wife feels betrayed because she was late and wasn't in the right set of photos and wants to make his graduation a family photo opportunity instead of a celebration of his hard work, because she supported him.

Christ on a bike. Here’s me with my popcorn hoping to read about illicit shagging and disputed parentage at the very least…

Instead it’s yet another disorganized bloke who is surprised on a daily basis that children are hard work. I also note he’s lucky enough to be married to an awesome female with multiple young kids who has smashed a degree as well, bless her heart.

I see now that this was a reverse, why not just tell the truth from the start OP ?
Because re pregnancy and birthing there are obviously differences between the sexes and you would have had different responses. There were red flags in your OP which would read rather differently knowing that you are the one doing the bulk of the child care etc.
You have been pregnant or post natal for the last five years, while also bringing up small children, and that is a very different position to the other way round.
Also the ultimate betrayal stuff hasn’t helped you.

I don't understand why you didn't organise to be there early.
Kids could have diven up with their aunt etc.or stayed home with baby sitter.

It's madness that your wife didn't have you there with her parents and no one else.

However, I think you should purchase the nice photo and also one realistic one with you and kids.

Stop behaving snooty and hard done by when you were late.

Wtf did I just read? I bet you're a joy to live with. Leave on time next time something is time critical.

Your making this all about you

Honestly it ws crazy to take 4 under 5 to a graduation event just to get photos. They dont give a crap. Why couldn't you just stay home with kids, let partner have their graduation. You could have easily done photos before she left

And who cares if you paid for stuff it a joint relationship with joint money.

If this is your idea of being "stabbed in the heart" etc. and "ultimate betrayal", I hate to think how you would cope with a real problem.

You are married, yet there’s a lot of “I PAID” here. If my DH was treating me like this I would be paying, for a divorce lawyer.
You sound incredibly hard work and resentful.
Re the party photos, maybe your wife didn’t think it was the enormous problem that you seem to think it is. Re the wedding, could you get the time off ? If the sister assumed you couldn’t go, was she right ? Perhaps your wife’s family don’t like you, and maybe all this drama of “ultimate betrayal” is the reason.
With four children, snacks and drinks should have been packed and ready in the car the night before. Im sure it’s hellish in the mornings so you do everything you can in advance. Parking is obviously going to be tricky if a lot of people are graduating, so you did need to leave much earlier.
Re the time slot , Dd had a slot at just this time and she hadn’t left it late, the slots just go incredibly quickly and sometimes there isn’t a choice. You want to blame your wife, your wife who has birthed FOUR children in five years while also doing a degree, for every tiny thing you don’t like. Carry on like this and you won’t have a marriage at all.
Like everyone else I am utterly baffled at why you think your wife having photos with her family is The Ultimate Betrayal. It’s beyond ridiculous, and this sort of overblown me me me drama must be dismal to live with.