Ultimate Betrayal

You sabotaged something that was meant to celebrate your wife's achievement. You had one job - get yourself and the kids there on time - and you completely fucked it.

You have no right to be upset whatsoever.

I’m completely intrigued as to how anyone could go for ‘a lovely lunch’ with four under fives? It sounds like a complete oxymoron.

You are jealous about your wife's achievement and deliberately sabotaged her day
You were unable to do a simple task such as leave on time and sort the kids out.
You are a terrible partner and parent
You really should be ashamed of yourself

Grow up

You should have taken responsibility for ensuring the logistics worked out. It was her day.

I was quite harsh in my original post because - with the genders reversed - it read like an emotionally abusive husband resenting the day being about his wife’s achievement and trying to spoil her day by playing the victim. It also read like someone who was not the primary carer acting like he was the one who deserved the accolade for getting his children dressed and breakfasted.

I would have answered differently (more sympathetically) if I had known OP had given birth to 4 children in the last 5 years (with all that entails) whilst her husband was studying.

I still think though you need to take a step back and assess the bigger picture. Im glad it turns out that you didnt kick off on the actual day - because that would have been something you wouldnt have been able to undo. Your husband would always remember you made his day about you and your slighted feelings. The photos are clearly a big deal to you and that is valid. So think about how this can be made right now.

Respectfully, I would also think about how you regulate your emotions. If you feel this level of hurt and betrayal over this incident (and obviously hold deep rancour for past events too), itll be tough as your children get older and develop their own wills and personalities. There will be worse betrayals to come!

To call this the ultimate betrayal reflects a depressing lack of imagination.

You should have left on time or got childcare for the day. Lazy arse you are.

Usually you can buy extra photos and family members can even if you have prebooked. Don't they give your a code or something? As photographers want to sell as many as possible.

I think it's not really a family friendly event and I probably would have left the kids with someone else if I were you so you could go, or just give the whole thing a miss. Especially with four under 5.

I can understand why you wanted to be in the photo having supported him through it, but the qualification is the main thing, not the photo. Not having managed a great photo doesn't take away from that.

I'm not sure that reversal test really worked. Female, male, donkey you were still unreasonable and a complete arse for the sake of a photo.

You think the photo is memory. The real memory will be how disorganized you were and how late you were. That is what everyone will remember.

Do you like your MIL?

OP this is so utterly irrational. What do you mean "apparently can't have" with you?

It did not work on this occasion and we can all see exactly why: the kids were tired and uncooperative.

Or do you think, deep down, that having you present wipes the smile off his face? Because that is another whole thread and the logistics of car-parking and hungry children etc are irrelevant.

It would appear communication and maturity has left the building.

I'd say you're both in the wrong. I attended my graduation back in September. Kids, family, me..all arrived on time, all photos taken etc. I don't know your circumstances, but you both need to be more organised, communicating, and working as a team. Thoughtlessness on both sides, but definitely should not have to pick awful photos. Your wife has worked hard for this degree. It's not all about you.

Are you a woman? You sound it.

"Ultimate Betrayal" 😅😆😂

Does anybody else not think that the Grandparents should have offered to look after the children for a few hours while the wife and husband attend the ceremony together. My lovely kind MIL did this when my husband received his Master’s degree. However, we only had 2 children. I am a GP now so I do know that looking after 4 is hard but my husband and I could have done it together for a few hours.

Oh come on. It was a really important event. I hope you really supported her whole degree, not just thought you were special for paying for a few photos. You had two simple options. Bring the children to stay the night before or have an early night and get them up early, fed and watered. You also could have researched and organised the parking properly. Your children missed most their Mum's special event because you couldn't parent them for a few hours properly

Ah I missed the bit where it was a reverse. I think missing out that your OH was disorganised in the planning too was an issue that was key info. But still think you're being unreasonable tbh

I wasn't sure why the kids were hungry? Why didn't you pack proper food / snacks?

YABU to ruin your wife's special day by being disorganised and late.

I am happy for her that she got a nice family photo.

Grow up.

@Mufasa1992 I can understand why your DH liked the concept of all his family being there but he was wrong and both of you should have arrived at that conclusion after a 5 minute chat discussing logistics.

Taking 4 young DC to a graduation over 2 hours away for 1 photo is fucking nuts

Grow up mate. It's 1 photograph.

A betrayal would be having an affair. Finding out she has run up hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of debt. NOT taking a nice pic with her mum and dad.

I'm betting you're VERY hard work, controlling and jealous. Not boding well for your marriage really.

You sound surprised at the gender bias on MN! Had you not reversed the genders you would have got far more sympathetic responses, it would still have been all his fault, he would have been evil for leaving you to deal with the children for starters!

Oh, you definitely were.