Ultimate Betrayal

Massive dick

Not sure how old your wife is, but presuming as a mother of 4 her parents haven't funded her studies, she didn't need to have them there, never mind her siblings. Why didn't you get her parents, or siblings to look after the children so that you could attend with her.

Ultimate betrayal?? Fuck me, you're dramatic as fuck.
It was always going to be a disaster, small kids are shit at occasions which is why they're best left at home...

There's something wrong with you.

Oh, so you’re the female then? Cheer up, the posts will change tone now. 😂😂😂

Behave yourself OP.

Your wife has had 4 kids in under 5yrs and still managed to study and graduate.

Literally your only job here is to congratulate her and beam with pride.

Not sure why you took the children to be honest, It's not really their sort of thing is it?

When DH received his PhD we booked and paid for 4 hotel rooms overnight, (DM, DS, DD +1 and DH and me) the night before to be sure we'd all be there on time and we were all adults with no problem getting up and dressed early. Seems if the photos were so important to you you'd have the effort to plan properly and be on time.

Photos on high-stakes special occasions with strict timings and lots of little kids are much more likely to be a stressy disaster than not. Little kids are notoriously uncooperative, and don’t take well to being rushed. There will be lots more occasions to take photos, and lots more nice photos in the future, so don’t worry about this one.

I think you’re getting hung up on the photos because you’re feeling unappreciated and taken for granted while you bore and raised his children and supported him in getting a degree, and it would be worth having a heart to heart with your husband about that, and giving him the chance to make you feel appreciated.

No, read the thread. The person who graduated is male.

Please pass on my congratulations to your wife. The fact she has graduated whilst having 4 very young kids sounds bloody amazing!

Contact the photographer and pay extra for a print of the photo with you and the kids. They will still have it on file if they’re anything like the photographers from the graduations I’ve recently attended.

Honestly it sounds like you both have piss poor organisational skills and with the best will in the world dragging 4 under fives to a graduation day is batshit.

Let it go and move on (and dress up and get AI to pop you into the good photos if it's that important to you).

She managed to get a degree while being pregnant and birthing 4 children in quick succession?? This woman is a super hero. You need to give your head a wobble. Move on.

Absolutely this. This was YOUR fault. Why on earth are you trying to suggest it’s your wife who is the issue?
I would imagine your wife would have loved to have a gorgeous photo with you and your children. YOU prevented that, not her.
Get over yourself.

I don't really follow the official photo bit. Package was booked in advance for one photo of graduate and one with family members. You were supposed to be there before the ceremony for the official photos but didn't get there in time (or not in enough time to settle the kids) so you and the kids were only in unofficial photos.

When my son graduated in the summer he was given a timeslot for official photos. His was before the ceremony. If you missed your slot it could not be guaranteed that you could be fitted in later as there was a stream of ceremonies and loads of graduates and families to get through.

So I read it as your husband was running out of time to get his official photos done so he took his mum and dad in rather than risk wasting the slot which makes sense. Even if there had been a few mins to squeeze in the official photos after you arrived, the kids were cross, hungry and crying and the photos would have been shit anyway.

Or have I got that wrong? Is the real issue that you think he could/should have waited until after the ceremony/your arrival to go in for the official photos? Was that an option? Or was there no allocated time slot?

The only mistake you and your DH made was trying to insert the kids into his big day and a restaurant meal when they would have been happier at nursery. Just a weird time to prioritise a family photo when it’s about an individual’s achievement, with partner’s support.

If a bloke works nights and is studying for a degree, AND has 4 children under 5, then it’s hard to think of an example of something his partner could say that makes her the selfishest person you’ve ever met. My colleague has 2 kids, only one of them is under 5, doesn’t work nights, gets study leave and just finished a degree. We all congratulated him and his wife because we know what a load that puts on the family.

There you go OP, you've finally starting to realise your real problem. Start asking yourself why you are jumping through hoops and prioritising only him, at the detriment to you and four very young children. When are you going to balance their interests (your day trip was fraught with many minefields) and happiness against just his? No normal, sane person would have attempted what you tried to do without another adult for support. Why did you feel you had to do it?

Except yours is one of the most selfish posts I’ve ever heard. Bloke works nights and gets a degree. You are incapable of getting your own children there and that’s all his fault? Or the car parks. Or the traffic. Or absolute anything other than you owning that the root of all this was your failure to get the kids ready in time.

I don't understand how someone old enough to be married with multiple kids wrote this post or even thought it

edit - the original post not yours, if that wasnt obvious, no idea how i managed to quote it soz

This is a minor point perhaps but having read all your posts, you seem to have a bit of martyr syndrome.

You sound like you have a lot of kids to wrangle BUT also, a husband, and a bigger extended family.

Why do you set up for parties all alone? Why don't you ask family members to help? Why don't you delegate some of the tasks to family members?

Also - why don't you communicate a bit more clearly?
Examples:
"Photos are important to me guys, please don't take the formal photos without me".
"Oh I would have loved to attend the wedding - please don't assume that I can't get time off without checking with me"

Etc

I just feel like you are a bit passive and then stuck in martyrdom and self pity. Just say what you want clearly - politely of course - but clearly.
And stop trying to do everything all by yourself when you have resource available to you. Just ask for help!

Ffs. What a stupid reverse. OP has wasted her and everyone else’s time because this isn’t about gender bias what with men not being able to be pregnant/give birth 🙄🙄🙄

Overly dramatic much.

Your wife managed to be pregnant and birth 4 kids while doing her degree and graduating - and you’re acting like it’s the ultimate betrayal OF YOU that you couldn’t manage to get them out the door on time one single day for a photo that you wanted? Make any of this make sense. I am really struggling to see how you are the victim, to the point of this being the ULTIMATE betrayal. If I were her I’d have the major ick that after all I’d managed to achieve - four pregnancies, four kids, four births, all while doing a degree/phd - I’m married to a man who can’t even get to a place on time with said children, complaining he had to do it “on his own” and couldn’t find parking and the children were hungry. You couldn’t foresee entirely foreseeable problems for one single morning - she’s had four kids and done a degree over years!!!

Understandably, it must’ve been stressful taking the children on a 2 1/2 hour journey for you.
But to be angry at your wife for being happy in pictures with others and celebrating her achievement is very selfish. I think your anger is more about how you deal with your own frustrations, about the horrible journey, about the children being upset, about not getting a nice family photograph, and very possibly about her success and enjoyment on the day.

It seems to me you have transferred your own frustrations and anger onto your wife for her to somehow soothe you and take responsibility when actually it was you who really needed to do everything in your power to set aside your anger and frustrations with the journey and the children and the photograph and be pleased and proud for her on her day.
Mentioning you had paid for the photograph and her gown, is irrelevant and some sort of justification mentality which is petty and unreasonable like you are expecting to be owed something and have not just contributed kindly without expectation for something for yourself.

I think it is worth you looking at your own frustrations and feelings and letting yourself work through them rather than attempting to make her feel responsible for your feelings by blaming her and making her feel bad. She was in no way unreasonable or responsible. We all have to smile through anger and frustration and pain and put our feelings aside when the higher goal is to show solidarity and support and pleasure at our partners success.