Ultimate Betrayal

You didn't make the effort to get up early enough and get organised to be there on time and so you messed up your wife's big day. I think that's a better interpretation of what happened.

You managed travelling with one child? Congratulations! Have you tried it with 4? Just wondering.

It sounds quite bluntly that you ruined your wife’s day and made it about you.
If you anticipated being late, why didn’t you leave earlier. Honestly you sound like a narcissist and have some nerve coming on a women’s forum and expect sympathy for this jealous and entitled behaviour.

You should read all the OP’s comments.

Christ, it’s some family photos. I think you are overthinking and sound a little unhinged.

Take some nice ones another time, don’t ruin what should be a happy time for her with this drama.

You should definitely read all the OPs comments - it’s not just about the graduation - it’s more because she (OP is actually the wife it turns out) feels she JS aleays being left out by her husband and his family when they get together.

Im
so sorry for you op that you got left in this position, however, prior planning from you is definite grounds to learn from.
I have a now 2yr old at time of travelling he was 20month I managed a 6hr trip across country we left at 5am he was dressed and fed by the time we left. I noticed others around me with children older just wandering about in their pyjamas!!
I’m sorry but no matter what time it is have some damn decency to dress your kids!! You wanted your kids dressed , I totally get you on this. You did however poor plan. We all fuck up we are all human that’s what happens. I think you just take it on the chin and take your own pictures gown dressed and all. We make our own memories in this world xx

You know you could use AI to re-create the perfect family photo dont you?
Either that or ask him to do further degree like masters or PhD so all of you could go to another ceremony.

It may be helpful to ask yourself why you are being so triggered by this situation. It doesn’t feel like it’s about the graduation but maybe more about the fact that you feel that she is moving onward and upward maybe or maybe you’re feeling like you’re not being prioritized as much as you want to be. Really important to just ask yourself why this is bothering you so much because I doubt very much it’s just about the photos.

Honestly, every time I have planned to have photos with my little ones, it has turned out to be a nightmare and somebody is always crying. That is kids for you and that is life. Honestly, don’t get yourself stressed out about it. This was her day and it’s about celebrating her achievement. You can always book a photo shoot another time with her and the kids. That would be a lovely Mother’s Day gift.

This.

Ultimate betrayal is what happened to my relative who supported her husband through his doctorate, got pregnant and he went off and shagged someone else while she was in labour.

This is not about you. It's about ....photos. Get a grip.

She probably just got swept up in the excitement of the day and didn’t over think the photo situation. It’s probably all about something deeper as to why this hurt you so much but for argument sake I’ve answered your question.

Imagine that you have won £5 million on the lottery, but the condition is that you must turn up at the lottery company HQ at 10am next Wednesday morning tomorrow to claim the prize. If you arrive at 10:01 you lose the lot.

Are you going to get the kids up at 8am and drive the 50 miles to lottery HQ? No. You're going to get a hotel the night before, within walking distance. You're going to check in at 4pm. You're going to be in bed by 10pm. You're going to have three phones and hotel giving you an alarm call.

Why? Because that lottery win would obviously be really, really important to you. If your wife's graduation, and your kids being in the pictures, was really, really important, you would have done all the logistics differently. Maybe not a hotel within walking distance, but you would have made more solid arrangements. The fact that you didn't means that deep down it wasn't actually all that important. You might have told yourself that it was. You might still be telling yourself that it was. But it just wasn't. When things are important, other things get reprioritised.

That usually also includes money. Unless you're living hand to mouth, you could have found some money to make this process work better, and reprioritised some other use that you might have had for that money.

There's actually nothing wrong with your wife's graduation not being top of your priority list to the point that you were prepared to move heaven and earth to make it happen without a hitch. We can't make everything super-important. But you can't have it both ways. Either this is sufficiently important that when it goes wrong it's the Ultimate Betrayal, or it isn't, in which case, learn some lessons for next time (for example, that getting toddlers up and out the door for something they don't understand is not easy).

My son graduated this year. The ONLY opportunity for the professional family photo was before the ceremony. The photographers weren’t there afterwards. You’d have known that if you’d been there on time.
I’m sure your wife appreciated you making her big day about you.

This is all so odd.

why didn’t you just get one of her parents to take a photo with their phone of you, her and the kids?

why didn’t you plan for the parking situation? It’s quite obvious that graduations are big events and have loads of people travelling there?

why did you risk lateness?

ultimate betrayal? No. Just forget it and move on

im surprised you have time to ruminate on this with 4 small kids

YABU. In this day and age you can use AI so you are all in the photos happy and smiling. Just get new photo done from original and add kids in then just move on and forget about it. Don't let ut ruin your wife's achievement.

Pack a lunch and snacks for kids?!

Only one person fucked up here and it’s not your wife. Big baby.

4 kids under 5, you deserve a medal to be able to get them out of the door by 8 am on your own, it's a shame for the photo especially after going all that distance.

God I thought “ultimate betrayal” was going to be “my partner slept with my sibling/best friend” and not this.

This thread is rather confusing, but OP you've obviously done a lot to support your husband in getting his degree and it sounds like you would have liked that support to have been recognised/appreciated by him, and that is why you're upset.

I get photo FOMO too sometimes, its easy to read it as you being forgotten but really its down to the whereabouts of people in a fleeting moment!

Four 5 and under must be chaos, hats off to you. I have three 5 and under and I'm barely coping! I am finding with three I really have to assess how doable things are now, and recognise where an activity/event might actually be more trouble than it's worth. I think this was one of those events for you!

WTF is wrong with you?? Over reaction and making it all about you.

Ultimate betrayal? I was expecting an opening post with a plot line akin to the Eastenders Christmas duff duffs. This is ridiculous. Christ knows how you’d react if someone took your last rolo.

You should probably read all the OPs messages.

OP is the Mum (she did a gender reverse)

DH left it too long to get an afternoon slot for graduation which would have meant an easier day for the kids.

He was the one who insisted they should come.

The venue offered both before and after ceremony photo slots.

On a previous occasion at her kids birthday party arranged by the OP with photographer booked by the OP the in-laws insisted on taking the group photo while the OP was out of the room changing her clothes.

It was probably the simple fact that ahe had to have those photos taken then and couldn’t include you because you were not there .