Ultimate Betrayal

I may be wrong but this sounds very much like an Open University graduation in which you can choose the ceremony time and even the venue.

The OP has switched roles. She has 4 children under 5 while he worked nights, studied for a degree and she does all the mornings and god knows what else. It would be more helpful if she could start again tbh and give a truer picture of what life is like.

It seems you are most upset about the way the family photos turned out, which was a bit of bad planning on your part, plus a bit of bad luck.

It isn’t your husband’s fault the family photos turned out poorly. If he hadn’t been photographed with his parents it wouldn’t have made the photos with your children any better. It just would have meant he didn’t have the option to buy the nicer photo with his parents instead. You’d have ended up with a bad family photo, instead of no family photo, and it doesn’t seem like you’d have been happy with that outcome, either.

You just have to chalk it up to bad luck/poor decision making as I never would have attempted that! You had to have realised you were taking a risk that it would go poorly with such a long car ride and very small children!

I’ve also never heard of a photographer that wouldn’t allow you to buy an extra photo even if it wasn’t in the “package.” They’ve already taken the photos, they’d be happy to sell you a second one. Whether you want to pay for the bad family photo is a different consideration but doesn’t change the fact that that photo you actually want just didn’t happen, and that isn’t DPs fault!

I mean this in the nicest possible way: get over yourself, OP.

Then why do yourself such a disservice by misrepresenting the situation?

At the same time, I stand by what I said - why would anyone want a graduation photo with four crying children when other pics are available?

The party photo is a separate issue and not at all the same.

1. You can’t “choose” the slot in which you graduate, you are given a day and time
2. I completely understand kids are hard to get ready, and traffic/parking can be a pain, BUT if you failed to leave on time, failed to book appropriate parking, and failed to feed them properly while they were in your care, how is that your wife’s fault?

Unless there is a huge backstory/dripfeed, could this not read: partner has to look after kids and organise stuff on a special occasion - wife’s graduation - and encounters major obstacles; then blames wife for choosing photos of non grumpy kids?

But you also kept mentioning that you paid for the photographer at the birthday party. And the gown… this thread is so weird.

Who cares what gender you are?

I just don’t even understand what this is about

You were late you knew you weren’t gonna be there for Photos so what the hell is the problem?

and actually, why did you take them anyway? It’s not really an event for kids. You just took them for a photo?

You really thought you were doing something by reversing the genders 😅.

Have you seen the photos with you and the kids in? Are they OK or is it obvious they were having strops and crying?

How has your husband who works nights managed to get a degree, especially while you have 4 children under 5? I understand you being proud of him blah blah, but when does he have time for parenting?

Reversing the sex is really bloody irritating by the way. It nearly always makes a difference what sex the poster is. In safeguarding a mother with so many children under 5 is a possible red flag for her being vulnerable and isolated and in a potentially abusive relationship. Not so for the dad as he doesn't have the pregnancy and breast feeding etc factors, he can just bugger off to work and drinks after. Obviously I am massively oversimplifying but you haven't helped yourself by doing sex reversals.

What have I read?

You left over an hour late. Didn’t have snacks for the kids.And now you’re angry and feeling ‘betrayed’ because your wife took lovely photos with her family?

How bloody selfish are you?

👏👏👏👏

this thread could have stopped here..

'Ultimate betrayal'. Dramatic much?

I thought you were going to tell us you somehow discovered that your wife had been having an affair with her tutor, and you only discovered it when you arrived late and caught them snogging in a dark corner.

I don't care whether you've a penis or not, YABU. A graduation is not a place to take 4 under 5. If you couldn't get childcare you should've just let him have his day.

“Various educational providers”? Thought you said they’re in nursery? :s 😵‍💫
why did you run around? Why couldn’t you send an email?

To be fair a married man with multiple children noting he paid for his wife's graduation gown does raise flags as it sounds like it's 'his money' and 'her money' instead of 'family money' and 9 times out of 10 she's doing the bulk of the child raising and he's earning most of the money. The fact you are the woman doesn't remove that concern - do you both have equal access to family money? Hopefully you just mean that you organised it?

You should have left earlier. Where is the betrayal. Was your wife not to take any photos of her and her parents and brothers/sisters? The DC were unhappy because you were disorganised. And it was your DW's day, not yours, so you should have been more organised. It's not all about you. It's all about her. Very likely she is upset/annoyed you couldn't be bothered to arrive in time and there are only poor pictures of her and her DC on her big day. You should apologise immediately and stfu.

You know phones come with cameras, don’t you . . . ?

I’ve woken my small kids, left the house at 3am to catch flights… Also did same when my husband was graduating from his masters in another country. Even managed to be in the hall before ceremony started. It’s doable if you really want to, albeit I didn’t have 5 preschoolers.

Now you see why that doesn’t work.

Societal expectations and biological reality are different for men and women, however much you might wish that wasn’t true.

Ok good for you for organising one birthday party, that is like maybe 1/629181736th of what mothers have to do throughout their child’s life. x4 for your kids

There’s a difference between training with young kids and giving birth to 4 or more kids whilst training. Surely you can see that?

This is something you have to be on time for so you’d get up planning to leave for 7. You take food for the kids so they are not hungry. Or plan a stop on the way. Or you could’ve gone up the night before. You go early, having anticipated parking likely to be tricky.

The official photo was unlikely to be any good unless you’d done all of the above and even then it’s in the hands of the gods with kids. I don’t know how old they are but perhaps someone on your side of the family could’ve looked after them?

Your use of language is somewhat worrying. Betrayal? Stabbing you in the back? Isn’t this a day that was to celebrate your wife’s achievement and, like most things with young kids, it just didnt go quite as well as hoped?