Ultimate Betrayal

But you havent got any clarity because you reversed the genders for god know why. So now you only have a cascade of responses you WOULDNT have gotten if you had been real about your situation.
And that is because the roles of men and women have been set so unequal in our society that this story looks completely different thru those two lenses.
Now its just an insanely confusing thread about a very different story than yhe one thats actually going on.
And for gods sake just get to the point of the issue. You not feeling appreciated or loved for the support and work you do for your family and husband.
The photo being one small example.

There are different cost packages. When my eldest son graduated first time we had individual ones of him and also a photo of me, my husband and his younger brother in a group with him. When he got his masters degree he was engaged ( they graduated Wed and got married that Friday) so we had pic of him and fiancee in graduation gowns then pic of family with them both in a big group. You can have anything you like you just have to pay for it. We did same type of thing for youngest son. He was a different uni.

So what i'm hearing is that you were disorganised, and therefore left an HOUR late, didn't pack any snacks for the long car journey, or presumably anything for the kids to do to keep them happy during the journey... and showed up so late that your wife took a few photos before you arrived. And YOU are angry with HER? Next time show some basic organisational skills and don't be late to important, once-in-a-lifetime events?

I can't believe you called this total non-issue 'ultimate betrayal'. Are you always such a drama llama? It's like almost gas-lighting behaviour - you were in the wrong by being so late, but you've clung to this non-issue to twist the narrative and make your poor wife the bad guy.

@Mufasa1992 I think the big learning you both need to take away from this is:

Does every big /important/ significant occasion really require the presence of young DC? Particularly if it is some distance away from home.

If your young DC aren't present does this diminish the achievements of your DH and you supporting him?

Not every occasion needs the whole family to be there as this will cause more organisation, more stress and take away from the real purpose of the day which was to celebrate your DH's degree and how you supported him.

Presumably she wanted to get there on time to gown up, take a few photos and enjoy the atmosphere of the day. She is married to this silly man and was no doubt aware that he'd faff about, be late and be unable to organise the children so she removed herself from the stress ON HER DAY.
We always stayed in a hotel in the graduation city the night before to avoid this stress. My exhusband refused to do this and missed eldest sons graduation because of traffic and no parking.

The photo was symbolic for you. It was an opportunity to acknowledge the sacrifice you and the children have made to enable him to achieve his degree. The timing and traffic were unfortunate, but you clearly worked hard to get everyone ready and out for a time that was not reasonable/logical for 4 kids under 5. Him leaving it too late to choose afternoon slot was inconsiderate. I'm really not sure what to think about him choosing a photo with parents and siblings, but I think it's almost irrelevant. In your shoes, I would say "I feel like we need a momentum of this special day with our own family. Can we schedule a reasonably priced photo session with a photographer with you in your cap and down, and we go for nice meal afterwards" - just the two of you if you can get babysitter. Return to graduation venue to take them if you can.

Maybe she really wanted a child free drama free day. Let it go and say sorry.
Its her day not yours.

Why do you keep saying YOU paid for the photos? Your husband has been studying, why isn’t it family money?

I agree the experience sounds like hard work. You could have mitigated this with better organisation on your part. But you were completely out of order to have turned this into an argument on his graduation day.

What’s all this bullshit about photographs. Do you still have a Nokia 3310? Any reason why you couldn’t take family photos yourself, one of the in laws or a passer by would probably have been happy to help. I always ask young passers by to take our family pics as young people are so great at getting all the angles and giving you 20 pictures in your phone to pick from.

Your wide needs a medal , 4 kids under 5 , completed a degree and you for a husband ?
Something just not adding up here at all

I refuse to believe this is real.

You could have decided not to have multiple more children while he was doing the degree when he has no time to parent any of them.

Before he was stressed?

I ran around to make sure time was freed with various educational providers so kids could go

this is hilarious. Your DC are preschool. as you were running out door from pick off/drop off you needed to say “Anna, Beth, Cate and Diana won’t be in tomorrow”.

between this and stabbed through the heart you sound pretty hard work - and I’ve be er said that on a thread before

Catch yourself on.

could you use AI tools to create the photos you want

This with bells on

If it were me I'd have left the dc with someone else for the day Graduationa are boring to them as are long car journeys. You say you paid for the gown and photo but you're married, money should be shared. You know yabu to make it into such a big thing. My dcs gtaduation photos that are on display are just them, not family ones BTW.

You drove to a nearby city. Hardly the big deal you're making it out to be.

Everything apart from getting there on time.

You had one job, get kids to venue on time. You failed. Own that.

Yabvu naming this the “ultimate betrayal”.

THAT was the ultimate betrayal??

‘Ultimate betrayal’? You have lead a very sheltered and pleasant life using that term for this. It’s quite extreme language.

Sometimes I go on Mumsnet and think wow, they’ve been wound up enough to post this, and I wouldn’t even think about it twice if it happened to me. If 1992 is your birth year then get ready to toughen up, I’m 17 years ahead of you and know (unless you’re very lucky) one day your life will serve up something really shit and you’ll look back at this and wonder what you were wound up about. That’s coming from a person who has been fairly fortunate in life.

Don’t sweat the small things, it’s small. Trust me.