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Original poster

Ultimate Betrayal

520 replies

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 21:43

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
wordler · Today 20:12

ShattonerfDaParp · Today 20:09

I don't know how I missed this thread previously given its very dramatic title, and yes I too was hoping for wildly inappropriate sexual relations. To find it's just a bloke unable to get his shit together to leave the house early(ish) and then throwing a strop when it turns out others did have their shit together...massive let down.

Show quote history

It’s not even a bloke

ShattonerfDaParp · Today 20:09

beccahamlet · 16/10/2026 21:52

I thought you might have found out she was shagging your brother.

Edited

I don't know how I missed this thread previously given its very dramatic title, and yes I too was hoping for wildly inappropriate sexual relations. To find it's just a bloke unable to get his shit together to leave the house early(ish) and then throwing a strop when it turns out others did have their shit together...massive let down.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Today 19:55

Mufasa1992 · Today 15:28

I have done some reflecting, as people suggested.

i think what pissed me off was, I put my everything into making occasions special making sure kids are ready looking nice and taking lovely pictures and making memories for everyone else, not once has anyone else taken a single picture of me. I am just missing from these occasions despite being the one who makes them happen.

i have looked and felt like shit after the kids and this was an opportunity to get a nice picture of everybody with me in it too.

I am not bothered whether my kids were happy sad but it mattered we were all together.

so the fact my husband took the pictures without hurt a lot. We have spoken about him taking pictures of me on special occasions( that are not rushed and in unflattering poses) as well as the birthday incident. And it still happens especially at an important event like this. So yeah I got pissed when I saw the family pics without me and the kids.

also their is no jealousy about his graduation, I have a degree myself - which most of my family couldn’t/ didn’t attend and the memory of why they weren’t there makes me sad looking at those pictures. I didn’t want that for him.

so I made sure we were there. I made sure his parents and sister could attend the ceremony. I made sure he went. I wanted him to have a nice day and have good memories.

but as some posters have said think us being there just stressed him out. That also makes me sad that because of us he couldn’t have a nice day

I've read bits of this thread over the past few days.
It's coming across as - you feel you are always doing the organising and making things happen and that's not recognised.
Also coming across that you feel your DH is not appreciating you enough and didn't think to include you.

So it sounds like you need a reset.. maybe couples counselling.
It sounds like you've done a lot of supporting whilst he completed his degree and now you need him to step up with more support with the four small DC. And also for him not to take you for granted.

He's probably not understanding why you were upset... which on one level I can understand, but I expect that for you this was the last straw.
At the same time I think you should have organised and planned this in advance. a bit better.
But I think you need a conversation with him, explaining your side, otherwise it will go down as you had a strop over some photos, whereas it seems it was about a lot more than that.

Tuesdayschild50 · Today 19:07

beccahamlet · 16/10/2026 21:52

I thought you might have found out she was shagging your brother.

Edited

😃🤣🤭😄

Calliopespa · Today 19:05

Retiredfromearlyyears · Today 18:51

I won't add any more fuel to the fire, its all been said and I agree with every word. However why don't you suggest you mark the occasion by having a day out and arranging to have some nice family photos taken. I really think you need to try for some restorative action. Especially given that you have put a 'dampner' on your wife s special day.

This is a good idea - though I would probably let the graduation go now, and not make more of the tensions by needing a "rematch." But if you want nice photos of yourself with the family, op, do something to make that happen!

I do think there is a need to consider why photos are so important to you though. It isn't worth ruining a real life day for an image of a real life day.

There is an unhealthy SM influence at play where images are concerned, and I do think you need to ask yourself how much that is playing on your emotions OP.

But if you want some nice photos, organise it. Book a photographer! Tell them what you want.

Tuesdayschild50 · Today 19:04

I don't think this is an ultimate betrayal its a photo of your wife's happy day .. it was about her .
You have young children and all that goes with that this was a moment for her.
You can be proud and not have to be in the photo .
Is there more to your feelings than just the photo maybe .

Retiredfromearlyyears · Today 18:51

I won't add any more fuel to the fire, its all been said and I agree with every word. However why don't you suggest you mark the occasion by having a day out and arranging to have some nice family photos taken. I really think you need to try for some restorative action. Especially given that you have put a 'dampner' on your wife s special day.

Wisefishswimpast · Today 18:23

Bloody gaslighting thread

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 16:57

SummerAsh · Today 16:18

Did you and your husband/wife change sex before or after the graduation?

Show quote history

Before then we changed back after

OP posts:
pilates · Today 16:32

Are you always so dramatic?

SummerAsh · Today 16:18

Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

Edited

Did you and your husband/wife change sex before or after the graduation?

ImogenBrocklehurst · Today 15:58

I lost all sympathy after “the wife”.

Edited to add: just read your update: this is a reverse, isn’t it?

notyetbranded · Today 15:50

This is not a betrayal. This is simply your wife taking some photos with her family. It’s a shame you had such an issue getting there but honestly? This sort of overdramatic response to such a small thing makes you sound very controlling.

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 15:28

I have done some reflecting, as people suggested.

i think what pissed me off was, I put my everything into making occasions special making sure kids are ready looking nice and taking lovely pictures and making memories for everyone else, not once has anyone else taken a single picture of me. I am just missing from these occasions despite being the one who makes them happen.

i have looked and felt like shit after the kids and this was an opportunity to get a nice picture of everybody with me in it too.

I am not bothered whether my kids were happy sad but it mattered we were all together.

so the fact my husband took the pictures without hurt a lot. We have spoken about him taking pictures of me on special occasions( that are not rushed and in unflattering poses) as well as the birthday incident. And it still happens especially at an important event like this. So yeah I got pissed when I saw the family pics without me and the kids.

also their is no jealousy about his graduation, I have a degree myself - which most of my family couldn’t/ didn’t attend and the memory of why they weren’t there makes me sad looking at those pictures. I didn’t want that for him.

so I made sure we were there. I made sure his parents and sister could attend the ceremony. I made sure he went. I wanted him to have a nice day and have good memories.

but as some posters have said think us being there just stressed him out. That also makes me sad that because of us he couldn’t have a nice day

OP posts:
Calliopespa · Today 15:01

Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

Edited

Well put it behind you now OP.

Your DH has his degree, he has some nice photos.

Have a think about what is bothering you in the relationship more generally and communicate it to him clearly. Otherwise what tends to happen (it's not uncommon) is you end up rupturing your patience on an incident like this that doesn't really do you justice because the incident itself doesn't warrant it.

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

OP posts:
honeylulu · Today 12:29

Mufasa1992 · Today 09:06

Which I did for the second sitting of photos

Show quote history

So you and the kids are in the official photos as was always planned. But you don't like those photos because the kids were being grumpy and the ones of DH with his parents are nicer. How is that your husband's fault?

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 12:16

Behaveyourself88 · Today 11:04

2 questions for you

  1. why didn’t you arrange a babysitter so you both could of gone and then you could of watched your wife graduate in peace?
  2. why didn’t you both stay overnight the night before near where your wife was graduating so you knew you would both be on time for the graduation and photos?
  1. because my husband wanted us there
  2. financial reasons
OP posts:
lifeonourplanet · Today 12:02

People should read the updates before posting

Sueandthegoldfish · Today 11:21

Too late now, but you can change your photography package.
For one of my daughters we’d booked for her and siblings and then decided on the day to have everyone in… we just paid to update the package.

Behaveyourself88 · Today 11:04

2 questions for you

  1. why didn’t you arrange a babysitter so you both could of gone and then you could of watched your wife graduate in peace?
  2. why didn’t you both stay overnight the night before near where your wife was graduating so you knew you would both be on time for the graduation and photos?
Beenaroundabit · Today 10:59

You absolutely should have moved heaven and earth to get there on time. And stayed over the night before. Nearly 3 hours drive the day of the graduation and you set off late, after she's studied for 3 years? You're absolutely unreasonable. This was her day and you fucked it up entirely, now you're still making it about you. Shame on you.

Calliopespa · Today 10:55

Redpaisley · Today 10:50

It’s his fault to prioritise his siblings and parents on the day when it’s op who supported him all along. Also, there’s a history of thoughtlessness.

Show quote history

There is a history of thoughtlessness, and, like so many threads on here - and actually not through the fault of an OP, but simply because they haven't processed enough to know what to post - she has made a thread about an issue that ISN'T in fact the issue.

Taken in isolation, her reaction was an overreaction. But the thread isn't really about that graduation day I don't think.

Redpaisley · Today 10:54

SinglebutSorted · Today 08:21

Have you ever thought that her parents are ultimately very proud of their daughter and would want some nice photos as well?

yes ok, you have paid for them and that is very kind but it is also not your graduation. It’s your wife’s. You could’ve made that day about her instead you bought her nothing but problems.

It’s op who supported her dh while he was studying, not birth family.

it’s also husband’s graduation and wife was taking care of 4 children under 5 without his input.

Redpaisley · Today 10:52

Terfarina · Today 10:47

I don’t get why you would drag the kids all that way just to be in a photo. It seems pointless and for your partner to have had photos taken with birth family is hardly a betrayal.

It’s op who supported her dh while he was studying, not birth family.