DH's books in our small flat

I’d have a proper sort and clear out books that have been read and won’t be re-read. It sounds like a Kindle type thing would be good for him as all of the classics are usually out of copyright and are free. If he wants physical books and particularly to enjoy the feel of them all around him (I do get that, as I have hundreds myself), perhaps compromise and put 1/4 or 1/2 of them in storage for now. Would a kind relative put them in an attic for you?

You’re right, I am being stereotypical - there are plenty of extroverted book lovers (in fact, I might even class myself as one). And you’re also right - there are plenty of book lovers who don’t keep a house full of books. Maybe ‘book keepers’ or even book hoarders is a more useful phrase for it!

I suppose I would just strongly push back on the idea that people who keep lots of books do it for performative reasons or to appear intellectual. Maybe that’s true in a few cases, but not many in my experience. Most people who keep alot of books do it because they like to be surrounded by a lot of books.

Is that what your whole house smells like? Did you grow up in a house that smelt like that?

I know a fair few that do. I also remember in lockdown how politicians would always have a book shelf behind them.

I think all the people saying keep the books live in larger houses! We only have 55m², so the books went with the toddler. The shelves aren't safe because he'll climb them and I need the storage for clothes, toys, and things that have to be out of his reach. The toddler also comes with a bed and his own clothes and books, which need to go where the books go and won't have disappeared when he's five, unlike the pram.

An extra bedroom would cost us 1000 per month mortgage. At that much, I can rebuy any book. Paper backs get dusty and yellow after 10 years. They're really not worth keeping unless you read them once every two years. We have piles with dates: everything on this pile to be read & saved our it's going be X date. I'd had some of mine for 10 years without reading.

I agree about the snobbery of having books on display too! I realised i had some of the books because I wanted to be the sort of person who had that book. With age I realise its better to be the sort of person who has read that book, and that that sort of person doesn't need to advertise!

It's not snobbery for most of us, it's about access. I've got a bookcase full of fiction hardbacks, a bookcase full of non-fiction and an open bookshelf near my bedroom with paperback fiction on and believe me there's nothing I haven't read or don't plan to read with the possible exception of books in other languages from when I was at university. These I keep for sentimental reasons and they only take up one shelf.

Your child won’t need space for toys for all that long in the scheme of things. I’d find the best possible solution for displaying/storing your books (floor-to-ceiling shelves? Do you have an alcove or similar spaces that can be shelved) and keep down the quantity of toys.

Yes! And also I don't keep books because I want people to look at them and think how wonderful I have read them. Granted dh's PhD books are in the living room, but that's because I don't want them in the bedroom. In the living room I also have Enid Blyton, Arthur Ransome, very Hungry caterpillar, the Rainbow Fairy two that dd couldn't bear to part with, the three rhyming stories ds loved aged 3-4, Jack Higgins, Music books, Children's annuals, Chalet School, Angelina ballerina, computer books from the 80s, ds' aircraft books, Josephine Tey, some sewing/craft books, 3 Investigator books, various music books, Malcolm Saville collection etc.
No one's going to look at those and feel I'm trying to intimidate them with snobbery🤣
They're ones that get used when downstairs.

What a perverse viewpoint. I was a bookworm from age 8, I did an English degree at University and I’ve taught English for over 30 years. My books are part of my history and I love them. If people are so insecure as to find them intimidating or if the judge me then they are idiotic.

How are all your books "part of your history" though. I can see that some might have sentimental value but surely not all of them? Seems weird to make a big deal out of them. And what makes you think people are intimidated about the fact you have books?😂

It’s so you can say “we have 500+ books in our house”.

You've got a 1 year old. The most they need is 4 toys out at a time. Store the rest and rotate them.

I'd far rather have books on display than toys everywhere.

Yeah, we'll try that for books published years ago that are out of print and definitely not on Kindle. Some are but most are not.

My books are part of my history because everytime i look at them I recall reading the book, where I was as a person at that time, what i learned from the book, what i loved or hated about it etc. They are a part of me, a part of the story of my life. I might re read one at any time. And I want my kids to look through my bookshelves and choose a book they might find interesting and discover it all for themselves. I do also think they look and smell nice.
A chewed up piece of plastic with bits missing here and there does not and can never have the same resonance.

Also handy for making your (ok, maybe I’m the only Ancient who has read them) Harry Potter books very visible, so you can assess certain reactions in visitors.

I sounds like despite being an english teacher you don't read that many books if every one has so much important memory attached.

Mumsnet is the only place where I've ever said how many books I think I've got and I certainly haven't counted them. They're for reading, not counting. I think the problem with this thread is that there are a fair number of people on it who are uncomfortable for whatever reason with the idea that some people like having a lot of books and are being negative about it. You know, you do you and all that. To get back to what the OP was asking, no it's not reasonable to expect someone to get rid of a relatively small book collection to make space for a toddler's toys that will be discarded within a couple of years.

I think you should encourage him to get rid of enough to have the bottom couple shelves for your child but keep the top few shelves filled with books. We have about full wall of shelves in the lounge - when the kids were smaller the bottom shelves were filled with toy baskets. Now it’s art supplies and board games. We have probably 5 billy bookshelves of books between us and another couple in each kid’s room.

I wouldn’t put them in storage though, that’s just putting it off for later. Let them find someone else to read them.

The point is reading them.

If reading is the only point, why not read on a kindle?

Same here. I’ve never not returned to a book I’ve enjoyed, or used for research. In a way I suppose I think of my books as living things, though I know this sounds wankerish. But it expresses the way they have remained current in one way or another. Certainly I like to have all of them, and it’s a lot, within relatively easy reach.

(When I bought my little house thirty years ago, I had floor to ceiling mdf shelves installed in every alcove and spare bit of wall in both downstairs rooms, though I spared the tiny kitchen. Fortunately, the house has freakishly high ceilings, for its weeny footprint.
Did ditto in my bedroom and the box room. Money (not a lot) very well spent.)

What a strange assumption.

Actually its interesting how much more I remember about physical books than e books... I can usually remember an author and the story wheras I often forget with e books... I think this is down to having the actual physical thing to pick up and look at repeatedly.

Hand on heart, and speaking as one who finds it difficult to hold a book open for lengthy reading now and so uses Kindle quite a bit, there really is a difference in reception/absorption between a paper page and a screen. For fiction, anyway.

At an airport and away from home, there’s no contest of course but at home, isn’t there always the Holden Caulfield-style thing of a real book at least being ‘human’?

I don't think people care about how many books complete strangers have. This thread is about whether people should have to put up with the person they live with hoarding books and refusing to take the to a charity shop so that there is not much room for anything else. I sympathise with OP because my ex was like this.