DH's books in our small flat

DH and I had a lot of books. I kept some of the classics, I might read again and gave the rest to a charity, that ships books to Africa - ones that might be used in the education system. They sent me a photograph of a man, holding one of my books with his thanks.

OK I think you can tackle this in steps

I have always read - and have large books full of images - graphic novels etc

I get books

But we also had minimum space when kids were young and of course they also needed books

It became easier to get rid of books once we had to do it for our kids

So start with novels he won’t read again - there is always new stuff coming out and if you won’t read a book again it’s just a dusty ornament, if you give it to charity someone else will give it new life and it will be read again

Your tastes change over time, what you read at 18 is likely to not be the same as what you read at 35

Your children will have their own tastes and whilst I can understand keeping some excellent examples of books (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy for instance) there is no guarantee that your children will read the extensive collection of Iain M Banks books (random example you understand)

Two full bookcases is plenty for new parents in a small flat.

But start small - novels you won’t read again

The upside of decluttering books is you do read more. I had never heard of Fahrenheit 451 - supposed to be part of the holy trinity of modern dystopian novels, I’d read Brave New World, 1984 but not Fahrenheit - the teens have read it at school - so I am reading it now (I can see it appeals more to a younger mind) - so your future reading can be influenced by your children as well as the other way round.

It’s reading that’s important not keeping hold of everything you’ve read. And as I get older I realise the number of books I have time left to read is shrinking - so they need to be worth it and as good as Bill Bryson is (and he is good) I won’t re-read his books so they go (and neither the teens or H would read “At Home” I do check)

Graphic novel Cassandra Drake is brilliant as far as I am concerned - great way of storytelling - brilliant story, youngster took that one.

So we are a family of readers, we talk about and can be influenced by each other’s books, but still donate ones that have served their purpose for us and move on to new ones.

It might take months but a book declutter helps. And allows space for new books and new stories.

As for non-fiction, because we read that as well, some books become irrelevant on topics or at least not as informed as time goes by, or rewritten in more user friendly terms (String Theory for example). So you can apply different rules to them.

I think it’s important to have non-negotiables if anyone tried to take my Edward Hopper books away I would bite them. But I reference them all the time (and drag the family across the world to see the originals) they stay!

Good luck @wiredandtired

This reminds me of when DD was about 18 months old. Her favourite game was Pull All of the Books out of the Bookshelf and Watch Mummy Put Them Back Again 🙃

I have a photo of me as a toddler sitting in the middle of a huge pile of books I’d pulled out of one of my parents’ bookcases, holding a book of John Betjeman’s poems. I never damaged any books, had reverence for them even then!

My dad had a lot of books, it always felt quite obsessive even when I was a child. As an adult I only keep books that I absolutely love or that I think I’ll read again.

I’m with the idea of him reducing the books. I love books, I read a lot, and have parents who have absolutely thousands that they won’t cull so had the mentality for a long time that you just don’t ever get rid of books.

Now I’ve reduced my books to about 1.5 bookcases and it’s so much better mentally, to have more space, and actually value what I have. Most of the fiction I will never read again has gone (and I’ve been using a kindle for many years anyway). I’ve kept some meaningful childhood books, and other books that represent eras of my life and remind me who I am. Also all art books, as it’s far better to look at them in hard copy than on a screen.

I think I’m just not into having much stuff. I have all the characters in my head and they are part of me now.
I genuinely enjoy buying preowned books and then donating them.

This is a tricky one. My book collection is huge (even though I don’t read as much anymore) and they tell the story of my life. For example, my sister and I shared a love of the classics. She died in her late twenties and having the books we both loved reminds me of her in a lovely, happy way. I have gone through various phases/obsessions with certain genres over the years and also with certain formats, such as The Folio Society and also a small collection of study books from my university days. I have whittled them down over the years and have probably given more away than I’ve kept, but I have a ‘core’ of several hundred books that I simply can’t let go of. I like how they look and I like how they make me feel. Luckily DP is fine with that, although there were many times over the years when he got frustrated as I kept buying more books! I would find somewhere else for toys if possible, and keep the books. Having toys on display around your living room may well get on your nerves. Our two played with their toys everywhere in the house. They built stuff which sat on the living room floor for days, so I wasn’t fussy at all about toys being visible, but I always knew it was temporary and that eventually they would be cleared away to their room.

As a side note, nobody is ‘a bit neurodivergent’. He is or he isn’t.

I'm useless at culling books.

I've now inherited my parents' collection, and with mine, it's over 5000 volumes.

We've got book storage absolutely everywhere.

There are at least 10 book cases in hallways, in corners of bedrooms/lounge

There are loads I should part with... I've got loads on my Kindle too🫪.... I do take handfuls out at a time to the oxfam bookshop... Never enough though.

My problem is there's so many memories and lives tied up with them

Conflicted here. Books were my life when I was a child and I could never understand a home without books. But times have changed and we don’t really need the reference books and have kindles.
People are conflating a book stuffed home with being worthy and intelligent and that doesn’t have to be true. I had to massively cull my hoard when we had to repurpose the living room as a bedroom (London house prices!).
Now the DC are grown I’m thinking of building up again but not sure of my motives. I still love to read but it’s Kindle or library or charity shops to read once and donate.
Overall I’m with OP. Maybe cull by half if you can identify stuff that will never be read again or was rubbish in the first place. Worthy clutter is still clutter.

I would be slowly reducing. Take 10 away and see how that goes. Wait 3 months do another 10. You will get used to the new amount and can start using the shelf space for other belongings

I think paying for storage is unreasonable and unnecessary (personally), but unless the ones in the flat are getting on the way, I don’t see the problem.

Problem is that DH is being really stubborn - saying he likes having them there, he wants our son to grow up around books etc - which I do get and agree with

We had that backfire on us! Aged about four, my son adamantly insisted that no, he did NOT want to learn to read. We were puzzled, as he'd always loved being read to. Turned out that he thought that once he could read, he would be made to read all the books in the house (probably thousands), and the poor little chap couldn't face the idea of starting a neverending task.

I did leave someone who made me hide my books under the bed! Ex husband liked the fact I was intelligent as it meant I was good “breeding stock” (he was a farmer) but once I’d moved in wouldn’t allow books out - he was actually threatened by them. We split very quickly!

I’ve got six children and lots of books, when they were young they all played with the books on the lower shelves - teethed on them, played librarians with them, used them for building roads for cars, etc. Some of them have ended up not being readers really, some have become avid readers…Books are for loving.

We hadaround 600 books (not including kids ones) we live in a detached house and they took up a lot of space. We had a house fire and lost them all. I replaced around 30 favourites and joined a library. I get almost all my books from the library now. Better for the environment and free.

When I moved house I got rid of 2000 books. It’s wasn’t a big deal. I’d read them. I kept a couple of full series for one DD who would enjoy them in the future. I kept a DIY book my granny gave me. I only kept really really key books. Maybe 50.

I certainly do. Can't imagine not rereading. Like hearing a beautiful piece of music once and then never again, or never rewatching your favourite film. You might as well ask me why I would want to see my best friend again - after all, I've already done it. There isn't a day goes by I don't take a book down to reread something - a poem, a particularly great page of a novel, something in a journalism collection, a scene in a Shakespeare play. Books are absolutely central to life. And kindles are awesome - my rate of acquisition of paper books has slowed a lot since getting mine (which is a good thing; I'm running low on shelf space) and they are obviously cheaper, greener and (the best bit) awesome for carrying hundreds of books everywhere you go in thing smaller and lighter than one. But anyone who tries to part me from the real books I already have is not for me.

YABU.

500 books is hardly a lot. It’s not actually that many at all. Books don’t take up much room if you have efficient bookcases or build in bookshelves (difficult if you don’t own your house). And yes, your husbands right - it’s good for children to grow up in a home filled with books and see their parents reading.

Agree with PP and make sure bookcases are screwed in to the wall. I’m a book lover but I wouldn’t put books before DC- we also have hundreds.

Can some books go in your bedroom? Or put up high shelves that go around the top of the room?

Otherwise suggest hiring a storage unit.

I think posters suggesting fewer toys are so miserable; your child gets one childhood- let him/her have a place to play with some lovely toys in it. Move the books.

500? That's not a lot. Toys in deeper boxes / shelves lower down, and books further up (shelves firmly fixed to wall) where toddler can't reach them until they're old enough to know that books aren't for drawing on, chewing etc.

Don't be one of those women who treat men like they're not entitled to have any say in the contents, furnishing or look of their own home.

Books take up lots of space and are hardly ever read. I only read books once and then I donate them to charity shops.

Having a large number of books in the home directly correlates to academic achievement across all subjects. It has more of an impact than parental education levels and income. I’m team more books.

Here is a guardian article summarising a 2018 study
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/oct/10/growing-up-in-a-house-full-of-books-is-major-boost-to-literacy-and-numeracy-study-finds

And here is a more recent paper which replicates the findings https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2521416123

Your DH is prioritising his own wants over the needs of the family. Why are his books more important than some toys for your son? He's living as though he owns a large mansion with a grandiose library. Time to compromise and he can have endless bookshelves when you're in a position to upgrade to a bigger home.

I’m an avid reader, and keep some books I’ll read again. However, they’re only possessions and can easily be bought again. Nobody rereads every book. Some compromises need to be made where there’s a small child in the house, when one adult has hogged all the shelf storage. Being potentially neurodivergent doesn’t mean you can’t be a fair parent, I would have thought.

Another for team books😉