Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

Relatives of mine had similar, and the court awarded the resident sibling 60% of the estate.

If your sister won't move out, then you may have to go the legal route with a lawyer to get a court order to move her out.
But why not give her some concrete options as if she's always lived at home she'll have no idea what to do. Show her some estate agents leaflets of one bed flats, go through the finances with what the deposit will be, how much the mortgage will be based on her income.
You could also look at the possibility of a shared ownership flat with a housing association in your area.

There is a choice.

She can relinquish the executorship (though maybe not once she has started actually).

They can vary the will leaving everything to sit-in sister.

I'm not suggesting they do, but they can.

I was thinking about how the sister seemed to be in charge of finances whilst DM was alive and wondered if she was doing that legally

Sounds like she put her life on hold well before she became a carer

But she let the valuers in the house, right? She didn't refuse entry. You can't make her like it, but it sounds like she does actually understand that the sale is going ahead.

YANBU. She can't afford to maintain the place on her income; she'll obviously have bigger bills on the house than she would have on a smaller place. Who's she going to be calling on for help when she can't afford repairs on the house? And that's before we even get onto old age. Suppose she needs to fund care later on, and she's still in the house? Massive potential mess.

Downsizing is the best thing for her as well as for you and db. If she can have a little place of her own, owned outright, before retirement, that's a good result - better than either renting or struggling on in a house she can't keep up. But property prices are unlikely to go down and the mortgage thing will get harder for her with every passing year. If it's going to be possible for her to get that flat, she should start looking soon. She needs a sustainable, realistic plan for her future - "I stay here in a house that's too big and pretend two other people don't own it" isn't it.

She's got very used to being looked after. If you let her, she'll try to get you and / or db to step into the "parent" role. Don't. For her good as well as yours. "I've always sponged off someone else and so I should be allowed to carry on doing so" isn't an argument. Time for her to grow up.

If db is happy to let her have 40% and so are you, seeing as she's buying alone and later in life and is less well off than you, that would be generous. And handy for a bit of leverage, perhaps - say you will sign over the extra money IF she co-operates with the sale and doesn't make this difficult. Anything else you could throw in? Help with moving costs? And lots of help with clearing the house, packing etc. Try to get her excited about it - her own home, where she can pick all the decor and everything and have it all just as she wants it, for the first time ever. Peace, independence, privacy. (There's a lot of middle aged women salivating at the thought...). Offer to help her paint or whatever. Be positive, helpful, jolly about it all. But make it clear that sticking her head in the sand is not an option. She has to face up to things and make a plan for living the life she actually has, on the money she actually has. Get db on board. United front. You're both going to support her in moving forward; you're not going to support her in sitting still. Then you're going to buy her a nice housewarming meal, with gifts that will look great in her new home. It's not a tragedy, it's a new chapter. In a year or two she'll realize she's actually better off in her cosy flat with its smaller bills. Don't apologize for not pandering to her and babying her. Make it clear she will get a lot of love and support from you and db, but only if she acts rationally. She can leave the house and find a nice new place with lots of support, or she can leave the house under duress, managing everything herself and probably with a large legal bill. Those are her choices, and sulking won't change it. Stand firm.

Makes no difference at all; POA ends with the person's death and has no bearing on administration of their estate etc.

I agree. For all we know, she may have been sponging of her parents all these years, with her mum paying all the bills, food and living costs, and she may not have contributed anything. Yes, she cared for her mum in the last few years, but that diesn’t account for the previous thirty years.(and maybe she didn’t want to spend her mums money on care homes and carers because she thought she’d get all the money).

And it sounds like she never had the chance to have her own family and leave home.

What was stopping her? Sister is mid-50s now. She could have left home any time in the last 35 years.

Agrees with this.

It sounds like she did all the caring and had to cut down on her work hours which would have affected her financially and professionally.

And it sounds like she never had the chance to have her own family and leave home.

Now she is facing being kicked out of the only home she has ever known.

OP, you don't seem to have any sympathy for your sister.

The least you can do is give some time to make plans for her future rather than rush to see the house.

Frankly it all sounds very callous and I hope your sister gets advice to contest the will based on the fact that she was the one who out her life on hold to care for your mother and missed on work earnings and opportunities. Maybe then she will get a decent amount and will be able to find a new home for herself.

Good point.

I was thinking why one sibling seemed to be able to control the DM’s finances

I think that becomes null and void on death, and the will takes over.

Or are you thinking that gave dsis the right to control dm’s money and healthcare, unless it stated all siblings had to be included in any money or health decesions? Ie, was dsis going against the PoA agreement?

If your mum passed away four months, then tell her you plan to put the house up for sale in January, and between now and then, you will be preparing it further sale Ed weeding and tidying the garden, (I know you said you can’t afford to maintain it, but I’m sure there’s minor things you can do).

Did you have POA in place?

She clearly stopped your mum accessing full care due to financial reasons. Her being a carer wasn’t altruism. Go ahead and give her notice.

Your mum wrote the will expecting that she would get a third and therefore believed that would be enough to set her up. Maybe she noticed that she freeloaded all her life and wanted you to have your third .

I would trust your mums logic and respect her wishes

What did she do in the 5 years between being made redundant and then caring for your mum?

Although your sister has spent the last 5 years caring for your mum, what about all the years before that? Surely in all those years she could have saved enough to buy a flat outright. Most people are struggling to pay hefty mortgages and utilities and have all the worry that goes with that.

I’ve not voted as I can see both sides but if your sister has lived in the home her whole life and did so much caring for your mother is it right to kick her out now?
You really need to have a discussion with her and work out a way of moving forwards, she needs to understand the difference the money will make to you and you need to appreciate it is the only home she has ever known and the selflessness of her preventing your dm entering a care home. They are not happy places and your dm was very lucky to be cared for by a loved one.

Having read your update, if what you’re saying your sister has kept your mum out of a care home for 5 years then I would be more sympathetic towards her. Simply put after 5 years there would be no house for any of you to be discussing. The house would have been sold and the money disappeared long ago.

I’m not so sure giving your sister a 50 percent split is such an unfair split under the circumstances. It’s about £20k less for you, but still gives you £70k more than had your sister not lived at home all those years.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

The house is valued at 280k so we aren't talking a big estate in the grand scheme of things, and legal costs would mean everyone is poorer, and more importantly destroy relationships

Trouble is, @Dutchhouse14, unless you're prepared to roll over completely, the guidance legal professionals can give may be your only way of not destroying relationships

I see, though, that your sister did the caring for 5 years, which is a lot longer than it sounded in your first post, so while I get that she herself resisted money beiong spent on carers it might be appropriate to consider what her role saved the family in £££ terms

That cost, in real terms would hand her the house, and if she claimed the mother gave her a verbal assurance and demonstrates detriment that's what could happen - my cousin managed it in similar circumstances, was granted right to reside for life, his brother owns half the house, but can't sell it or charge rent, its in limbo.

Question is, what do you mean by push ahead - any effort to sell it is going to fail based on her occupation, unless someone is prepared to take that on at a hugely knocked down price.

The alternative is to take it to court, the court could well grant her leave to remain as it has to consider her needs, that has the potential to either completely remove your claim to a third or at least kick the possibility of getting that years down the line.

She has likely a good case under the 1975 act or an Estoppel case, both of which could leave you all with nothing.

Given she provided care, she has potentially a strong case for estoppel if she can satisfy the court as to a promise and her detriment, that could ultimately land her with the house, but a big legal bill too.

You need a solicitors advice, and they will advise if at all possible to reach a settlement.

Your mother could have chosen to leave the whole house to your sister, or could have split it equally but included a clause that your sister had the right to live there for x months or indefinitely or whatever. She chose not to. So your mother obviously expected that this would happen at some point.