Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

I think this is a much more humane approach and takes account of the caring that has been done, and the fact that this is family and not a business. Credit to you for understanding the sacrifice your sister has made. I can't get my head round all these people saying 'it's yours - take it'.

Past behaviour predicts future behaviour, Paganpentacle.

Your sisters refusing to discuss things is, frankly, not helping at all. Why should their wishes prevail over yours? Your mum wanted the three of you to be treated equally

YANBU, but it might take a while for them to come round. I second all the suggestions to get proper legal advice as they may well have seen similar situations before and may be able to offer some mediation

This.
No way could I do this to my sibling.

I could be reading about myself.

This was me 20 years ago. One sibling refused to move as he lived at home full time. Other sibling didn't live at home at all, and was happy to sell.

I had my own house but moved back home to become mum's carer.

When mum passed, the sibling who had left home years earlier due to marriage was desperate to sell but was too scared to suggest it. So I made it clear that we were going to have to sell. I then became the bad guy while my sibling who had long left was delighted! The house-based sibling didn't talk to me for 6 months, and it hurt because we're best friends.

Selling was the only way to resolve it in our case, and the house-based sibling soon learned to stand on his own two feet. As will your sister.

Im well aware of the responsibilities of an executor - Ive done the role twice, as has my husband. It would be perfectly possible to follow the requirements of the will and then make sure that the sister wasn't chucked out of her home.

Get legal advice and sell. Your sister knew this day would come. She's had decades to save. Stay strong and stick to your guns.

There was a similar situation to this with one of my mum's ex-next door neighbours. An elderly couple lived there with their adult son who looked after them when he wasn't working. When the father died, they had mirror wills which said the son would inherit the house and the two siblings who were well off would get any cash that they had. But the siblings persuaded the mother to change her will and left everything in equal shares and when she died they didn't wait at all before they started harassing their brother to move out. No doubt they were telling everyone what a loser he was but in reality without him at least one parent would have ended up in a care home.

There are always two sides to these things and if she has saved you care costs, I agree with your other sibling OP that 50% would be fair.

I think your sister must be terrified at being homeless in mid 50’s
from what info you gave with her hours and age her mortgage capacity is very limited

i think I’d give her 18 months considering she was your mums carer which to be blunt you could of still done even though you didn’t live there you were happy for your sister to lighten the load

I think you are being rather harsh calling this woman heartless when you dont know the details. You have no idea what her mum's care needs were or how long she had them. You also have no idea whether the needs were severe enough to have needed to pay for carers otherwise. Maybe the mum would have had money for carers if she hadn't been subsidising her adult daughter for over 30 years.
If a man lives with his parents and doesnt pay towards costs, everyone on here calls him a man-child who is financially abusive. Why is it any different when its a woman?

Look up the responsibilities of executor, you are personally liable.

There doesn't seem to be a lawyer as co-executor - also a nightmare in this situation (although the OP would likely need her own advice anyway.)

Interestingly, the mother did not have the child living with her and looking after her in this role. OP is sole, and having to clean up what appears to be not only a financial mess but an emotional and personal one.

This.

She should be in a good position, though. She only became a carer recently. She hasn't paid any housing costs in 10 years and before that was paying a nominal amount. Over 30 years as an adult living off her mum, she should have been able to save a lot even in a poor paying job. Shes clearly just used to being supported and now wants the OP and her other sister to make sacrifices for her so she doesnt have to grow up.

Im always shocked by how heartless and lacking in compassion many Mumsnet users are, but some of the comments on this thread are just horrible. this thread is about the OP’s SISTER, not some random squatter who is occupying the house.

It’s all gain for you OP and mostly loss for your sister in terms of the split in her view. If you don’t desperately need the £s, give her at least some more time. You have a DH, DC. Sounds like your Mum was her life or a big part of it. There could be good reasons she stayed at home. Does she have any difficulties or disabilities? She must be really down and feeling lost. Avoiding comms typical when someone bereft as finding it all hard. Those who say you owe her nothing are heartless. She’s your little sister and a human being. That’s more important than any quick cash grab. You’ll get there but be kind. Thinking you’re the wicked witch of the West might indicate you need to go a bit more softly. IMHO. The Jerry McGuire ‘show me the money’ 💰 views be along again soon…

While I agree with most of what you have said, I would not give your share to your sibling outright. Rather let them have a life interest and then your share goes to your child when they pass or start a relationship.

The reason for this being that anyone can make or change a will at any time and disinherit your child once you’ve given them your share outright!.

If they want to enter into a relationship then their priorities may change and they both longer wish to leave everything to your child!
(This is also why am against mirror wills too!)
So many cases of children losing out to step relatives because their parents did not ring fence their estates!

surely the sister was aware of what was going to happen-so why does she need so much time to adjust?

Another agreement here on the need for legal advice, but "get it on the market" isn't going to work as long as DS is living there because she'll sabotage any hope of a sale in her own interests

As PPS have said, if your late mum wanted this any other way then it was up to her to write a will accordingly, but since she didn't I wish you good luck because I suspect you'll need it

I can understand the sister being upset, & would give her a bit of time, but not endless time while the house falls apart around her ears. She'd be much better off in a small flat for her own sake as well as yours & your other sis, @Dutchhouse14 - presumably she wouldn't be able to afford the upkeep of your mum's house on her own small wage.

Yes agreed unmarried daughters ( sometimes sons, but less common) who remain at home as carers sometimes experience all kinds of detrimental impact such as social insolation, and low self esteem, no access to further training or higher education qualifications, but it's often the financial impact that is actual the easiest to quantify in terms of where she might have been had she worked full time instead of juggling carer responsibilitues , even an average paid job, especially if the bulk of the carer was left to her without other siblings helping out

I think this is what any decent solicitor would advise as a starting point - it is better to work out an agreement together rather than go to law.
In a case like this it could fall either way, so its better to have mutual agreement rather than the resentment of a third party making a decision you all then have to live with.

What are your options?

1. try and force a sale
2. she lives in it until her death and then it's sold?
3. you and the other sister buy her out and she rents it off you?

It would be worth trying to sit down with her to try and establish what she wants and whether you can accommodate that in some way.
It sounds a very difficult time for all of you. I'm sorry for your loss.

This. For some the death of a person they cared and looked after for years is awful. For others, it's just a matter of inheriting money and getting on with life.

I have not read the whole thread so somebody may already have said this, but it seems to me that your sister might be able to make a claim for more than the share of the house left her by the will. Sounds like she was financially dependent on your late mother for a roof over her head and probably deserves consideration of the fact that she may have reduced her own earning capacity by her caring duties. If your sister has the wit to consult a lawyer you may find yourselves having to pay her more than you would like. Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act is the relevant legislation.

Your dsis spent 10 years caring for your mother and potentially saving thousands in care fees. She may be in shock still and not able to move on as quickly as you can. Give her a little space to grieve @Dutchhouse14 , it isn't easy for people who have given their life to care for a relative and then find themselves homeless at the end due to other sibling wanting the money. You sound harsh and appear to put finances before feelings. Yes you inherited a third and your other sister appears to understand better the difficulties of caring and then essentially being kicked out of a home.

Breathe and attempt to see from you caring dsis point of view. You'll get your money just pause a bit.