To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

My mother said I was potty trained before 1, BUT she herself didn’t do it nor my father, it was an older woman who she paid to have me while they were at work. I wouldn’t automatically assume earlier generations potty trained their children themselves if both parents were working long hours and child was being cared for by others.

Going off what my mother said, I was basically raised by nuns in my earlier years (went to a catholic daycare after the older woman moved away). She admits childcare was way cheaper then compared to now and seeing how hard it has been for both my sister and I (both of us struggling to potty trained our tots) she is happy she didn’t have to do it.

Potty training was the part that had me near tears. Doing it my third and last time and it’s an uphill battle with my toddler and I’m close to resorting to bribery.

With my eldest (now mid 20s) I had a named hv who could come the house and was available for advice and I found this really helpful when I struggled with potty training.

Health visitor numbers have dropped a lot and now only focus on specific demographics- so a good source of support has been removed from many.

Im a reception teacher. I think the biggest factor is a the social media ‘me, me, me’ era. Parents reading ‘don’t worry if you haven’t done x, y and z parenting is so hard’. Parents pouting away, obsessed with how they look, leaving their children with too much screen time. meanwhile the boring but necessary jobs of parenting aren’t appealing and fun to put on social media but taking their child to a really expensive day out (they often can’t afford) is a priority. Too many parents are too selfish and don’t put their children first.

And to add, it’s so depressing when parents who can’t parent their children go on to have more and more.

I did. I had read a lot before I started so had expectations of how it would play out (lots of accidents). My child actually held his wee in for an insane amount of time, which became quite worrying. Also meant that teachable moments were few and far.

I think I was a good age before I ever saw a mango, but prior to the UK joining what was then the Common Market, available fruit was much more seasonable - though we could always get imported bananas and I recall that pomegranates would be available for a fortnight or so.

I'm relieved that Brexit doesn't seem to have affected our access to fruit and vegetables.

The range of fruit and vegetable stuffs available has increased greatly in my lifetime and they're also available for much more of the year. Perhaps more was available in some of the cities?

This is an issue which as definitely worsened in the last 5 years. Children used to come into school potty trained, able to wipe themselves etc. Now many come in needing support for toileting, all of which takes members of staff away from the actual teaching

I agree wholeheartedly. We're so positive and accepting and excusing that everything has gone to shit.
I'd be so embarrassed to send a barely functioning (able-minded/bodied) child to school.
It's as if parents have become paralysed except for providing food, clothes and shelter. Very little child-rearing is going on.

I think it's all too easy to blame working parents and let's be honest it's working mums people are really blaming. But this is just isn't true. Me and all my friends who worked managed to potty train our kids well before school. And it's something that nursery actually helps with. Not by doing the potty training itself but by like a lot of things, kids learn by seeing their peers doing things and seeing other kids use the toilet also helped with mine to be potty trained.

I was going to say exactly this. Shame and judgement are an important aspect of human society- whilst it was right and good to remove shaming for things that are unimportant (sex outside marriage, etc.), it was a bad idea to treat shame as an altogether undesirable thing.

Around 15 years ago the two funding came in for disabled children and children from deprived families to access free child care with the intended outcome being those children would have trained professionals helping them reach their milestones and they would be more prepared when starting school than if they hadn’t had this additional year at nursery.
Reviews later showed that actually outcomes were worse not improved (please don’t ask for evidence this was information I had due to my job role and no longer have access to)
I do wonder with more two income families and more children in nursery if part of the issue is simply a lack of time on parents part , if you are only with your children in the evenings and two days at the weekend how do you find the time? And nursery’s with loads of kids and few staff don’t have time to do this stuff. Then parents who are literally trying to do it all get slated for not being good enough in a system set up to fail them.

But we have more access to information today than at any other time in history. How difficult is it to do some basic googling?

DS was in a rear-facing stroller the whole time but it was unable to prevent him inheriting my ADHD. Sad but true.

What absolute bollocks. You are obviously an advocate of the ‘it’s always someone else’s fault’ school of thought.

And those that do need help? Literally every couple I know asked their own parent(s) for advice. But people with no parents to help should, what, be banned from having kids?! Disgusting attitude.

My DM is a TA and she has an 8 year old in her class who had never sat on a swing! His mum said the park was boring so she never took him and he spends his days in front of the TV or tablet. Then she's confused that he struggles with speech and dealing with emotions.
I have 2 SEN DCs and they were both potty trained by 2.5. I didn't give them the option to use nappies, just took them away and had potties nearby. Luckily I had hard flooring throughout the house at the time, but they both were done and dusted in 3-4 days. I think there is too much emphasis on being led by the child at the moment and that is causing the delays.

I agree that it's not a basic fruit, especially when you're poor. Mangoes are the expensive fruits. My mum would buy things like apples, bananas and pears. The cheap fruits that you can get big bags of.

I probably did know what a mango was but I don't think I actually ate one until I was at least 10. I can see why some kids wouldn't instantly recognise one.

I would actually agree with this.
dc 1 & 2 we used cloth nappies. Dc 3 & 4 we used disposable. The urge to train just wasn’t there with 3 & 4, and we were in London with a nursery who were very much ‘when they’re ready’ mindset.
dc 4 had profound deafness and was much harder to train. He was out of nappies by 3.5 years and the latest. However, it was only moving back to France and the nurseries helping that we cracked it.
i do wonder if it’s the cultural differences. In France, most people do the same thing. In the uk, there’s so many mixed messages

I think people have always needed help with basic parenting. But that help used to come from family and community.

So many smug responses on here. Some people weren’t raised well themselves and have nobody in real life to ask for advice / support. Should they just never have kids?

I’m glad the government is stepping in. Though I think it was really effective when done through sure start centres so it would be better if those were reopened.

There wasn’t necessarily children’s centres but there was toddler groups, preschool playgroups and health visitor clinics where everyone was invited to go, rather than select offerings.

Can I ask, did you find it harder than you were expecting it to be? Genuine question.

Ffs people shouldn’t need help with basic parenting! This attitude is why we are in such a mess

Kindergarten is not mandatory so no child was being denied an education.

I think our understanding of psychology has evolved but society hasn’t.

In that we’re forcing families to adhere to one social contract (having them potty trained by school) whilst simultaneously understanding that shame, guilt, enforcement, coercion and embarrassment aren’t the acceptable ways to bring about that skill development. (Well…most parents of school aged kids understand that.)

We also have a society which has removed early support, surestart, health visitors and instead emphasised information from websites and social media removing the human connection. And a society which requires, often, both parents working and an excess of socialising and going out to clubs and entertainment. One that has prioritised the buying of goods to solve a problem.

And mangoes…apparently.

Is it a shame there needs to be government intervention, well yes, but that doesn’t mean that parents, in the majority, aren’t doing their best. And it doesn’t mean kicking your kids out until the streetlights came on was any better.

And some more mangoes.

It’s parents not doing what they should be most of the time. I also strongly believe a lot of the so called Sen is neglect during the early years, not failure to feed or keep clean, but failure to communicate with your dc face to face ideally in the first 3 years of life. I have friends currently doing extensive research on this and I am very interested in the outcome. Screens are mostly to blame, not even giving the child a screen but parents glued to them