To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

Has the Princess of Wales' early years initiatives helped in any way about these issues with preschool kids? If it's not part of that agenda maybe it should be, I mean who wouldn't listen to Kate about this? 😊

In another world, if I were a reception teacher I would be demanding from my union that children be accepted only when fully potty trained. Maybe that's the case now, but if it isn't...... it should be. That would focus the mind!

Don’t be ridiculous.
my father died when I was six months pregnant and I lived over 1000 miles away from my mum when my son was born - advice and information is available.

Yes. Many threads I’ve see on here where someone says that they have their children do 30 minutes of homework daily and there will be posters making out like that is unreasonable. Absolutely bonkers. 30 minutes isn’t even long especially when it is something they’re interested in.

My children are grown now but born in the eighties and they were both toilet trained by about 18 months old. There were just standards before they could enter reception of things they had to achieves. We were both working so we just made time to do those things. I remember receiving a list very similar to this and we made sure they could do all these things on the list before they started. Are parents not doing this anymore?

SureStart centres supporting parents a lot.

My oldest was ready before 2 yo but we had to wait because that's when his nursery room was set up for it. He had terrible eczema and nappy rash and was ready. Other than waiting, nursery were a great help.

I think about 2 yo felt average to me. Google says the potty training age in the UK is 3.5 yo.

I've said you're not unreasonable to think that. But it amazes me if you are genuinely surprised. Surely you've seen headlines about how many teachers are leaving because parents are expecting them to parent, not teach? And despite the fact there's more people now, parks are empty compared to a few decades ago, because a lot more people give their child screens instead of taking them out. At home, they're on screens, in nappies.

It's not "talk", oral hygiene is part of the early years curriculum and many schools and early years settings are incorporating tooth brushing as part of their daily routine.

like you the first baby I held was my own and I was 32! i was also living in a foreign country and had no support network until I took Ds to a mums and tots group when he was about 12 months. Yes, it is hard but that’s not an excuse for (in some cases) lazy parenting.

As an ex-primary teacher I agree with pretty much everything that's been said so far. And there's definitely
been a massive parenting decline post-covid.

Absolutely agree with the shame thing. People should feel at least embarrassed, if not ashamed about neglecting their children!

The two-parents working full time excuse is always trotted out in discussions like this, but out of all the two-income families we grew up with, and raised our kids with (youngest is only 8!), the only child I know that wasn't potty trained by 3 was severely autistic.

Kids are pacified with screens so parents get wildly overwhelmed when their child is unsettled. It's like parents are afraid of upsetting their children.

I agree people shouldn't shout at or shame a child but it's ok to say, I know you like having a nappy but it's time for big kids pants.

I am that parent. I asked about support with teaching reading/ writing / phonics as my son was interested.

Pages of pages of people telling me I was being ridiculous and a tiger mom and hot housing him and that if he did manage to learn he will be bored at school.

I am stubborn so I ignored, but most wouldn’t have done - so I don’t think it’s the parents in that circumstance. It’s Britains very strange attitude to education and then we wonder why the second gen immigrants out do us at school.

There are lots of sources for help - children's centres, toddler groups, friends/siblings with children, books and online information, charities. Children who have additional needs - parents can access support from the professionals working with their children

Peddled by Pampers, and repeated by plenty of MNers.

I got savaged on a potty training thread for mentioning that my son and his best friend were trained before 2. After she conceded I wasn't lying, she said they were massive outliers and it wasn't normally biologically possible.

I can see how it's seductive to think that if you wait for the magic moment it will take just a few days.

But tbh, it only took three weeks, all increasingly competent, for my son to get it, before he was mostly accident free. I shudder at the thought of trying to train him now he's almost 3.

My friends grandson stays every weekend with her, she asked him to brush his teeth, he said No I don't brush them at home, only at school, I can't understand where this come from. It was a matter of pride to me that DD was as i dependent as she needed to be ehen she started school, toilet trained, dressed herself and cleaned her teeth with supervision

I did not grow up watching and helping cousins and aunties raise babies. I didn't know anything about babies and children.

I come from a massive family, did a lot of babysitting and was considered the responsible one but potty training was never something I actually had to teach. I was changing nappies or taking children to the toilet, I wasn’t teaching them how to do it. As I said upthread, my own parents didn’t do the potty training. I had to research it with my own children and there was a lot of information and ways on how . I was doing it with mine not knowing they were ND. It was a lot of tears for me tbh getting them there but did before school started.

I'm not. When i was young parents needed to be taught not to beat their kids, to teach their kids to cross the road safely, and to make sure their kids were at home before 10 at night.

That was the case for playgroups here in the '70s.

My SIL is super bright, on Mumsnet a lot as far as I can work out but when she was training her DD (late - in the summer before reception in a bit of a panic) she messaged ‘I just didn’t realise that having so many accidents was normal she just keeps peeing everywhere’ and thought that meant she wasn’t ready so they needed to give up. I encouraged her to keep going and that yes soggy pants and stinky washing was usual for a few months sometimes but they had to persevere.

I think PP were right in that the ‘when they are ready’ message needs a massive caveat - or before they start school whatever happens first!!

The “readiness” concept is so insidious that people think they will cause damage by potty training their kid.

I have friends who have never tried to train their 4yo because they’re worried about “forcing” the child. They’re just waiting for the child to do it themselves.

It isn’t laziness at all.

Too much screen time.
Little.ones given.ipads and phones. This affects their attention spans.
Toilet training requires time.and patience.

Spot on.
I teach year 3/4 - I have had parents this week tell me they won’t read with their child because it’s boring.
I also had a parent phone the office and request that I didn’t check their reading record as it was causing them anxiety that they hadn’t read three times that week so wouldn’t get a house point.
Easily bloody solved - read with your child!
And 3 times is a low bar!

Dbil is a deputy head in a primary - village primary in a wealthy area. They’ve had to employ a teaching assistant for reception to help with toilet training. These are not children with SEN - more than 50% of the dc are not toilet trained. It’s a disgrace. My personal observation is parents leave it too late and then it becomes much harder. Dc are usually ready to be dry in the day around 2 but most wait until over 3. There’s no excuse. I have 3 dc including twins.

I know that within my own family, one of my aunts was upset that her DIL insisted that the children would move out of nappies 'when ready' because this was the advice at the time. (The aunt backed off so as to avoid being an interfering MIL. Before anyone asks, her son largely left toilet training to the DIL as the SAHP.

The children eventually were toilet trained, but just in time for starting school.

I think it's because we're all so isolated.

The first baby I held in my life was my own. I was 27.

My husband went back to work and I was left alone in the house with a brand new baby. No one showed me what to do or how to do it

I did not grow up watching and helping cousins and aunties raise babies. I didn't know anything about babies and children.

I'm not a stupid woman. I read to my children and chatted to them and did crafts and took them to mini gymnastics and petting zoos and museums. I tried very hard to do it all right. But I genuinely didn't know that I was supposed to teach them their letters and to write their name before starting school. I thought that was what school was for!

I got myself out to baby groups and made friends with other new mums. I muddled along - but that was 20 years ago. I bet now it's much easier to stay in your home with your forums and your chat gpt. So isolating.

Lazy parenting, plain and simple.