Page 20 | To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

Wisefishswimpast · 2026-10-05T17:29:59+00:00

That^^ Why are these parenting fails happening? - not potty trained for starting school, tooth extractions in young children, rising obesity rates…. Is there no accountability? Why is this happening? YANBU - parenting standards have declined which is terrible YABU - this is how things are because….<explanation> I know there will be exceptions to the above, for example certain health conditions, late maturation of signals between brain and bladder. I am referring to the more widespread rise in these instances.

Duncantoldme2 · 05/10/2026 21:39

LGBirmingham · 05/10/2026 21:28

I say this on every one of these threads. They need to change the advice on the NHS website that says you should be waiting for signs of readiness. My son trained at 2 and 9 months but had I found the advice from ERIC, that says not to look for signs of readiness and begin potty learning at a very young age, sooner then he could have been trained much earlier I think.

My son was neither exceptionally easy or difficult to train. But if he'd been a challenge and I'd continued holding out for all the readiness signs so started after 3, then I can see how people end up with an untrained 4 year old. 3 year olds are so much more stubborn than 2 year olds.

Edited

From AI

The Shift in Guidance
For many years, NHS resources and health visitors advised parents to wait until their toddler showed traditional signs of readiness—such as showing interest in the toilet, staying dry for two hours, or explicitly telling a parent they had a wet nappy.

However, official UK guidance explicitly moved away from this child-led "wait for signs" model:

The Reason for the Change: Modern disposable nappies are highly efficient at absorbing moisture, which means many children never feel uncomfortable or display the traditional cues of being wet. Waiting for these signs caused many parents to delay training, leading to a sharp rise in children starting primary school without being toilet trained.
Current NHS Advice: The NHS website now explicitly states: "You do not need to wait for your child to show signs or ask to use a potty before you start." Instead, health practitioners recommend a proactive "potty learning" approach, starting structural preparation as early as 6 to 9 months and aiming to stop using nappies entirely during the day between 18 and 30 months.

Bideshi · 05/10/2026 21:39

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/10/2026 21:00

Mine are long grown up now, but I read at the time that children were not usually physiologically ready - meaning that they’d have sufficient bladder/bowel control to wait even a very short time - until the age of 2.

So I waited until they were both just past 2, and both times it took a week - at least for daytime.

I certainly didn’t wait until they showed any particular signs of readiness.

A friend of a dd used to say her son (no SN) still ‘wasn’t ready’ at three and a half.

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Mine are also long grown and I date from the Terry nappy era, which really incentivised toilet training. I waited until the summer closest to their second birthday and just put them straight into pants. I imagine the sense of liberation helped. Vigilance and bribes did the rest. Girls easier than boys, I found, but all 4 reliably trained by 2.5.
Agree about shame.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 05/10/2026 21:33

Violetplus4 · 05/10/2026 19:27

Can potty training be hard work? Absofuckinglutely. Is it worth it and should it be the parents job? Absofuckinglutely.
I’m currently in the thick of it with potty training a 2.5 year old (DC no4). He’s pretty much got it now and his sense of achievement is massive!
It should not fall on teachers/TA’s to teach toilet training or change nappies. The thought of a poor teacher/TA having to change a 4-5yo is just bloody crazy.

Cheers for that. It isn't through choice that my non verbal autistic boy has started mainstream school this year in nappies and needs changing.

Sounds like you have been lucky. I couldn't get my daughter potty trained for wees until three and poos until five.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 05/10/2026 21:32

@EtherealcelestialbeingI think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:29

LGBirmingham · 05/10/2026 21:28

I say this on every one of these threads. They need to change the advice on the NHS website that says you should be waiting for signs of readiness. My son trained at 2 and 9 months but had I found the advice from ERIC, that says not to look for signs of readiness and begin potty learning at a very young age, sooner then he could have been trained much earlier I think.

My son was neither exceptionally easy or difficult to train. But if he'd been a challenge and I'd continued holding out for all the readiness signs so started after 3, then I can see how people end up with an untrained 4 year old. 3 year olds are so much more stubborn than 2 year olds.

Edited

They finally did.

LGBirmingham · 05/10/2026 21:28

I say this on every one of these threads. They need to change the advice on the NHS website that says you should be waiting for signs of readiness. My son trained at 2 and 9 months but had I found the advice from ERIC, that says not to look for signs of readiness and begin potty learning at a very young age, sooner then he could have been trained much earlier I think.

My son was neither exceptionally easy or difficult to train. But if he'd been a challenge and I'd continued holding out for all the readiness signs so started after 3, then I can see how people end up with an untrained 4 year old. 3 year olds are so much more stubborn than 2 year olds.

jumpingjohnny · 05/10/2026 21:25

Duncantoldme2 · 05/10/2026 20:45

I can believe the swiping a book very easily.

'But seeing a two year old in a pram drinking cola from a bottle and watching a phone whilst the parent smokes in - this is the school gate . . ' - Is this true or an exaggeration? Is it common?

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Swap smoking for vaping and it's scarily common. In both meanings of the word.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:25

Aydel · 05/10/2026 21:24

We lived in Central Europe when mine were small. They went to nursery at 18 months and had to be toilet trained by then. It’s still the case now - they start toilet training at just over a year. They thought we “westerners” were terribly lazy leaving potty training until age 3.

My mum is adamant I was potty trained at 6 months!!!

Thehop · 05/10/2026 21:25

I've been in early years for 20 years and the Landscape has completely changed.

we're now told we have to be responsible for toilet training, toothbrushing, getting children trained to out coats on. OFSTED hold nursery responsible if parents pack a terrible lunch. The squeeze is horrendous, we're being asked to do more and more because parents can't and won't. The children's behaviour is appalling. So many are violent, swearing, unable to hear "no."

The safeguarding stress is unreal. We have babies who try to swipe books to scroll because even they only get screens.

Aydel · 05/10/2026 21:24

We lived in Central Europe when mine were small. They went to nursery at 18 months and had to be toilet trained by then. It’s still the case now - they start toilet training at just over a year. They thought we “westerners” were terribly lazy leaving potty training until age 3.

Offherrockingchair · 05/10/2026 21:24

ILoveKits · 05/10/2026 21:12

Our DC are early 30s/late 20s.

They could go to the lovely little private nursery for three hours in the morning or afternoon from the term after their 2yr 6mth birthday, providing they were dry and out of nappies. I don't recall any child starting reception in nappies - I don't think they'd have been allowed.

There is no incentive.

Exactly that. The nursery mine went to ten-twelve years ago would take them if they were potty trained at 2 and 9 months. Everyone wanted to go there so the DC were trained. Literally no incentive these days.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:23

EvolvedAlready · 05/10/2026 21:21

A spoon of sugar is cheaper, just give them that sure.

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The sugar is too sweet . So is sweet corn btw. The kid is weird.

NovaF · 05/10/2026 21:22

There was a post on here the other day where a woman asked if her friend was unreasonable for telling her reception aged daughter she should use the toilet now. The woman thought nothing of changing the child in the living room, letting her sit on the potty watching tv, with numerous posts about how potty training has been hard with no accountability as to the lack of consistent effort. I get some children take longer, or some may wear pull ups at night, but for so many it just seems like neglect. The woman that posted had her child attend groups with her, it did not seem there was a lack of time just a lack of effort.

They see no issue in their child crapping in a nappy at school. There is no accountability and as a pp said, shame. I cannot compute how someone can not prioritise that as a child’s life basic life skill.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:22

FabulousFreshias · 05/10/2026 21:21

I’ve been a reception class teacher since the mid 1990’s. Apart from a couple of children with special needs none of my classes in the 1990’s had children who were in nappies. There would be a few that had occasional toileting accidents, but the contrast in 30 years is absolutely unbelievable. Children then started school toilet trained, most could have a good go at using a knife and fork and knew how to handle books. It’s unbelievable and very sad how standards have fallen in that time.

So how many children do you have in this cohort that aren’t toilet trained out of 30, this year? Last year? 5 years ago?

Bitsostuff · 05/10/2026 21:22

renovationchoas · 05/10/2026 21:06

@XStitcher87

personally, I think that potty training is quite straightforward. My daughter copied me and went on the potty when I went on the loo from around 15 months, as she showed interest in seeing other kids doing it at the childminder, so we did about 3 months of just practising here and there at home and then went full training and she was fine within a weekend. My son was harder work at 2.3 - I did it with annual leave - I took two days before a BH so that I had 5 days and then we went away on holiday for a week and continued there - totally trained by the end of the 12 days. Was it less relaxing on holiday - yes, but I had a two year old, I wasn’t expecting an easy life and it was convenient because I could give him my full attention.

i really don’t think it is a big deal - secret is to have a high mess threshold anyway and/or be willing to spend lots of time outdoors to minimise cleaning! It is also very important to be able to communicate clearly and firmly and kindly that you want them to try to do it but keep calm and let them know it’s ok when they fail “oh dear, next time on the potty” and genuinely mean it. Lots of parents get really stressed about it and every accident is a failure and then it is hell.

Lol and how did it go with your other 28 children (you need 30 data points for a statistically significant sample)?

EvolvedAlready · 05/10/2026 21:21

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:18

My well parented child ate (still does at 15 tbh) frubes!!!! I shall tell her she can run feral from now on, because... Frubes!

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A spoon of sugar is cheaper, just give them that sure.

FabulousFreshias · 05/10/2026 21:21

I’ve been a reception class teacher since the mid 1990’s. Apart from a couple of children with special needs none of my classes in the 1990’s had children who were in nappies. There would be a few that had occasional toileting accidents, but the contrast in 30 years is absolutely unbelievable. Children then started school toilet trained, most could have a good go at using a knife and fork and knew how to handle books. It’s unbelievable and very sad how standards have fallen in that time.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:20

Vivi0 · 05/10/2026 21:16

This is certainly not the advice I was given when my children were born in 2018 and 2021.

Not that my two ever showed any signs of readiness anyway, but they needed to be dry by 3 to start the Kindergarten which feeds into their school, so I didn’t really pay much attention to the advice at the time.

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Don’t bother. I’ve been saying this for the past two hours to echoes of “lallalalallalalalallala” “not true”.

None as blind as those that don’t want to see.

XStitcher87 · 05/10/2026 21:19

renovationchoas · 05/10/2026 21:06

@XStitcher87

personally, I think that potty training is quite straightforward. My daughter copied me and went on the potty when I went on the loo from around 15 months, as she showed interest in seeing other kids doing it at the childminder, so we did about 3 months of just practising here and there at home and then went full training and she was fine within a weekend. My son was harder work at 2.3 - I did it with annual leave - I took two days before a BH so that I had 5 days and then we went away on holiday for a week and continued there - totally trained by the end of the 12 days. Was it less relaxing on holiday - yes, but I had a two year old, I wasn’t expecting an easy life and it was convenient because I could give him my full attention.

i really don’t think it is a big deal - secret is to have a high mess threshold anyway and/or be willing to spend lots of time outdoors to minimise cleaning! It is also very important to be able to communicate clearly and firmly and kindly that you want them to try to do it but keep calm and let them know it’s ok when they fail “oh dear, next time on the potty” and genuinely mean it. Lots of parents get really stressed about it and every accident is a failure and then it is hell.

It sounds like you had a very different experience to me. I have a little boy (which I’ve heard are more difficult to train. I have a little girl as well now so time will tell!). His issue was that he wouldn’t actually go and would hold on for hours to the point we were concerned about UTIs. That was stressful in itself but it also meant he wasn’t having any accidents he could learn from, which when you only have a few days increased the pressure.

It was never an issue of the mess (I’ve had a dog since a puppy so am all to familiar with accidents). It was more the psychological aspect.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:18

EvolvedAlready · 05/10/2026 21:16

lazy parenting! Probably overweight themselves and too f**king lazy to teach basics.
I say that having grown up with a parent who said “the schools should be teaching….<enter a basic life skill not on the curriculum>. No time for it. Kids being fed crisps, chocolate, frubes, crap yogurt’s to keep them snacked and quiet. Then the children who are well parented are scratching their heads wondering, why can’t Johnny go to the toilet or wash his hands? “Because some children’s mommy’s and daddy’s are useless” . But you can’t say that, you have to be PC and say something like “well mommy and daddy helped you, so maybe they need help from theirs too”…. Or some shitty excuse, to normalise shite parenting.

My well parented child ate (still does at 15 tbh) frubes!!!! I shall tell her she can run feral from now on, because... Frubes!

Calling · 05/10/2026 21:18

MellowSubmarine · 05/10/2026 19:31

Maybe you’ll think this makes me sound like a judgy cow, but I actually do consider myself a pretty different parent to ones who give cans of monster to a young child! There was a woman I used to see at school drop off who had a ~2 yr old in a pram and every morning that child was eating a bag of frazzles. That is just crap parenting.

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I wonder whether giving young children frazzles etc for breakfast contributes to ADHD, SEN, etc etc, because of the lack of nutrition?

TheFifthTellytubby · 05/10/2026 21:17

ILoveKits · 05/10/2026 21:12

Our DC are early 30s/late 20s.

They could go to the lovely little private nursery for three hours in the morning or afternoon from the term after their 2yr 6mth birthday, providing they were dry and out of nappies. I don't recall any child starting reception in nappies - I don't think they'd have been allowed.

There is no incentive.

Same age as ours. Pretty sure our primary school would not allow reception-age children to attend in nappies, unless there was some medical or SEN-related reason. There were of course occasional "accidents", which were attended to and the parents notified discreetly at the end of the day, but it was never a big deal and always the exception rather than the rule.

Vivi0 · 05/10/2026 21:16

Duncantoldme2 · 05/10/2026 21:10

This is on the NHS website

When should I start potty training?
Almost all children can be potty trained between 18 months and 2-and-a-half years old.

Starting around this age gives your child time to practice these new skills and build confidence without nappies.

The best thing to do is to start the training.

You do not need to wait for your child to show signs or ask to use a potty before you start

A free website. Pass it on.

https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/toddler/potty-training-your-child/#when-to-start-potty-training

This is certainly not the advice I was given when my children were born in 2018 and 2021.

Not that my two ever showed any signs of readiness anyway, but they needed to be dry by 3 to start the Kindergarten which feeds into their school, so I didn’t really pay much attention to the advice at the time.

EvolvedAlready · 05/10/2026 21:16

lazy parenting! Probably overweight themselves and too f**king lazy to teach basics.
I say that having grown up with a parent who said “the schools should be teaching….<enter a basic life skill not on the curriculum>. No time for it. Kids being fed crisps, chocolate, frubes, crap yogurt’s to keep them snacked and quiet. Then the children who are well parented are scratching their heads wondering, why can’t Johnny go to the toilet or wash his hands? “Because some children’s mommy’s and daddy’s are useless” . But you can’t say that, you have to be PC and say something like “well mommy and daddy helped you, so maybe they need help from theirs too”…. Or some shitty excuse, to normalise shite parenting.

VioletsTale · 05/10/2026 21:16

Fireside10 · 05/10/2026 21:13

I'll be honest whilst I'm not denying this doesn't happen, it feels very pushed and exaggerated in the media. My DS is the youngest in his class, he started year one this September and his class of around 25 have a mix of family backgrounds and dynamics including one child with a developmental delay. Of that they are and we're at starting school potty trained, I'm including in that my friends and families children too. Which will be around the same figure of children when I started primary in the mid nighties.

My DS and his friends thought it was weird when the 'toothbrush lady' came in and showed them how to brush their teeth as we'd already done it that morning...

Again, I'm sure it does happen but does it really happen so much and on such an increasing scale that we need constant articles over it?

Tbf, in the past few years , the only children starting Reception at my school (very deprived area) still in nappies are those with significant needs/delays.