To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

It is not recommended to shame a child if they poo in their underwear or wee the bed.

We live in an increasingly consequence-free society generally. Look up suicidal empathy.

When you are potty training you don't wear a nappy. You put your child in pants and explain to them that we wee wee in the potty. Then frequently sit them on the potty and frequently ask, "Do you need a wee wee?". You praise them if they wee in the potty. If they have an accident then they see that they are wet.

Did your official health service also recommend waiting for signs of readiness before introducing them to potty for years? If not, there’s one main difference there.

It was the professional who told me to wait until DD was ready .

It was a different professional that told me that if she had no speech she had no understanding either. Literally “well, if she could understand, she ‘d be speaking!”.

It was several professionals that were utterly unconcerned with her lack of eating/drinking milk to then be racked over the coals when she was 2 because she was too short!?!

If I had listened to them, I’d be the parent you’re all bitching about.

Yes of course. But thay is not happening.

I think the point of the the idea was to force parents to potty train, somehow.

If parents average of potty training was 18 months instead of 30 it would be great for sustainability as neither laundry or disposable nappies would be used for the extra 12 months. Added to which the savings of labour, wipes nappies would be around £700/800

If you need constant in person help to be told, take their pants off and keep directing them to the loo, there will be a lot of mess but they will get there to manage to do basic parenting then perhaps they just shouldn’t have children.

When I was potty training DD mumsnet was awash with the whole “readiness” thing, you would get the impression that you would damage their ability to pee properly or something.

We took a week off work and let DC run around without any pants on when she was 1.5yrs there was a lot of cleaning but she started nursery mostly dry and then they were brilliant about supporting. Lots of things with kids are easier if you do it younger. I think it’s a mix of some people cba and the belief that children will magically intuit that it’s time.

Tbh as well theres no excuse really, you have loads of information at your fingertips, most of us spend way too much time on devices anyway, use some of that time to look up potty training. We also need to start shoving responsibility back on parents. Your kids not potty trained they aren’t going to school, you don’t feed your kids you are going to get hauled over the coals until you do. I’m sorry but I have zero sympathy for shit parents. We keep focusing on feeling sorry for people and trying to understand instead of just saying “stop whinging and get it done”. We just help helpless people be even more helpless.

Mine has one everyday because if not my spoons would never make it back from school 😂

YANBU. It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children age-appropriate self-care skills, informed by common sense and pride.

Also that a child who wets a disposable nappy won't feel it and be uncomfortable .

I'm sure it's a factor.

I think there's multiple factors and it's not just laziness.

I could have done with some help with potty training. I struggled with my first a lot and it was a bit late as he was 4 (although prior to school) and knowing what I know now I would have approached the whole thing differently and earlier. I had no clue. Due to COVID there wasn't much village for advice. And some of the advice useless or didn't work. He hated reward charts for example.

My DS also has sensory issues which definitely played a part in making it harder.

His sibling was much much easier because she got the idea and cooperated. And I sometimes think all the smug people who say well potty training worked easily for me probably had children more like my DD.

So I probably didn't get it quite right but tried my best. I'm sure a lot of parents are trying their best.

I agree disposable nappies don't help because they are comfortable and children feel dry - so they don't have to stop playing etc to pee.

I'm so happy that my children are finally out of nappies.

Toothbrushing at nursery has happened for ages in Scotland.

Special needs aside. I think it’s disposable nappies alongside many other things. Back in the day when towel nappies and large pins were the only option children were out of nappies much earlier.

If a child does not have a person who dedicate time to potty training, how will it happen? It is the responsibility of parents not schools

It definitely seems like it's getting worse. The news is about the increasing numbers, and I don't remember it being a talking point some years ago. I don't remember any kids at playgroup (showing my age with that word) having nappies or being changed and my mum never had these issues at the playgroup she ran.

It's a pity that there can't be something akin to a driving test that people have to pass before they can have children.

It isn’t just changing the nappy, though, @JLou08 - the disposable is simply bagged and binned, but the terry nappy needed to go in a bucket of napisan where it soaked until you had a load, then needed to be washed, dried and folded to the right shape to use. And if it was a pooey nappy, the poo had to be scraped off into the loo. And the plastic pants that went over them needed washing too - it was a whole lot more work than disposable nappies.

This nails it. Shame serves a very useful purpose in society, and painting shame as being inherently negative or unwarranted is not good for us as a society. Shame, when wielded appropriately and in moderation, is a very beneficial thing.

I also agree with pp that a big part of the problem appears to be people sticking their children in front of screens, and also being on screens constantly themselves. I have relatives in education and they say (aside from lack of toilet training, and lack of fine motor control, not knowing how to hold a pencil, or use scissors etc) children's oral language skills and ability to answer and expand on questions are dreadful, which is something I've seen reported in the news too.

I think poverty can be an issue if the parent is stressed or isolated without support. No two people are the same whether rich or poor.

A bit hypocritical to say other parents delaying potty training is purely down to laziness when you admit to doing this yourself to help with your family holiday.

The issue with that though is that disabilities aren't always apparent when children are starting school at just 4. Some children won't be diagnosed until years later and the continence team often aren't very interested in seeing a child until they are at least 7.

Of course it's beyond frustrating when parents don't potty train children who are able to by the time they start school but we do have to be careful that attempting to punish and shame those parents doesn't trickle down to disabled children.

Banning disposable nappies for example. Would a child need a diagnosis? How would parents of disabled children get disposable nappies? Would they become more expensive? I can't see a way that it wouldn't negatively affect families of disabled children.

Eh?

Most of these things were taught in school when my parents were pupils. They're in their 80s.

Were the conservatives "big state" for the formative years of these parents?

But surely trying to identify the reasons could help them to not be crap parents? Just saying they’re crap doesn’t do anything. It’s not about trying to justify crap parenting it’s about trying to figure out what’s going on.