To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

Honestly, the idea that parents are older these days and therefore should have more experience makes sense, until you realise that their baby is often the ONLY baby many parents know. Probably when women became mothers younger and had less access to workplaces and social mobility, they were in their neighbourhood seeing other young women caring for babies and were most likely near their own mothers for guidance too.

Thank you!

As a Reception teacher, I actually fully support government intervention here because the problem is the messaging that has reached parents about children needing to be “ready” to toilet train. This has come from nappy companies trying to prolong nappy wearing and does delay potty training and is not evidence based. That messaging is STRONG and has been on to go a good 20(?) years. It needs something strong to counteract it.

I think that the hassle of washing terry nappies meant mums were more willing to sit their babies on the potty regularly and frequently, and the children got used to the feel of the potty meaning it was time for a wee.

Agree my parents used Terry nappies on us. We were out onlf nappies early day and night.

Average age of parents was much younger in the 60s, 70s and 80s than it is now as well. So you'd think with more life experience themselves, parents would be more across this kind of stuff. But seemingly, they are not and it baffles me tbh. I wonder what is going on? And if its that there are more SEN kids, why is that? And then again, see lots of people say SEN is not increasing, its just better diagnosed now, which then begs the question, why are issues like this on the increase then if SEN rates are the same as they were years ago, but now were just more aware? So many questions.

I don’t think it’s everywhere though. My kids are little still. For pre school for my eldest last year they told parents that they expected children to be dry, and to make a real effort in the summer holidays if they weren’t. Mine were both trained by two, or just after for my second. Everyone was apparently potty trained in my son’s pre school class, so that’s age 3. And it’s in an area with a lot of two parent working families

I agree.

Traditional terry nappies were uncomfortable when wet, so children were ready to potty train much earlier. Modern disposables advertise that they are dry on the skin, even when soaked. The message of ‘wetness’ doesn’t get through in the same way, so there’s little incentive for a child to rid themselves of nappies nowadays.

Yes there has been.
And in poor areas there was public shaming of bad parents. Sometimes helped, sometimes didn't.

To be fair the reason this used to happen less is exactly because there was far far more government intervention. My mum was a health visitor in the 1980's and 1990's and she would have a relationship with every family with an under 5. They could call her anytime, visit her in clinic weekly and she would support with weaning, potty training and identity children needing referrals. Now families are left to theor own devices so school is sometimes the first state intervention these children have. It's a result of austerity. There have slways been lazy parents

I am older. When I was a young adult other mums told me kids were ready for toilet training when you had dry spells between nappy changes, as this meant they had muscle control.

I think leaving it till later is fine for the kids who have no problem toilet training. It's like if we didn't teach kids to read until they are 12, those who find it fairly easy and are academic but would catch up.

But it means those who struggle with potty training simply take that struggle into a much older age where it becomes more of an issue for kids to still be in nappies.

But we were always taught that you had to actually toilet train them. And often the first step was getting them used to sitting on the potty without any expectations. Many of us also used bribery, it usually works,

It’s horrific, not just in the UK. A little boy in my DS’s class pooped all over the bathroom floor at school (reception age) the other week. Didn’t tell the teacher. Other children then stood in it and trekked it all through the classroom and turned the room into a turd covered classroom. The teacher called another parent that night in hysterics (understandably). They’re not paid for or equipped to deal with that, I felt awful for her and the TA. Personal opinion here, but children should be bathroom ready to go to school. My child has ASD and it took work but he did get it by 3.5.

Just looks at the queue's around MDs day and night and wonder why obesity and other health issues on the rise.
Went to an apt early last week and 7am massive queue at drive through for MDs was disgusted and then in the late evenings.
Couch potato and spreading to kids also.

My parents did Elimination communication with me and my siblings while working in a factory doing oppoaite shifts 6 - 2 and 3 - 10. We were out of nappies before 2 and day all night by 2.5years old. Mum cooked home made meals everyday never knew what takeaway or ready made meal was. Even on days out anywhere theme parks, beach etc. mum always prepped home made picnic she made her own fried chicken, scotch eggs, sarnies etc.
We walked everywhere even though we had a car. School, shopping etc. Much more active.
Laziness and convince and consumerism has gripped everyone and is the modern way of life and if you do otherwise you are considered backwards or regressive. Why deny modern conveniences?

Don't talk rubbish & stop making excuses for lazy parenting. No parent needs a support group to bring up a child. Having a child isn't about the baby shower, gender reveal, pram shopping & cute baby clothes, it is about applying yourself 100% to making sure your child reaches expected mile stones at the correct age.

Absolutely this. Was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about financial literacy and the amount of people saying that children should be taught about how to run a household like paying bills, washing clothes etc at school. A schools job is to give a formal education to give kids qualifications to get into higher education or work, it is not their job to teach basic life skills. And guess what it’s actually easier for parents to teach kids in their own home rather than the school having to create role play scenarios. If parents honestly have so little appetite for teaching their children such basic things then why are they even having them? Why not just hand them over to the state at birth if you care so little about how they are taught the most basic things.

I don’t think blaming mums for going back to work is the answer. My DC has been going to private nursery since she turned one. She potty trained before 2 and a half and pretty much all the kids at her nursery are potty trained before going into the preschool room at 3. In my bubble of parents I would say all kids are potty trained at or before 3, are read to, have reasonable diets, and watch some TV but their parents are conscious of screen time, and all of them are raised by both parents working. However I know from a parent in law who reports to children’s panels that unfortunately there are a lot of kids who are scrapping by only having their most basic needs met and when they go to nursery at 3 they are already so far behind and it is so difficult for them to catch up before school.

I don’t want to say it’s a class issue, it a lot more nuanced than that. I wouldn’t even say it’s poverty, giving these parents more money wouldn’t solve these issues and there are lots more families in poverty chugging along struggling but still doing a good job of bringing up their kids. Sure start etc is great and helps I’m sure, but judging by the amount of ‘my health visitor is judgey’ posts I see on mum groups on facebook I don’t think these parents are going engage with these services in the way they are intended. I think these parents really need to stay valuing their input into their child’s lives and start seeing how important it is.

You’re doing well. Don’t stress. You sound like a brilliant mum. They forget about it all. We don’t. I can’t remember being potty trained but my mum remembers! X

Don't do what works for you then. Continue to be uncomfortable totally unnecessarily. I really don't care.

That is not what I'm doing so let's leave it there.

I didn't call you sanctimonious. And no, I didn't read all of your posts.

I've never heard of the wait until 3 brigade either. I didn't wait until 3 with any of mine, I won't wait until 3 for the next one. I don't know anyone who specifically waited until 3. I'm not aware that was official advice.

I think you just need to do what works for you and stop making it into "us and them brigades". Two years from now, nobody will care how old your child was when you potty trained them, including you.

Thank you for sharing ❤️ sounds like he was really ready! Amazing he night trained so quickly too, I thought that could come much later but I guess you just watch how they're doing at night.

My main thing atm is am I giving enough nappy free time, I'm trying to do between breakfast and lunch, then between wake up from nap and dinner. He seems to have mostly cracked poos, just the odd occasion he's in the highchair and a bit has happened before I've got him out and upstairs. But it's the noticing what happens when he wees I'm trying to work on. I feel bad he's in some kind of childcare 3 days week so that's inconsistent already - at least at MIL's I've got him a potty now and she takes him when he asks but no nappy free time, and feels a bit much to ask of family. At least before I can say yes he's now able to notice he's wet/ask for the potty for a wee. I've been braving walks with no nappies but not going properly out in the car to the library group yet, for example. So that feels inconsistent as well.

Anyway - totally second guessing myself! I guess like you say it's not high pressure high stakes just yet.

Here’s my experience with my oldest. He would go behind the couch to do a poo. In his nappy. So he knew it was different from doing a wee. I thought he was ready and introduced a potty. He wasn’t for having it. Hated the potty. Would not sit on it.

One day he was getting his nappy changed before we were going out shopping and he asked if he could get a gladiator figure. And I said no, because they asked at the till where you were buying one if the boy you were buying it for had a nappy on and if I said yes, no gladiator figure. They were only for boys with pants.

Well, he was hysterical, saying he wanted the gladiator figure AND his nappy. So I ended up saying I would lie to the till person and pretend he didn’t have a nappy on (still ashamed).

Then when I went to work on the Monday, my Dad took him out “potty shopping” and I came into this massive big potty in the shape of a chair, moulded to look like a teddy, bit like a commode, in front of my telly, that he was happily sitting in doing a poo. 🤣

That was it.

Put pull ups on him for bed and for three nights running, he was dry in the morning.

So he was completely toilet trained due to that massive potty which was really like a toilet pan.

He was two. 19 months is young. Don’t stress.

Next one just got the teddy toilet chair and he took to it like a duck to water.

You can see when they’re ready, but some children can’t handle the traditional potty.

Its too low for them.

Also I do just find it can get awkward with some not all parents/mum friends. I've got lovely mum friends who have made different choices than I have (goes both ways, I've done some ridiculous things they wouldn't do and we laugh about) but I can absolutely joke or talk through how they're finding something that I've not chosen or started yet without it getting awkward for some reason. Potty training seems to be the one that makes everyone uncomfortable, apart from how we can all agree how annoying it is.

Yeah I don't think I'm a superior parent or sanctimonious, that felt like some mental gymnastics to read it into what I said, but I appreciate you may not have seen all my comments on this thread and tone, context is all lacking online.

I also get it's a topic that makes everyone feel pretty shit about themselves, had a colleague say the other day that potty training wasn't her finest hour and I said I don't think it's anyone's.

Like I said, I'd go to a drop in session on potty training in a heartbeat, I feel pretty isolated because it's a touchy subject to talk about and there's so much conflicting info on all sides. So why I find it uncomfortable talking to other parents about it, you don't want to say the wrong thing but also how else do you get answers on how to do it? And everyone's kid is different anyway.

I do think one of the original ideas I replied to, the "wait until 3 brigade" is different and there's some pushback from some peers, childcare if you think it's right to try it earlier. I did see my niece get it in a weekend but nephew take a lot longer and both started at 3, so I don't think this idea of waiting until 3 unless you're a martyr/idiot (not saying that's your point but it's the vibe on some potty training threads for sure) is a magic bullet. I think it's at least worth trying it before 3, going with your kid, in case they are one who'll take longer to get it so you've at least got more time before preschool etc starts, and I think people should be more supportive of that.

Everyone is making it up as they go along. That's why it grates on me when parents come across so sanctimonious. Sometimes you strike lucky and something works first time - be it potty training, nap schedules, weaning - but that doesn't make you a superior parent.

Honestly based on the threads on here, I don't know why anyone would want "mum friends", it sounds torturous.

Yeah I haven't had any weird or judgemental comments, but just people reacting like oh okay... Well I guess if he's not upset by it...

Then my best friend and grandma going oh don't you just get it done at 19 months and that's it?

Still feel like I'm making it up as I go along, it's why I've been asking for advice in the potty training thread on here as well.

Okay.... Don't know why this has made you so snippy. Maybe an example of what I was talking about actually, look how even discussing it rubs people the wrong way. It's genuinely how I feel, like I'm doing the wrong thing or it almost feels like a loaded topic and I have to add loads of caveats that feel defensive rather than I'm so superior. Basically wish there was more support for what I've started, but I only really know one parent who's done similar so I still feel quite lost with it and like I won't have support from nursery yet.

Wish there was more of a roadmap but there's so many different methods and different bits of advice re potty training, I asked lots of different parents I knew what they did, researched things myself and went with my gut when I started. Don't have my mum around to ask what she did or that would be a big help. I heard everything from "wait until they're 3" to "you should have started as soon as he could sit up".

And I absolutely know kids will take different amounts of time to do it. My friend started both her DC similarly with a potty from 12 months, one got it at 2.5 and one at 18 months. If you look at my previous posts, I've also mentioned the constraints working parents have and sure, not everyone wants to spend ages on it. I was fine with the slow gradual process and was less comfortable with not starting until later. Also saw my nephew not start until 3+ and then be very stubborn/nervous around the potty so thought at least if I start early, mine doesn't have the fear, however long it takes him to eventually get it.

I also think you misunderstood what I said about the HV expecting it at 2. I was quoting her, but I didn't think then or now that she meant "by 2", I understood her as start when they're 2. There does seem to be or have been pressure from other parents/nursery not to start until 3, which I don't think is the same as try it before then and see how they go.