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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stay awake until my 17-year-old gets home safely?

44 replies

YouBelongWithMe · Yesterday 22:58

Our DD is 17 and out with her friends tonight. They went to dinner and then to see Endgame, which I don't think is finished yet.

I am knackered and want to go to bed. But also do not want to go to bed without knowing she's home safe.

Am sat up, exhausted, willing her to get in touch.

AIBU? Would you just let her come home when you're asleep?

How do other parents of teens manage this bit??

OP posts:
MadisonMarieParksValetta · Yesterday 22:59

My mum used to do this with me. My kids aren't old enough to be out late yet but I know I'll do this when they are.

ToKittyornottoKitty · Yesterday 22:59

I’d wait up

KilkennyCats · Yesterday 23:00

Yes, I always do.

SkyLark79 · Yesterday 23:00

Always stay awake until I know my kids are safely home. My mum used to do the same with me even if it was the small hours x

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · Yesterday 23:02

I was living away by 17 so my mum never had this.

I know I can't do this forever - what will I do when it's 3am etc and she's been out clubbing. But 17 seems too young to let her self in without us knowing she's safe.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · Yesterday 23:05

I tend to doze but I keep waking up to check the time and whether she's home. Only when she's back do I sleep properly.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · Yesterday 23:06

It’s normal!! Especially at that age. You do get used to it over time.

I think while they are under your roof, you always have an ear cocked to make sure they get home safely. One small trick I learned is to open their bedroom door a little, so at least when you wake up you know if they are in or not. Just so you can relax if they don’t appear until 2pm. Ring door bell also good for peace of mind.

I usually don’t worry too much unless they are drinking. And after several years experience I am more relaxed about it.

Catza · Yesterday 23:11

She won't get in touch until Endgame is finished (it would be pretty rude to text in the cinema anyway) and, I imagine, only if you arranged for her to get in touch before she went out.
I swear to god, my mum still stays up when I visit and go out with a friend. I am in my 40s so you may be in for a long haul.
Find out when the film ends and text her 15 minutes after. She won't be pleased but at least you'll feel better knowing she is ok.

littlemisspickles · Yesterday 23:13

I am an anxious parent, but have surprised myself that I sleep before mine gets home. I have a friend that asks her kids to WhatsApp when they get home, so if she wakes, she knows they're back without going to look.

2chocolateoranges · Yesterday 23:14

I do go to bed, but I doze until I hear them in and make sure my phone is next to me, just incase.

I'm such a light sleeper.

dottydaily · Yesterday 23:15

i would say up,or stay awake in bedroom..

Thelonelyshrew · Yesterday 23:17

I can’t sleep until I hear her coming in the door.

TallSturdyGirls · Yesterday 23:17

Mine are all back so late I would be up every other night. I no longer stay up. I actually forget who is in sometimes and our is not very big!

CherryKerry · Yesterday 23:18

I used to go to bed but tended to not sleep until DS was home. Was good for reading my book!

Welcome to the stage of realising no matter how old they get, the Mum anxiety never goes away!

Yupstillhere · Yesterday 23:21

I sometimes still wait up until my 23 year old daughter is home, I tell myself I'm just watching TV etc, I can't sleep properly until I know she's home.

SubmarineDream · Yesterday 23:24

I did stay up to start with but now (he's 18 now) I ask him to text when he gets in so if (when) I wake up in the night I can make sure he is back. The first time I asked him to do this he didn't, so I went into his room at 3am and turned on the light "to make sure he was back" . He now texts me when he gets in every time!

MajesticWhine · Yesterday 23:32

My youngest is 16 and I don’t go to sleep until she’s home. I have older ones too and I think with them I naturally stopped that by the time they were 18/19.

Copperoliverbear · Yesterday 23:32

I would wait up on the sofa watching tv even if you nod off you will keep waking up

ThatGoldScroller · Yesterday 23:34

I don’t sleep well until everyone under my roof is home. Unless they are staying elsewhere.

canklesmctacotits · Yesterday 23:35

I wait up. Something I saw on TikTok is a dad who sets his alarm for whatever time the child said she/ he would be home. They’re instructed to switch it off as soon as they get home. If the alarm goes off he knows something is the matter. If not, he gets a full night’s sleep.

MellonFellon · Yesterday 23:38

Leave the phone on loud and go to sleep. If there's an issue, she'd call.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Yesterday 23:39

Yes unfortunately this is the shit bit about having older teens!

Old enough to be out latish but not old enough to trust they won’t need you for something.

Worst thing is if you have a younger one you need to get up with/ get to an activity in the morning, whilst said older teen can have a lie in! (But yes it would be extremely unreasonable to wake them)

Growlybear83 · Yesterday 23:42

I could never have gone to sleep until my daughter was home safely, although I always picked her up when she came home late, no matter what the time.

Greenspaceskeepmecalm · Yesterday 23:44

I go to sleep. They message when they get in, so I see it when if I wake during the night- I usually check the doorbell app too.

I need my sleep too much.

jumpflyskip · Yesterday 23:45

My son is 18 and he is in his first week of uni. I can track him and see roughly where he is but I have had to go to bed all week not really knowing where he is and what he is doing. When he was living at home i would never sleep till he came home. Friends say it does get easier over time . Sleepless nights wilth babies were far easier and less stressful than sleepless nights with teenagers.