Stepmum wanting consistent bedtimes and some adult time at weekends?

And why was he shagging around during covid times? 🤢

Personally I’d just leave.
If roles were reversed and it was you who go pregnant by another man on a 2 month break do you really think he’d be happy sacrificing his weekends to help you look after your kid? And on top of that intimacy?

What a horrible reply.

Oh dear OP, I would run a mile, if he is not giving you the time you deserve as his partner, why are you raising his child? 4 days a week! You are the resident parents, yet he is not giving you much attention and the mum can’t have her own child on weekends? For fuck sake, let these bastards do their own parenting themselves and go away to find someone nice who can give you the time and attention you deserve, that child is not even yours. I know she should be lovely but as a step mum you don’t have much say on how she is riser, this is a thankless job!

One day, you're going to look back at this and be so angry you wasted seven years with this man. Cut your losses and leave him - I don't know you but I'm 100% sure you can do better.

You are not being an evil stepmom...

Your stepDS is with you more than with his bio mum, and the nights he's not with you (3 of them) your DP is working.

Why can't you have a night out at the weekend? Get a babysitter! That's what bio parents do, why on earth shouldn't you?!

Yes this. Sorry OP as you clearly wanted this to work and you've tried so hard. But it will be at the cost of yourself and almost certainly of having your own children. It's too high a price. You're still young, you have a life ahead of you if only you can seize the chance and leave this man.

I think this too. I think you should say to him it’s not working for you and you need to leave, but if you accidentally get pregnant it’s wonderful to know you can just get back together and he will move heaven and earth to bring up your child, never go out again, never have a date again. Or maybe he won’t, because selfish men only think of what others can do for them.

What you are describing is just parenting. That you don’t have your own child probably makes it feel less rewarding, but it’s perfectly normal.
the young child phase of life means couple time is rare and found in moments. When dd was that age, sometimes DH and I met up over lunch on a weekday just to chat. Sometimes we managed to meet up for a more interesting lunch break.

Yet woman keep on having children with what they call selfish men, they ignore the red flags.

Op he is a father and acting like one that is what parents do

Omg. You want children but are wasting your life in a relationship where it might not be easy/welcome and where you are not happy because you don’t spend enough time with your partner. Why? Even if there was no history of breaking up and getting back together and he just came with a child it would be HARD for a woman without kids and possibly not worth it. But especially with history like that and given that he wa dumb enough to have a child in a 2 month fling, honestly..

I think you should cut your losses and move on and find a relationship where you will be happy and where you have a chance to have your own children as an equal partner

Seconded, with bells on. Scram.

You're absolutely correct; it would be pretty dreadful.

So why spend these fertile years caring for another woman’s child, without much acknowledgment let alone affection from your chosen partner, and all in the knowledge that you are in precisely the wrong place to ever have your own child?

So strange that he won’t shut the doors even for 30 mins to have some intimacy

I would find a man who did something so irresponsible to be a major turn-off. He goes and has unprotected sex, getting someone else pregnant, almost as soon as you broke up? Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Being a stepmum is a thankless job. You spend lots of your time and energy on someone else's child, all for them to grow up and quite possibly not consider you family. As someone else said, there's not a lot for you in this. Even if you marry him and have a child of your own, your family size might be limited to one child because your DP will already have two and may not feel able to support three. Then you've got the family of a stranger (the child's mum) being around forever

If I were you, OP, I'd start again with a fresh one, not one who's already got a child. Of course, this depends how old you are and if you want kids. But the lack of care and organisation around something as important as his fertility would have me running for the hills. It's the sort of thing you expect from a fifteen-year-old. No mature, competent man does this. And what else might he have caught while shagging strangers bareback? Just grim.

I'm not saying op has done anything wrong I'm saying this isn't going to work and if I was childless I would prefer to date childless men

having your own children is fine - you don’t have to throw yourself on the pyre of martyrdom. The problem on MN is that having stepchildren means bestowing them a god-like status where nobody else can have an opinion or life.

Good lord, you are doing all this for a partner?

Has he asked you to marry him? He should be cherishing the ground you walk on…

Also, if you broke up you would have no further right of contact with that little girl. All your love and care, for what?

Quite.

Also, @Marycontrarygardenpls don’t copy the entire long OP in your response. It’s totally unnecessary and annoying having to scroll through it.