To want to completely change what my DC eat even when DH thinks I’m making a fuss?

You have a DH problem, yes, but you are to blame as well. They’re your children too, if he was abusing them in other ways you’d have to protect them and not add to it, right?

Every time he tries to bring home or offer them the absolute shit you’re currently feeding them, throw it in the bin. You can only work on yourself and your own contribution to their health, and it seems like he’s very hands off anyway so let him carry on while you get your ducks in a row and get divorced. Your children are being literally malnourished and neglected if they’ve got cavities at 5 and 2.

Sorry OP, I am seeing that you’re recognising it needs change but to get to this stage is appalling in the first place. You need to become absolutely ruthless. How is your husband buying non stop shit if he doesn’t even have a job? If you’re home too, how are you affording all of this junk and takeaways? Not only is this all incredibly careless towards the children’s health, but financially you are being so irresponsible. Sorry for all the harsh words but this is a shocking and frankly disgusting diet for small children.

My sister’s kids at like this and are now riddled with health problems, it was one of the reasons we had a massive fallout and don’t speak, I was very critical of it.

The fruit and veg is getting wasted because you’re offering alternatives all the time. They’re not drinking water because you offer juice and squash. They’re not eating proper food as they get shitty white toast that has quite literally nothing of value in it, but is full of shit that induces cravings. You need to recalibrate everything, this will be affecting their organs, their brains, their education. Imagine setting yourself up for the day on chocolate and squash, it’s so obviously terrible. He’ll be crashing and craving half way through the morning, I wouldn’t be surprised if their behaviour is challenging and they struggle with bedtimes too.

Great. You crack on and make the changes you want. It's your husband's own insecurities that are making him obstinate about this.

You buy the food you cook it. You can enjoy introducing your children to a more varied pallet.

Also don't be embarrassed. X

Maybe lean into it. Yes, you are making a fuss because your children’s health is worth making a fuss about. Make a really big fuss.

A lockable cupboard for his junk?

Does he actively dislike normal, home cooked food? Takeaways and convenience foods have such high sugar, salt, fat levels that home cooked, healthy foods can taste quite bland by comparison. But it’s so worth it to persist because your taste buds kind of wake up again. I grew up eating very little veg or salad (my mums a veg hater 🙄) but as an adult I eat tons of it and I love it. It took a while though, and I still have a weakness for some processed foods. But I eat them very very rarely and my preference these days is definitely fresh, healthy and home made.

Your DH attitude will undermine you every step of the way unfortunately, and his attitude about their teeth is awful.
My DH and I would have very different diets if he did the cooking, he is significantly overweight and was when I met him. He does use food as a crutch and overeats/snacks.
I cook and everyone eats the same and even if my DH doesn’t really like Salmon, mash and broccoli for example he will sit and eat it because he wants the children to eat it.
I would start by making small changes, dippy eggs for breakfast, porridge or pancakes are pretty quick to make, I add in strawberries, blueberries etc
My 2 older ones have packed lunches, whole meal wraps, fruit, crisps and yoghurt, the little one has school dinners.
If he has chips/fish with his school dinner, I don’t have that for tea that week.
I think meal planning will help you the most, because you can get a little ahead with it.
If I make a spaghetti bol, I always make enough for 2 meals (with lots of hidden, grated vegetables).
I still brush my 6 year olds teeth myself so that I know they are being done properly.
At the ages your children are you’ll be able to turn it around.

I think the OP knows what she needs to do to improve her children’s / family diet . it’s dealing with her obstinate and unhelpful husband that she needs help with.

i don’t know what to suggest. I’m amazed that he would order a takeaway burger when you have cooked a family meal. I’m guessing he grew up eating like this and has zero interest in changing his habits because he chooses to believe it’s just fine. Grim. I would find it very hard to be married to a man who put his own desire for junk food over his children’s health, and who dismisses your concerns and all the evidence that is available now about diet, health, obesity etc. If he doesn’t give a shit that they have tooth decay at such a young age, he’s not going to care when they are overweight.

What’s DH doing to find a new job? The waiting list for Tribunals is massive, so hope he’s not just waiting on that

I once read somewhere that you have to get small children to try a food they don’t immediately love 7 times before they’ll just eat it. And it pretty much matches my experience.

I would take it slowly. Don’t start changing what you’re eating, just change your proportions at first. So serve a small portion of chips along with a single fish finger and a teaspoon of peas and one of carrots. No more chips until the rest is eaten. Pudding is available, but in proportion to how much dinner you ate. Once they get the hang of it, slowly increase the amount of veg and make it two fish fingers. Or change the veg until they’ll eat a range.

Your DH needs to grow up. If mine tried ordering take away because he didn’t want the dinner I’d cooked, I’d be really annoyed. If he’s going to insist on continuing to buy his fizzy drinks etc then you need to agree a high cupboard he can keep them in and that he can eat them all he likes once the kids are in bed but not before.

Your husband is a huge problem and I would lost respect very quickly for a man that tries to sabotage your efforts to give your children good nutrition. It says so much about his character.

You’re not wrong at all to want to do a family reset WRT diet. Luckily, some changes will be very easy for you to make. Ditch the chocolate cereal, biscuits, crisps, and squash. That alone will improve your children’s diet.

I don’t think you need to go down a strict route of never having convenience food or sweet things. But they can be occasional rather than a regular thing.

Fruit and veg are also easy to add to your daily meals. Most children like bananas, apples, etc. A lot of kids prefer raw vegetables to cooked. It’s a matter of experimenting with what you and the children enjoy.

It may take a bit of time for the children to get used to a different way of eating. But just introduce new things in a casual, upbeat way. Don’t stress about it or make a big production of it.

Your DH sounds like the main obstacle TBH. But he’s very wrong, especially about the children’s teeth. They shouldn’t have cavities at this age (or ever). Dental health is so important for overall health.

I agree with this, I think small sustainable swaps is the way to go. Of course their diet needs to change but I think going down the route of banning food as well creates other problems too. If food as biscuits/crisps are just seen as something that isn't forbidden but something you don't have as much as fruit and veg, it loses it's exciting appeal as much. We have these in our house but for example one biscuit a day, or a packet of crisps at the weekend. It's when they are eaten in multiple times across a day that's when there is a problem.

Carbs aren't bad food, young children need carbs for energy. We buy the mccains naked ovens chips which are literally just potato and oil. Swapping white bread for brown bread, chocolate cereal for weetabix etc. Instead of chocolate cereal you could buy the Bear cocoa alpha bites which is 6 ingredients and whole grain and no salt or sugar to have a weekend.

I think you need to be kind to yourself too. You have three young children which is very demanding too.

As they say here you have a DH problem
He's been off work and not looking for work for nearly a year. What exactly does he do all day?

Does he do any cleaning, childcare, anything?
There's absolutely no excuse for him not to learn how to cook . YouTube has videos on how to do everything step by step

The children at such young ages having tooth decay is a sign of their beige sugary diet
He is completely wrong about their teeth
He is completely wrong about their diet children need good nutrition to grow up strong and healthy

Yes you do need to make changes - you need to set your kids up for a healthy as life as you can manage and at least you recognise this

agree all round - slow and steady

not having DH on board will make it harder for you - but you have to do right by your kids

Well done on noticing and trying to make a change.

I’d say I’m somewhere between you and some of the other posters here. My kids do eat toast and cereal, but we never give them chocolate spreads and cereal would be cornflakes or weetabix. Blueberry pancakes at the weekend. Lunch tends to be a picky plate thing- cucumber/tomatoes for the girl, pepper/carrots for boy with hummus. Muffin or breadstick or pitta. Bit of cheese or a boiled egg. We repeat easy dinners which is bit boring but easy. Pasta with salmon and cream cheese& peas. Baked potatoes and fish fingers. Spaghetti. Chicken curry and rice. Pudding is natural yoghurt with a teaspoon of jam.

Get rid of the fruit juice and biscuits straight away. Can you swop the bread to brown? The chips for
wedges you make yourself? The chocolate cereal to Cheerios? It’s trickier the older they get though so don’t get disheartened even if it takes a while. Would they help you cook/bake? Then they might be more likely to eat it.

Your biggest problem is your husband though. Not working but not helping cook? What does he do all day, I hope your house is pristine and he does all the laundry 🤣.

Your husband is being an idiot.

You’ll have to switch it gradually, but of course that needs improving for the health of all of you.

I mean you're obviously not wrong at all, and you're going to get a lot of posters getting their knickers in a twist about the chocolate cereal etc but I do think there's a balance. You'll get lots of suggestions for really healthy from-scratch menus here but if your kids are very used to the beige diet plus you're busy and stressed plus your husband isn't fully on board and you attempt an ambitious complete overhaul all in one go I think you might end up with hangry kids refusing your lovely home cooked meals, frassled and irritated mum who's spent hours cooking only for it to all end up in the bin and useless lazy bum dad saying I told you so and getting them a takeaway for a quiet life then a complete backslide.

Personally I'd be aiming for one sustainable change a week only - pick one thing to swap or reduce then stick to it until it's embedded as the way things are, then move on to the next thing, rather than everything at once. So yes, perhaps say the chocolate cereals go (or are saved for weekend only) but while that's settling down it's ok if they have toast or regular cereal instead, not as ideal as porridge or eggs but that can come in time. Squash for water most of the time is another good swap. For dinners I'd stick to very easy from scratch things that they'll reliably eat like eggs or pasta - or some freezer food is fine if you can get some veg in alongside. Oven cooked nuggets and chips is still better than McDonald's and is absolutely fine a couple of times a week IMO (MN pearl clutchers avert your eyes)!

Good luck!

You are right. Stop buying chips/crisps/biscuits then they aren't an option. Homemade potato wedges can replace chips. Up the fruit and veg even if they only eat one or two varieties and it's boring (my granddaughter has sweetcorn most of the time!). If your husband is home, give him a list of healthy food and snacks he can make.

Good on you for realising your family's food intake needs change, their current diets are not great at all and you now need to be resolute about changing things. Ignore your DH;s moaning, don’t discuss it with him.

Immediate changes are to stop buying biscuits and crisps. No more squash, if they are thirsty they will drink plain water, they won’t become dehydrated. Chopped fruit for snacks - most children like bananas and strawberries. Wheatabix for breakfast, cornflakes or plain rice-crispies are perfectly fine also.

Also get in the habit of eating meals at the kitchen table, same with snacks - no eating while looking at tv as that is mindless eating. For dinners, try making things like bolognese, Shepard’s pie, etc - use a packet mix if you have to but they are easy to make from scratch. Pasta bakes are handy to make too. Or roast a chicken. Swap the chips for rice or mashed potato. Or reduce the portion of chip size. Drop the ketchup as it’s full of sugar. Use frozen veg if you are under time pressure - peas and carrots maybe.

It will have to be baby steps but things like biscuits and crisps and can be got rid of immediately - stop buying them and after a week or so, you’re children will get over not having them on tap.

As much as you can, get them out for exercise each day, a 20 minute walk down the road or run around the park or chase around the garden (if you have a garden).

Your husband's attitudes, whoa. He's wrong both about the food and the big role of baby teeth. Baby teeth shape speech, the whole mouth, the jaw, and guide the adult teeth. Their oral hygiene is really important and you're going to have to work on the brushing.

What they eat affects everything from how they learn to how their genes express. You've recognized their diet is awful but your husband doesn't take your valid concerns seriously and he's undermining you already. It sounds like your kids aren't getting much protein either.

I'd introduce some veggies and beans into the stews. Puree some veggies and add in. If you make chili, add beans. Have cutup veggies and dip or cut apple slices for snacking. I'd stop buying juice immediately. Drink water or milk, since they're low on protein. The veggies for starters ^ is a good idea. Maybe eggs for breakfast and some hard boiled eggs for snacking to up some protein.

Your husband sounds lazy and fixed in his attitudes and isn't willing to step out of his comfort zone to see his kids better off. Sorry.

I had a very fussy 4 year old so we started a star chart; if he tried everything on his plate that he didn't like at supper time (even if just a tsp of mince, a slice of carrot etc) he was allowed to fill up on bread and peanut butter/banana and he got a star. After a week of stars he was allowed to choose a bun from the bakers on the way home from school. He gradually started to eat more things and the star chart was abandoned.

You are absolutely in the right. Stick with it. I am appalled by your partner's attitude to his children's health. The Facebook group mealtime hostage was a really helpful guide to me at these ages. Have a read of their philosophy. They will be resistant to eating fruit and veg at first if they aren't used to it. Keep offering and once there are ones they like serve them with ones they don't. I hide veg in pasta sauce making sure there are carrots and peppers in there to make it fairly sweet. I also put our veg sticks on the table before a meal so they can snack on them. Swap processed sugary fatty snacks for whole foods including fruit and veg. I serve three veg with dinner. Fruit is a major snack source and it will be easier to get them used to eating it. My DH keeps buying processed stuff for them but I try to keep it to a minimum. And I only allow chocolate cereal as an occasional treat on holiday where they can buy those variety packs. For the day to day it's an absolute no.

You're right, the children's diets are not good, but you know that. You are going to be fighting a losing battle having a lazy oaf of a husband who would sit around and let you cook all the time, then have the gall to try and impede you in trying to get your family healthy. He'd not worked for ages if he got laid off early in the year, the least he could do if he isn't going to cook is to shut up and put up with healthier food. Or if he must have his nuggets he can eat them illicitly in the bedroom?

Oral hygiene starts young, and their adult teeth won't magically stay clean if good habits start now. Earlier the better. I know it's hard to brush toddlers teeth and I know they'd eat sweets if they could all day, and I know the mental and physical load of being the one in charge of all cooking and food shopping, I have a 3 yr old and I know how fussy they can be etc, but it's so important. I don't see how you can manage to change things if your husband isn't supportive or at the very least eats his healthier food quietly without grumbling.

To make it easier on yourself as others have said you could do batch cooking and adopt a like it or leave it attitude, rather than giving the kids white toast if they don't like something. Definitely just no more sugary cereal, doesn't need to be in the house. They like yoghurt so what about making a fruit coulis to top some off for breakfast in the morning? I have to speak healthy food into my sons meals and do it by using lentils in tomato pasta sauces eg, or mac and cheese always has a hidden veg element, I make stewed apple with some sweet cinnamon and add a bit of home made crumble, or a really veg rich pasta sauce with courgettes, onions, peppers etc blended in and he eats it no trouble.

I’m quite shocked by the attitude of your husband. It is a big deal and especially the cavities.

I do a meal plan for the week - I plan 7 meals and pick which one I have time for/fancy on the day rather than a fixed meal on a fixed day. For breakfast they can choose yogurt, fruit, cereal (weetabix or readybrek) or toast or a combination. I often make waffles on the weekend so it’s hardly draconian but I never buy chocolate cereal.

I am surprised the school offers chips for lunch unless it’s only on a Friday? Mine will have school lunch sometime but mainly prefer packed lunch. I send them with a wrap/sausage roll/sandwhich, a fruit, a veg and come crisps. So again not angelic but I know they have eaten some fruit and the older one always eats the carrots/cucumber.

I have a big list of meals on my phone and pick 7 to make life easier. We do have oven fish and chips as well but only have something like that once a week. I cook from scratch on most other nights, lasagne, pasta, risotto, chilli etc. I’m not out here making the pasta myself but they were getting real food and I always serve with two portions of veg. They don’t eat it all the time but they do eat some and as they get older they are eating more veg. I make a dessert once a week usually on a Saturday although in the summer I did make a lot of ice cream as I love it.

Agree with this but wanted to add that beans are an excellent option for protein and fibre too and are very filling. Black bean chilli, chickpea curry, beans on toast with an egg. Etc.

Well done for recognising that your children (and yourselves!) aren't eating a healthy diet. You can absolutely make changes but they are used to eating convenience foods so you will get some pushback - stay calm and be consistent and they will gradually get used to the new foods.

Firstly, I'd stop buying the sugary cereal and crisps and biscuits - if it's not in the house, they can't have it! Don't ask them what they want, just present it with the expectation that they will eat it - cut up fruit, oatcakes, rice cakes for snacks, eggs and wholemeal toast or porridge for breakfast (you can add toppings of strawberries, blueberries and a few dark chocolate chips) or grated apple or mashed banana. Don't buy children's yogurts, they're full of sugar and crap and have very little fruit - instead buy full fat Greek yoghurt and add a little drizzle of honey or maple syrup and fruit. This will keep them fuller for longer!

Family meals can be cooked from scratch in very little time - traybakes of chicken/salmon with veggies and some seasoning (garlic/paprika/dried herbs) cottage pie, spaghetti bolognese, mild chilli and rice etc. Get yourself a good easy cookbook like Jamie Olivers and try some quick recipes. You can also make double and freeze half so you have some meals in the freezer.

You can make your own chicken nuggets and fishfingers using up wholemeal breadcrumbs and can make your own potato wedges or sweet potato wedges in the oven.

Good luck and keep at it. It's so important to instil good eating habits while they're little.