To want to completely change what my DC eat even when DH thinks I’m making a fuss?

2 slices white toast with butter - sugar, fat
chocolate cereal - sugar
small glass of apple juice - sugar
chicken nuggets - fatty coating
chips and beans - fried
chocolate mousse - sugar
crisps - fatty
2 chocolate biscuits - sugar
squash - sugar
loads of chips with ketchup - fatty, sugar
yoghurt
2 biscuits - sugar.

OP all your kid had today was fatty and sugary. No wonder he has cavities.

Stop with the white bread, sugary cereal, crisps and biscuits. Your child had four chocolate biscuits and crisps for snacks in one day!

You need to stop blaming exhaustion, business etc. carrots and hummus are a healthy snack and take no time to put out.

Your very young children should not be having fizzy drinks.

Where is the nutrition?

Oldie here: Make a large pan of ratatouille (sort of): Aubergine cut up smallish salted and left in a strainer; cut up a couple of courgettes similar size to aubergine; slice up some peppers. Peel and squash a clove of garlic and put in a pan with some cheap olive oil and an onion (or 2) peeled and cut small. Fry onion and garlic lightly, wash aubergine (squeeze a little to dry) and put in pan with onion, then add other veg and some tinned chopped tomatoes. Add mixed dried herbs to taste, pepper, maybe some celery or other veg not leafy. Cook for about 30 mins. You can chill in pan and leave in fridge (use within 5 days) or freeze in meal size packs. Use as you want. Add chickpeas/red beans or add mince for a bolognaise with pasta. Or with chicken nuggets etc!

I am sorry your DH is undermining you so badly and fighting you on this.

Is he like this over lots of things? Does he just not understand food and nutrition , or does he feel unable to cook himself (lacks skills) so criticises those who do?

Who does the main shopping?

I think all you can do is just get on with doing things your new way and don’t really announce it. Avoid having the freezer full of nuggets and chips as much as you can, batch cook things like bolognese sauce and freeze in individual portions for instant use.

If they will eat porridge have that. (Actual porridge, not the sweetened flavoured instant kind) with some frozen blueberries (buried treasure!) and don’t keep chocolate cereal in the house.

Get him out of the house - off to the park with baby in pram and the toddler, so you can cook - and maybe at weekends cook with your 5 year old? 5 year olds love things like mashing potato and whisking eggs for scrambled eggs or omelette.

It must be hard, with your DH off work, and I am surprised he thinks takeaways are a good use of limited money.

Basically he is bringing a knob but it’s hard to address that. Just offer fresh healthy food as if it is as normal as nuggets.

Flipping heck of course you are not overreacting. You are quite right to notice things need shaking up. Your children’s health is suffering already and you must turn it round.
Neither of you are working right now so this needs to be a team effort. Throw out the crap and don’t buy anymore.

No but banning them completely when her dh is buying /eating them is setting this up to fail. Much easier to get her dh to agree chocolate and crisps don’t come out before dinner, are a “dessert” and only if a child has eaten their dinner.

Treat food has a place, but it’s as a post healthy meal dessert, not instead of a healthy meal.

You're doing the right thing, OP and I don't think a poor diet on its own is neglectful, though it's obviously not the best. I see why your DH is coming in for a lot of criticism beyond his opinion on food, but I'm guessing that's not really too helpful for you either.

It's hard to deal with differing views on diet. Hard even when you're just a couple. Very hard when children are involved. What sorts of things convince him? What is he scared of as he gets older? Would the new evidence on dementia have an impact? Would the diet of stars he admires influence him? Would he be amenable to just going along with it because even if he thinks it's you making a fuss, he loves you enough to give you this? (tbh it's a bit worrying if that last one won't work, but probably a longer term issue given the ages of your kids). I would try and find what will convince him to at least go along with keeping the junk away from the kids during, maybe with a "free" day on Sunday or something.

But even if he thinks you're making a fuss, you're the one who's cooking, so you can do it anyway, and do your best to put junk away and out of their reach most of the time.

Changing to healthy eating can be a bit expensive if they keep refusing the healthy stuff, but if you can afford it, try and keep fruit and other health and fresh food available.

I think you do need a bit of a focus on breakfast because it's what sets them up for the rest of the day. If they're running on empty from the start, they're going to crave carbs all the way through the day. Probably important for you too. Easy breakfasts are crucial though. And sometimes something you can eat on the go.

Egg bites (that you can batch make and freeze, then pop in the microwave) and smoothies have been quick hits in our household. Yoghurt is easy and better than plain toast. Cheese toastie (sprouted grain bread, proper cheese) would also be a relatively quick upgrade to the toast approach. Porridge only takes a few minutes more to make than a bowl of chocolate cereal (one of mine just wouldn't eat it unless it was covered in sugar though!). A pot of cheese cubes or cooked chicken and grapes often came with us on the walk to school. When you have more time, whole wheat flour savoury pancakes can be a treat that isn't sugary.

Good luck with it, OP. A good diet is a real gift to kids. We're learning more and more every day just how much convenience foods and poor diets screw us over long term.

I don't think the OP wants to encourage overeating to get crisps and chocolate - she's already concerned about the children's weight.

OP you need to get your dh on side that until he finds a new job, you need to stop the regular takeaways to save money.

Buy hummus and have carrot sticks and cucumber ready to go in your fridge, that’s the only alternative your dcs get to their dinner. If they turn their noses up, they aren’t actually hungry, it’s ok for them to miss a meal now and then to learn you mean it about eating real food.

Chocolate and crisps are for people who have eaten their whole dinner and are still hungry.

I agree with the veg sticks or grapes being given before dinner when dcs are hungry.

I can totally understand your frustration as your battle is not just with the children!

Would menu planning help?

I’m not suggesting this for now with such a young baby but once they’re sleeping regularly 7-11pm I would do some batch cooking/baking/prep.

Things like shepherds pie or bolognaise where you can hide vegetables by blitzing them to in with the tomatoes.
Prepping homemade fish fingers/chicken nuggets to go in the freezer.
Baking cakes (I put slices in cling film in the freezer for packed lunches but it could be for after school snacks) or biscuits (same for freezing).

It’s a lot of effort up front but it does make other scenarios much easier.

If mine say they are hungry and I don't think they need any more food I say they can have fruit. This would work for breakfast time.

And op, I’m sure most of us would say their children’s diets could be better. We do well with mealtimes but it’s snacks after tea we need to be stricter with and I love the other posters who say their habit is fruit after tea. Great idea!

Oh, and serving a plate of cucumber, carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes etc to keep them going while I get tea done!

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have found a few good swaps and ideas that have worked for my family in reducing UPFs

I stopped buying soft white bread. I buy sourdough now, just the Hovis stuff. Pitta bread instead of wraps.

I stopped buying flavoured kids yoghurts. No petit filous or frubes. I just get a big tub of greek yoghurt.

Frozen fruit if you find fresh fruit goes bad before it's eaten. Great for going in greek yog.

Don't buy kids cereals. I get weetabix, rice crispies and porridge oats.

I don't do snacks, they have 4 meal times. When my kids were your kids age they had their evening meal early, like 4pm, and then a snack before bed like toast, yoghurt, banana.
This might work for you if you don't want them watching dad eat a shit meal.
Now they are older they have the snack at 3/4pm and we eat dinner together at 7.

I don't buy squash or fizzy drinks, or crisps.
I do buy mini breadsticks and plain rice cakes and oat cakes. I promise no child has ever gorged themselves on oat cakes 😂

Ex Nanny here, I worked with a family who had an awful diet, despite the means to eat very well. I also prepared the evening meal three times a week.

I still have the ‘Handover Book’ I used each week and here are some examples of meals/snacks I did.

Snacks included - toasted English muffins spread with peanut butter and topped with sliced banana. Fruit kebabs (they also really loved any fruit that they could eat with cocktail sticks (under supervision of course!). Keep in mind they don’t have to eat the fruit and veg at set times of the day - children will often be more open to new foods at breakfast rather than after a long day at school etc. plus, sometimes I’d just put down a plate of chopped apple, pears and grapes before dinner as a ‘starter’ as they were having tv time as I prepped dinner.

Other snacks - cheese and pineapple with crackers (melba toasts worked well).
Digestive biscuits with cream cheese and cucumber

Meals - Turkey meatballs in a hidden veg sauce with spaghetti (or other shaped pasta)
chicken drumsticks with sweet potato fries and salad
Hedgehog Pie - essentially root mash with nice quality sausages stuck in
They also loved anything they could self assemble - especially involving a wrap or pitta - grilled salmon with finely sliced veggies always went down well.
They also loved homemade macaroni cheese with bits of ham in.

I’d suggest little steps with this journey of yours, make one change every day so everyone gets used to it over time rather than all at once.

OP, you are absolutely 100% right and justified to change the diet of your children and your DH is an irresponsible idiot. What your kids ate yesterday is really bad, I'm sorry, but it is - beige processed crap with hardly any veg at all. By changing their diet now you could save them a life time of obesity, cancer and other health problems. Processed shit food increases your risk of bowel cancer - my husband died of bowel cancer this year aged 46, so I have seen it with my own eyes. DD and I have completely stopped eating anything made from pig - no ham, no sausages, no bacon, all are known to be carcinogenic.

Your husband is a fool. Too lazy and ignorant to do what's best for his own kids. He should be ashamed of himself.

A good approach could be something called habit stacking, which is the idea of making small habit changes that are permanent then adding another one on top.
eg same breakfasts but water not juice, high protein white bread toast or brown bread first.
pinch of nom cookbooks are a good start as their fakeaways taste better and are healthy
eg make a healthy pasta sauce and blend it so the kids don’t notice the veg, freeze a load and eat that with the normal food, have sliced frozen cooked chicken instead of nuggets etc

longer term this could work well

you could try raw veg sticks, and prepping something like sliced watermelon or mango, my kids eat that if it’s instantly in the fridge

dont cut out crisps straight away, start with buying lower calorie eg quavers or lentil crisps.

good luck and well done

id also recommend SlimmingWorld groups and products for support and ideas

And don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. There’s a middle ground between crap and serving home-baked muffins every day, and most of us fall somewhere in that middle segment I imagine. Sometimes dinner is just baked beans on toast, there’s nothing wrong with fishfingers (if you actually read the ingredients, most of them are pretty minimally processed) on occasion, sometimes a bowl of cereal for dinner is called for. But healthier swaps with a similar feel are often quite easy to find. I wouldn’t go scorched earth but start making healthier swaps gradually, so no more chocolate cereal but perhaps some weetabix with some chopped fruit to start.

The problem is that if you don’t have a supportive partner who understands the issue, he’s likely to sabotage it. That’s more of a relationship issue. But his own diet can be what he likes, he just needs to model a balanced diet when he is in front of the kids.

May I introduce the humble picky plate (sorry to all on MN who hate that term). At least once a week my kids have this for dinner. It’s really quick and easy. Some form of protein, this is usually chicken and cubed cheese in our house, chopped up veg, some chopped fruit, something like breadsticks or crackers/oatcakes with soft cheese. All served on a couple of big plates that they then help themselves to. The choice is important. At first they may only take one or two things but over time you might see them tentatively taking something else and sniffing it or it sitting on their plate etc.

Also, on a Sunday, chop up a bunch of veg and some watermelon etc and put them in the fridge in Tupperware. Those are our ‘free range’ snacks along with apples, pears etc. DC don’t have to ask, they can help themselves.

Your DH needs to stop with the fizzy drinks & bad crisps and biscuits - he could just buy some rich tea first example.

The fizzy drinks are not only an abomination, but also literally like throwing your money down the toilet. Maybe just get a bag of value tortilla chips and also value fizzy water to go with some decent squash - M&S has an orange one with no sweeteners in.

If he is not working how / what is he spending all this money on crap and takeaways for? He needs to step up and help you - if need be he can take over all the cleaning and admin while you do the cooking.

Make low sugar muffins or savoury versions and freeze. You can tell the kids they're having 'cake' for breakfast when when the muffins only have banana in & maybe a few choc chips on top. I find that defrosted frozen bananas are so incredibly sweet that they make brilliant flapjacks, muffins or pancakes that can all be frozen - perfect for breakfasts and snacks.

Tell your DH his future self will thank him for his decent pension and good health in retirement, rather than wasting all that money on crap.

* I’m just feeling a bit defensive about being told I’m neglecting them when I am actually trying to change things.*

my apologies if I wasn’t clear. My feelings are that the neglect belongs entirely to your husband. I think he’s an absolutely disgraceful parent, who for some reason has you under his thumb.

great that you are trying to help your kids have a decent chance at life. I’m afraid my thoughts are that you need to get them away from this man to be able to give them that.

I wonder if your DH is pushing back because he is afraid you’ll all become healthier and he will be ‘left behind’. But ignore him - and personally I would go as far as telling a white lie, that the school or health visitor said that a healthier diet was needed.

A few rules for the DC that I had:
Only offer water to drink (or milk at breakfast). Only have juice/squash/etc for parties, no more than twice a month. Same for chocolate/sweets/crisps/chips - it should be an exceptional treat.

Stop with the ready meals, children don’t need elaborate meals, so it can be really quick to prepare: prawns and edamame beans, chicken breast and green beans, fish fillets (not fish fingers) and peas, omelette with any leftover veg / ham / cheese, pasta with a tin of tomatoes and grated cheese.

Personally I never give alternatives, not even toast. A tidy dot of ketchup or mayo can do the trick if they refuse a dish.

Involve the DC when you shop and cook, they will be more likely to want to eat if they helped prepare it.

I wish you luck!

OP, that is some lazy selfish loser you are with.
Has never prepared a proper mean for his own children?
And he's not working?

Bloody hell.
You have your hands full.

Cavities at such a young age is very sad.
Laying down fat cells too so young, is not good.

You are 100% right to be addressing this now.

He's a very poor parent not wanting to be a part of improving their health.

Brekkie is tricky when everyone is in a rush. And loads of kids are not ‘morning people’.

My kids loved cheese and I had good success with a couple of Scottish oatcakes ( made by Nairns) with butter and a slab of cheese on top for breakfast. Very filling for child who wouldn’t eat porridge. Could also be eaten en route. The others liked banana with their toast or oatcakes.

When a little older I did them overnight oats in wee glass jars - bought organic porridge oats and added spoonful of seeds, dried sultanas, nuts and milk to top. In fridge overnight. For ‘no milk’ child I used water diluted apple juice. In morning I added fresh fruit and honey or spoonful of yoghurt on top.

It is a rush in the morning tbh, getting 2 children dressed and ds1 out for school on time with a newborn as well, so toast and cereal is just easier and it’s what he wants. I’m not sitting there thinking chocolate cereal is a nutritious breakfast, I just know he’ll eat it without an argument and we’re already running late half the time.

but there’s two adults at home?!? Why would you need to take the newborn on the school run?