Why do so many mums ditch their childfree friends?

Exactly.

It's a reason why my childfree friends are so valuable. The assumption just because I'm a mum (especially from other mums) can often be that I want to do nothing but talk about my kids and as wonderful as they are, sometimes I want to talk about anything but them. I want to be 'me' for even just a few hours, not 'mum'.

You might not have intended this but this is how a lot of women come across when they have kids : my life is now meaningful and yours no longer is.

Actually plenty childless and childfree people have meaningful conversations and their lives are completely devoid of interest because they don’t have kids.

Friends are overrated. There are very few people with true friends these days I reckon. Many put a lot of effort into maintaining friendships but it can disappear overnight as I'm sure many can attest, myself included.

I have no kids, I have people I know with kids that were once good "friends". I am holding my hand up to say that it was MY decision to let things drift as quite frankly I meet friends for a chat, a laugh, to gossip, the usual, but I found the talk from the mums was incessantly about the kids and I had enough. My choice and I think things would have drifted anyway. Lives go in different directions and people have different priorities as kids arrive.

That's my reality anyway. And it's just life isn't it?

Wow speak for yourself - I have kids and I can still muster up some interest in things other than them!! We're not all just "obsessed" with our kids and frankly I find that weird when people are tbh

It is true for that poster. I didn't say it is for you.
But even so, not everyone works a 9-5. If I waited for DH to run through the door, I wouldn't be out until 9pm and I'd need to be up again at 6. Everyone's circumstances are the same.

Well, I may not be a parent but I have lots of friends with children and (unsurprisingly) I was a child once myself and all these activities and 9am sports matches weren't the norm for me or my friends, and aren't really the norm amongst my friends children either.

Yes, some take their kids to football or whatever every week, but they're very much in the minority where we live. Maybe it's because I live in an area without much disposable income or amenities, but most kids here spend their weekends at the beach, at the park, riding bikes or out on dog walks up the woods.

I've also never been ditched by my friends with kids, so my "attitude" clearly isn't an issue for anyone I know.

Not true - it’s just me and my husband living in a different country to our families so not got support except tag teaming as a couple

my evenings out don’t cost much - a swim with a friend or the gym, dropping round to hers, sitting in the park with a bottle of wine in the summer, watching a film (cinema or round at theirs)

my job I work 8.30-4.30 and have to do nursery pick up etc so home 5.30ish most days - rushing about then I run out the door once husband gets in with bigger school child 🤷‍♀️

I just make it that I really value my free time so I make sure I can have some

i do some evenings solo and husband does some solo so we each get some time to ourselves

During the week, I simply have a DH who is capable of putting his own DC to bed leaving me free to go out if I want to.

The former is normal parenting, the latter is a choice.

No offence, but you said you are child free, so who are you to say what normal parenting is?

It’s like someone who has never worked before, making judgments on what is normal in the workplace.

Taking your child to their preferred sport every week is normal parenting. It’s completely normal to choose to prioritise your child’s wellbeing and happiness by consistently showing up for them at 9am every Saturday (or whatever their schedule is) so that they can play football with their team.

Attitudes like yours are exactly why some mums ditch their child free friends.

You sound absolutely insufferable.

Seconding this - completely depends on the kind of baby you get and the jobs you and your partner have, if you have a partner. My DH is very supportive but works all the time, evenings and weekends even though he does loads round the house. He doesn't get to go out even once a week and neither do I, though we make sure we can each do the odd evening. DS still doesn't sleep through the night at 19mo, still having one breastfeed a night almost totally weaned.

Meanwhile one of the friends I mentioned who's almost disappeared has had a baby but v different experience, left baby with her MIL all the time, went on nights out, on a hen do abroad... It's just not been possible for me at all. But I don't think everyone gets the nuances of how babies and experiences are different until they've had their own.

Another example, my best mate kept being really judgemental about things like me not using reusable nappies because she's anti plastic, me planning around DS's naps because I was desperate for him to hopefully sleep more at night. She had no idea until I told her how expensive new reusable nappies are, that Terry cloth nappies require a plastic cover and fastener, all the cons that I found when I researched them re our specific situation eg no tumble dryer, trying to do less laundry on lower temps with more eco friendly detergent. Sometimes well-meaning people think they have more of the picture than they really do.

I agree that childless people can be just as busy, but it’s rare that they’re as busy with things that they actually have to do.

They’re busy with jobs, hobbies, social life and interests, but if they’re ever feeling tired or not in the mood they can just skip it.

I’m sure there are childless people who are as tired and busy, for example if they are caring for family members who need a lot of help, but that’s an unusual situation.

Mums don’t have a monopoly on tiredness but in general it’s a much bigger issue for parents than for non-parents, I think that’s just factual and no reason to be annoyed by it tbh!

Little kids yes. But when they are older there are a lot of sports and other activities that take up a lot of time driving them around. I still go out, but one night a week, not 3.

Sorry that's been your experience, with how many friends who now have kids?

It's not been my experience since having my DS but what I've found harder is that I moved cities. Some close friends have taken turns to come up and visit, but us going down is harder with a toddler, I've got a licence now but still not driven on the motorway (need to sort it) and just the volume of people who we want to keep up with. When I first moved up here, we were actually renting a car every weekend and travelling down to visit at least one or more set of friends, trying to keep up with everyone.

Most of my friends are amazing and just understand there's a limit to how frequently either one of us can travel. I completely get they've got busy jobs and social lives and their other friends and family to see as well. Only a couple of friends I have noticed just stopped asking me questions about myself entirely - they're more than happy to post in a group chat or answer questions I asked them about their lives but completely ignored anything I said about myself, photos of my DS, or have ignored messages I've sent them individually. So I've thought sod this then, I've not got the time to invest in chasing them and they actually have no idea of some major life events on my end.

Also - are they seeing mum friends out of convenience? I have at least one mum friend from a baby group who to be totally honest I don't think we'd be good friends if we didn't have kids, lovely person but just not that much to say. But she's the most available on a weekday and we take the kids to a toddler group together. Sometimes you do need mum friends to just bounce off/get advice/hear from someone who actually gets it. It's not the same as you kowtowing to parents just because you don't have kids.

You do come across very bitter towards parents in your post, could this friend be picking up on that? Or if you seemed grumpy about going to a soft play maybe she's thought she should wait until she's got someone to watch the kids before she asks you to hang out again?

You have flexible jobs, lots of money and masses of support. Not everyone has those luxuries.

I havent ditched any accomodating childfree friends, Im still good friends with lots of them. Its the ones who expect me to continue along as if I dont have children that I struggle to work with.

This is me too.

I haven't lost any of my childfree friends since having DC. I actually find them more valuable than ever.

Not at all - my parents both worked 40-50 hours a week in the 90's and I never once got home from school before 5pm (was in after school club).

I had all mine in my 20's and certainly don't have energy to be out 3 evenings a week on top of work, parenting and household stuff.

Not everyone is the same. I have a job with a long commute - I can't go out during the week any more and get up at 5am. That's being middle aged, children are irrelevant!

I think you're forgetting that many parents work now, so there is less time during the week for activities and family time - this pushes everything into the weekends.

Life has changed a lot, in general, since the 90s.

All of this.

I also note that, for all of OP’s protestations that she is indeed very busy, I cannot imagine any of my child-free friends having the time or interest to sit and stew over whether I was more interested in my mum friends than them. They are lovely, caring, busy people with exciting and full lives - I cannot imagine have noticed how often I spend time with my mum friends, let alone be bothered about it!

Same! My childfree friends are interesting and have better things to do than rank who spends more time with who.

I had energy for it. But I was younger. I think if id started breeding in my late 30s/40s I might not have

Sounds like hell lol

I made the mistake of going to one of those places once Never went again