Why do so many mums ditch their childfree friends?

Yes, it is a choice.

Technically kids just need food, water and a shelter. Being a parent is providing more than basic needs 😂

No parent needs to spend every weekend stood by a football pitch in the pissing rain for years on end. It's a choice.
refusing to take your kids to sport because you are lazy is not great parenting let's be honest, they like football, you encourage football. Sport is essential in life.and you buy a dry robe and make friends with other parents

*this stream of constant activities for kids is very new - it absolutely isn't "just being a parent"
It really isn't. My parents were doing exactly the same. Sport competitions and tournaments are not a new thing, we had them at the weekend and training during the week. Kids have always done sport/ music/ foreign language/ art/ drama, it's not a modern fad

I don't know why people act like it's a recent thing for kids to have interests

Especially when those friends are accommodating, take an interest in your child/children and willing to work around you?
Why do you now only associate with other Mums and think that they 'just won't get it?'

Why do you let them disappear from your life since you became a mother? Whilst I understand it's hard, it's not impossible.
There are far too many martyrs around who believe they're the only person to have ever given birth, everything must now revolve around them and that nobody else can ever be tired or busy, except for them.

Be careful, you'll get told children have to go to all these activities and that any parent who doesn't do all this ferrying about is cruel and not being a good parent 😏

Good for you, I can't get by on 5 hrs sleep any more several nights a week on weekdays! Doesn't mean I'm in bed by 9pm 🙄

I'm 55 . I can go out in the week and still get up. I'm hardly got my cup of Cocoa and slippers on at 9 pm

That's a choice. Why do they get to go out 6 nights and you only one?

Little kids yes. But when they are older there are a lot of sports and other activities that take up a lot of time driving them around. I still go out, but one night a week, not 3.

Not everyone is the same. I have a job with a long commute - I can't go out during the week any more and get up at 5am. That's being middle aged, children are irrelevant!

There are plenty of positive things said about mothers and motherhood too. About being childfree, as part of general public discourse, not so much. Our lives are, as many posters have pointed out, generally seen as inconsequential and trivial.

I think this is a really good example of why parents often socialise with other parents only. If the host in this scenario were a parent of children of similar age, they would be far less likely to be bothered about any of this and would probably appreciate the fact that it's not just them!

Running a family is hard work. Most parents work full-time. Some have health issues. Some children are SEN and gave extra needs.

It also does happens that childless people neglect their friends because they are busy with work, travel, and hobbies.

There are plenty of positive things said about mothers and motherhood too. About being childfree, as part of general public discourse, not so much. Our lives are, as many posters have pointed out, generally seen as inconsequential and trivial.

you know you are unreasonable, and it's understandable when you struggle with infertility. You are putting everyone in the same bag, and seeing a personal attack everywhere.

The comment about heaven/hell and the afterlife come on. I have kids, but I would still have laughed or rolled my eyes and never see that nutcase again 😂

Some comments were insensitive by people trying to be supportive. Badly expressed, but not a personal attack.

My in laws always expect my husband and I to stay at family gatherings to clean up. just say no?

There was a thread yesterday about how parents should have priority EVERY YEAR for Christmas holidays at work. Non parents should just accept they need to work every Christmas.
You are unfair, Most of the posters, and most of them parents, could not have been more clear that it was ridiculously stupid and unfair to say that!

Online there’s been various versions of
online there's various versions of anything. Stop taking personally the ones you decide to be offended against.
There are also non stop negative comments about mothers, parents and women deciding to have kids. Why are you ignoring those?

You are free to be angry and resentful against the world, but it's a shame.

Yes I drop friends how instantly because of DECADES of things that have been said to me by either pregnant women or those with children. Both online and in person. I don’t want to be a better friend anymore. I’ve done that. I would have liked others to be a better friend to me in return over the years. And guess what? It never happened. But they have kids right so that’s FINE! They are exempt from being nice and we must be understanding at all times to those with children. I however should just accept any and every awful thing said to be over the years because I just DON’T UNDERSTAND!

I think the first thing a woman with a child said that I was a bit 🤨 about was when I was about 18. She was early 20s and had just had her first child. The conversation was about heaven/hell and the afterlife. There was about 8 of us at someone’s house. She said she was glad she had her child early as at least that meant she was now guaranteed to go to heaven as she’d “turned her life around” and god would understand and forgive her past behaviour now she was a mother. The rest of us though….. apparently the other way to be guaranteed to go to heaven was to have a child like her. We were all just selfish for wanting to enjoy our youth apparently.

Over the years it’s been a variation of the eye rolling if I’ve ever mentioned being tired or busy. God forbid I once just mentioned that I was irritated because I was woken up by fireworks at 2am and then again by builders next door at 6am. The reply I got was “seriously. You’re seriously going to complain about that when I’ve got 2 kids?”

At a dinner party once when a friend of a friend turned up last and the only seat left was next to me she said “can I swap with someone? I don’t really want to sit next to someone who doesn’t understand motherhood.”

Online there’s been various versions of “you don’t/will never know what true love is. You’re selfish as you’ve never had to put anyone else first. All parents are default non selfish just by having children apparently. Aren’t you worried about being lonely in old age? Who will look after you? I hope you’re not expecting your nieces to look after you. That would be so selfish.”

People on here think non parents should pay extra tax. Because of all the non selfish parents having kids to look after them. There was a thread yesterday about how parents should have priority EVERY YEAR for Christmas holidays at work. Non parents should just accept they need to work every Christmas. In fact I’ve been asked in real life why I would care about being off for Christmas as I don’t have a “real family” anyway. Need to tell my husband, siblings, parents, nieces and nephews that they don’t count as real family.

My in laws always expect my husband and I to stay at family gatherings to clean up. None of the other siblings have to because “they have kids so they are tired/need to get home/do enough cleaning up already.”

A friend once said to be “how would you have a kid anyway? You and your husband are always staying up late and sleeping in at weekends and going out to various non child friendly things. A kid wouldn’t exactly fit in with your lifestyle would it??” Well…. The reason we do those things is because, we can. Should I start setting an alarm at 5am for no reason at weekends? Going and sitting at soft play? Is that what parents did before they became parents? Or did they adjust their life accordingly when it happened?

As it happens, I’ve been trying to have a child for a decade. I’ve spent thousands and thousands on IVF. I’ve had multiple miscarriages. Yet the comments keep coming. Even from people that know. “Well everything happens for a reason. You obviously just weren’t meant to be a mother for some reason.” Cool. I’ll say that to someone with a disabled child should I? Well there’s obviously a reason your child is disabled. For whatever reason you obviously weren’t meant to have a fully abled child. I get told how “lucky” I am to have so much disposable income. Yup. That 50k credit card bill for IVF leaves me with SO MUCH spare money I just don’t know what to do with it all! I’m so lucky not to have the worry of kids. I should be thankful for my infertility! Having kids “isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! Haha” said by someone pregnant with their 4th.

So yeah maybe I am psychotic. I don’t really care at this point. The amount of things I’ve had said to me over the years i would rather just take the risk and drop friends instantly rather than have to keep smiling through the insensitive and sometimes terrible things they may say.

You might not have intended this but this is how a lot of women come across when they have kids : my life is now meaningful and yours no longer is.

Actually plenty childless and childfree people have meaningful conversations and their lives are completely devoid of interest because they don’t have kids.

Yes I drop friends how instantly because of DECADES of things that have been said to me by either pregnant women or those with children. Both online and in person. I don’t want to be a better friend anymore. I’ve done that. I would have liked others to be a better friend to me in return over the years. And guess what? It never happened. But they have kids right so that’s FINE! They are exempt from being nice and we must be understanding at all times to those with children. I however should just accept any and every awful thing said to be over the years because I just DON’T UNDERSTAND!

I think the first thing a woman with a child said that I was a bit 🤨 about was when I was about 18. She was early 20s and had just had her first child. The conversation was about heaven/hell and the afterlife. There was about 8 of us at someone’s house. She said she was glad she had her child early as at least that meant she was now guaranteed to go to heaven as she’d “turned her life around” and god would understand and forgive her past behaviour now she was a mother. The rest of us though….. apparently the other way to be guaranteed to go to heaven was to have a child like her. We were all just selfish for wanting to enjoy our youth apparently.

Over the years it’s been a variation of the eye rolling if I’ve ever mentioned being tired or busy. God forbid I once just mentioned that I was irritated because I was woken up by fireworks at 2am and then again by builders next door at 6am. The reply I got was “seriously. You’re seriously going to complain about that when I’ve got 2 kids?”

At a dinner party once when a friend of a friend turned up last and the only seat left was next to me she said “can I swap with someone? I don’t really want to sit next to someone who doesn’t understand motherhood.”

Online there’s been various versions of “you don’t/will never know what true love is. You’re selfish as you’ve never had to put anyone else first. All parents are default non selfish just by having children apparently. Aren’t you worried about being lonely in old age? Who will look after you? I hope you’re not expecting your nieces to look after you. That would be so selfish.”

People on here think non parents should pay extra tax. Because of all the non selfish parents having kids to look after them. There was a thread yesterday about how parents should have priority EVERY YEAR for Christmas holidays at work. Non parents should just accept they need to work every Christmas. In fact I’ve been asked in real life why I would care about being off for Christmas as I don’t have a “real family” anyway. Need to tell my husband, siblings, parents, nieces and nephews that they don’t count as real family.

My in laws always expect my husband and I to stay at family gatherings to clean up. None of the other siblings have to because “they have kids so they are tired/need to get home/do enough cleaning up already.”

A friend once said to be “how would you have a kid anyway? You and your husband are always staying up late and sleeping in at weekends and going out to various non child friendly things. A kid wouldn’t exactly fit in with your lifestyle would it??” Well…. The reason we do those things is because, we can. Should I start setting an alarm at 5am for no reason at weekends? Going and sitting at soft play? Is that what parents did before they became parents? Or did they adjust their life accordingly when it happened?

As it happens, I’ve been trying to have a child for a decade. I’ve spent thousands and thousands on IVF. I’ve had multiple miscarriages. Yet the comments keep coming. Even from people that know. “Well everything happens for a reason. You obviously just weren’t meant to be a mother for some reason.” Cool. I’ll say that to someone with a disabled child should I? Well there’s obviously a reason your child is disabled. For whatever reason you obviously weren’t meant to have a fully abled child. I get told how “lucky” I am to have so much disposable income. Yup. That 50k credit card bill for IVF leaves me with SO MUCH spare money I just don’t know what to do with it all! I’m so lucky not to have the worry of kids. I should be thankful for my infertility! Having kids “isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! Haha” said by someone pregnant with their 4th.

So yeah maybe I am psychotic. I don’t really care at this point. The amount of things I’ve had said to me over the years i would rather just take the risk and drop friends instantly rather than have to keep smiling through the insensitive and sometimes terrible things they may say.