Why do so many mums ditch their childfree friends?

It might be a choice whether or not you have children in the first place (though it is not a choice for everyone.) But if you then realise, "fuck me, this parenting lark is hard going, far worse than I envisaged," you can't take them back to Tesco for a refund.

Are you okay?

No one has said their time is more valuable, or precious, because they have children.

They have said that they have less available time because they have children, which is absolutely true.

You seem so offended by that.

Um, you DO have the “luxury of choice” and you chose to be a parent? Contraception is free in the UK. It was a choice you made, and, like a PP quite rightly said, you didn’t do it for the greater good, you did it because you personally wanted a child. That is the “luxury of choice” isn’t it?

Parents are overwhelmed. It's not the same as being busy.

You sound very arrogant in your opinions. I dont agree that the ONLY actual commitment in life is what you do for your children and that everything else in life doesn't really matter if you let it (or them) down.

My friends are my friends regardless of whether they have children or not. I wouldn’t dream of inviting a child free friend to soft play as I wouldn’t expect they would enjoy it anymore than I do.

I usually see friends in the evenings or when we have our annual weekend away

It's also insufferable for people having to listen to others rambling on about kids constantly. And I'm a parent.

Yes, and I don’t know why anyone is arguing this point!

Having children is always going to require more time and effort than being a single adult. And it’s more restrictive.

People are bizarrely offended, but surely this is a benefit of being Childfree??? You have more time and agency to do things you want to do! You can choose to be busy doing things you enjoy without being weighed down by chidlcare responsibilities!

You don't HAVE to do this stuff.

Some of us have lives that's just not carting alour kids around and hanging about.

I have managed to maintain a handful of good friendships through a number of life events - children, moving away, chronic illness.

They work because everyone clearly thinks the friendship is worth maintaining - my friends with children don’t trivialise my life or problems and I accept that they have less flexibility than I do. The only people I have stayed close to after they had children are ones who actively didn’t want motherhood to dominate their entire existence and enjoy seeing me and talking about themselves.

It sucks when you feel you’re making an effort and they don’t reciprocate because they are in mummy world, but ultimately that’s on them. Not everyone is like that.

I'm sorry but it is. As a person with no children, it's ultimately your choice to do whatever and when. The responsibilities of being a parent mean you don't have that choice. There are things that must be done to keep your children safe (mentally and physically), happy and fed and usually these things have to be done in a timely manner. Not wanting to do them there and then is one thing but the truth is that, as a parent, you don't have the luxury of choice.
The fact that you don't understand that, to the extent that you are denying it, might be why your friends who are parents are not too keen on spending time with you.

You do know parents often have jobs and illnesses too, right?

Most of my childfree friends skipped gaily off into the sunset without a backward glance.

Yes good to have friends. Maybe sometimes they no babysitter that would be harder. I always liked getting out. Can be full on with kids at home

Maybe they don’t want to be friends with you. Sometimes people who haven’t got kids can be super insufferable to talk too. You never will get it, it’s relentless especially the more we have. If you’re that good a friend they will make time for you x

I'd say just different people.

I'm a parent and I quickly get bored if someone does very little but talk about their DC.

Yes, I did actually say that some people are just as busy as mums eg if they are also a carer. But that is unusual.

And yes of course you can take sick leave from work, even if you have bills to pay. Ultimately if you’re too sick to work you can get benefits. But you can’t ever skip parenting, it carries on regardless of how ill you are.

And, frankly, judging by the Relationships board on here, having children with a bloke is absolutely no guarantee that you won’t be crying over his behaviour.

if you are selfish because you can't be bothered to take your kids to activities, at least own it.

It's not a coincidence that parents who do the least for the kids, do the least themselves 😂

But all kids are different. It depends whether and which hobbies are important to them how much you have to do.

Anyone saying that is clearly being very narrow minded and unkind - they would have been the ones “crying over some bloke” at other stages in their life in order to get to the married with children stage.

But I guess it’s always important to have friends in the same boat as you/ same life stage in order for them to properly understand what you’re going through and be able to empathise.

I think something can be a choice and important at the same time.

I think that’s right - and that’s why looking after children or other relatives who need care is in a different league to other kids of work / being “busy”

You simply can’t be ill or tired and make a decision to look after yourself when you’re tired. You always have to keep going and so saving your energy where you can becomes so important.

In answer to the OP, though, I think it’s a “people just drift” thing. Or perhaps they think you won’t be interested in baby related chat!