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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder if my surfing instructor should offer me a lift?

131 replies

Sarnpark · 25/09/2026 23:59

Question for instructors or students:

I’m a relatively new surfing student, doing a one-to-one course with an instructor at a place about 2.5 hours’ drive from where we live. I’ve discovered that my instructor lives literally 5 minutes from my house.

Would it be normal for the instructor to offer me a lift/share the journey, given that we’re going to exactly the same place anyway? I don't mind driving. Or would most instructors avoid this because of professional boundaries?

We’re opposite genders and he is older than me, although I’m not sure whether that makes any difference.

Our kit wont need to be transported as we are hiring everything.

From a student’s perspective, would you see a lift as a completely normal logistical thing, or would you assume the instructor was deliberately maintaining more distance by travelling separately?

AIBU to expect to share a lift (either me or him driving)

Or is driving together for 5 hours too personal in addition to the course itself?

OP posts:
PeloMom · Yesterday 06:11

YABU. What if he wants to do a lesson before or after you? Or isn’t coming directly from home or going directly home? Also it’s nice to wind down in their own and make personal phone calls on the way. 5hrs is way to long anyway to drive with a practical stranger

PollyBell · Yesterday 01:45

I can't think of a reason on the planet why he should

LondonLass2026 · Yesterday 01:36

No, how entitled of you. You don't know what else he's got going on, other than your expectation of him chauffeuring you around.

Amorica · Yesterday 01:34

I wouldn't expect a lift. I might enquire if he'd be interested in splitting the journeys to save petrol and driving. I could see dozens of reasons why it might not be convenient for him though - he may teach someone else after you, or want to stay and surf by himself, visit someone afterwards, love solo drives, etc. Or he might just not enjoy spending and extra five hours each time in close proximity to a relative stranger.

Shelby2010 · Yesterday 00:50

Perhaps he doesn’t go straight home after your lessons. He probably stays later or even overnight to take advantage of the waves.

RVectensian · Yesterday 00:43

They may well be friends as well.

Original poster
Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:39

Whoddathoughtit · Yesterday 00:36

He might well be uncomfortable offering but might be ok with it if you raise it?
maybe say, no probs if you want to make your own way, was just wondering if you wanted to catch a lift to the next lesson as we live so close it seems!

also, it seems weird that both coincidentally live 2.5 hours away from an area where you’d get surfing lessons? Why doesn’t he live near there? 😂

Show quote history

We are intentionally travelling to a location with very good surf in Cornwall. Quite normal when youre into surfing 😅

OP posts:
Whoddathoughtit · Yesterday 00:36

Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:22

I have noticed that the male instructors and male students regularly share lifts. That is why I am asking, is my gender the issue here

Show quote history

He might well be uncomfortable offering but might be ok with it if you raise it?
maybe say, no probs if you want to make your own way, was just wondering if you wanted to catch a lift to the next lesson as we live so close it seems!

also, it seems weird that both coincidentally live 2.5 hours away from an area where you’d get surfing lessons? Why doesn’t he live near there? 😂

Sakura7 · Yesterday 00:33

What a weird thing to expect.

Do you fancy him or something?

sesquipedalian · Yesterday 00:32

OP, it’s inappropriate. It would be unprofessional of your instructor, who needs to keep teacher-student boundaries. Also, if I were his wife or girlfriend, I’d take a very dim view of it. I’m really surprised you’re even suggesting this, OP, and for a two and a half hour drive each way, absolutely not.

bunnypenny · Yesterday 00:27

Sarnpark · 25/09/2026 23:59

Question for instructors or students:

I’m a relatively new surfing student, doing a one-to-one course with an instructor at a place about 2.5 hours’ drive from where we live. I’ve discovered that my instructor lives literally 5 minutes from my house.

Would it be normal for the instructor to offer me a lift/share the journey, given that we’re going to exactly the same place anyway? I don't mind driving. Or would most instructors avoid this because of professional boundaries?

We’re opposite genders and he is older than me, although I’m not sure whether that makes any difference.

Our kit wont need to be transported as we are hiring everything.

From a student’s perspective, would you see a lift as a completely normal logistical thing, or would you assume the instructor was deliberately maintaining more distance by travelling separately?

AIBU to expect to share a lift (either me or him driving)

Or is driving together for 5 hours too personal in addition to the course itself?

No you weirdo. It’s not normal.

karrabee · Yesterday 00:26

Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:22

I have noticed that the male instructors and male students regularly share lifts. That is why I am asking, is my gender the issue here

Show quote history

Maybe the other instructors like the company and offered. Maybe yours just doesn't fancy sitting in a car with his student for 5 hours. I would never offer someone a lift in his situation unless I thoroughly enjoyed their company.

Wtafdidido · Yesterday 00:26

It may be against the rules for an instructor to be alone with a member of the opposite ssex and he would be opening himself up to all sorts of allegations. I think and in his place I would protect my self by not offering lifts to students where I would be alone with them.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · Yesterday 00:25

I doubt he's driving that distance just for one lesson

Original poster
Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:22

karrabee · Yesterday 00:18

No, it would be unprofessional, plus for all you know he might not actually like you. It's a student teacher relationship, not one between mates.

I have noticed that the male instructors and male students regularly share lifts. That is why I am asking, is my gender the issue here

OP posts:
Thecatspantaloons · Yesterday 00:22

What if you don't like each other 😣 I would need to really like someone to spend a long time travelling with them - isn't it one of the reasons people actually drive, rather than use public transport , to avoid weirdos? Not saying you are weird btw.

karrabee · Yesterday 00:18

No, it would be unprofessional, plus for all you know he might not actually like you. It's a student teacher relationship, not one between mates.

HeddaGarbled · Yesterday 00:18

You’re a customer. Yes, professional boundaries, but also, he’s unlikely to want to spend that length of time with you when he’s not getting paid for it.

SweatySpider321 · Yesterday 00:17

No. You can be a big girl and get yourself there. Why is it his problem?!

Merrybandofpirates · Yesterday 00:16

No, way too long in a car with someone you barely know and are just in a student/teacher thing with. And what if he books more than one lesson on the same day? Or has other plans? Or wants to do some surfing himself whilst there?
So no, you shouldn’t be expecting a lift.

Slumgullion · Yesterday 00:15

Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:10

I would offer to drive him

Show quote history

But then he’s relying on a student to get him there and home!

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · Yesterday 00:15

I couldn’t think of anything worse than being stuck in the car with a client/colleague doing small talk for 5 hours!

Plus what if I wanted to nip into town on the way home etc or go to the shops - it’s very restrictive.

CharlotteSometimes1 · Yesterday 00:14

Your age, sex, professional relationship are all irrelevant, there’s no way I’d want to spend 5 hours on top of the lesson with anyone other than close friends and family.

RVectensian · Yesterday 00:14

I would neither expect, not want this.

BibbityBoppityTwo · Yesterday 00:13

It’s work for him. I expect he might see 2.5 hours travel as a long time to spend in a car with a student. It’s a whole other level of pressure to make small talk. Like 2.5 hours of extra work in a way. I wouldn’t see it as normal to offer a lift in this situation.

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