AIBU to wonder if my surfing instructor should offer me a lift?

You want to spend 5+ hours in a car with a man you’ve never met before, are you bonkers?!

I don't know which is worse!

But yes I agree. OP should step away from this situation and join some local groups. Meet people organically and see what happens.

Gotta love diligent posters like you 🤗 .
I'm getting Baby Reindeer weird vibes.

Anyone concerned that the OP is actually collecting instructors to stalk!

OP if you are the multi instructor poster I’m actually genuinely concerned for your mental health. This is not normal or healthy.

Oh, wow. I hadn't realised there was a backstory. Thanks.

In light of all that @Sarnpark for the love of all that's holy, back off and don't offer or expect a lift from this man. Even better, cancel the rest of your lessons with him.

Have had a look at OP's previous thread where this man was a martial arts instructor, and she's questioning whether it's weird that he doesn't drive away at the exact same time as her. Comes across quite stalkerish to be honest.

From that thread he's also married, and it's pretty clear he knows that OP has a massive crush on him.

He's simply trying to set boundaries and probably feels quite uncomfortable.

If you are interested in pursuing him romantically then stop paying him for a service. It's not appropriate.

YABU. He's only on the clock for the time of the lesson. By giving you a lift he's essentially giving up his personal time by 'working' for another 5 hours. He might like to make phone calls or listen to podcasts/audiobooks on his personal time in the car. You are a client, not a friend. Making conversation with a client is work.

Your goal was to lose weight so you decided to take a surfing class 2.5 hours away?

Sorry OP, that's just not adding up. There must be hundreds of gyms and sports clubs closer to your home, which would be much more beneficial for weight loss than surfing.

Between this and the multiple threads on the same topic, you seem to have developed an unhealthy fixation on this man.

You're trying to blur boundaries with an instructor you're attracted to. I would bet he knows it. It's a bad look and no.

He's likely taking his own gear and that takes a lot of space. He also might not want to be alone with students who are attracted to him and trying to blur instructor/student boundaries for hours at a time.

Surfing isn't a really good exercise for weight loss. What made you pick that?

I think it’s important to maintain a professional relationship with students. That doesn’t mean a lift is necessarily inappropriate. But it would have to be something that you both felt comfortable with and didn’t cross the line.

However, now that you’ve mentioned your attraction to him and the possibility that he feels the same, the situation is more complicated. In that case I definitely wouldn’t offer a lift. It could make everything quite awkward.

I wouldn’t want to spend 2.5hrs in the car with a student unpaid.

I was wondering if there is any safeguarding regs for surfing schools/clubs, and of course there is.

Crime and Policing Act 2026 – Guidance for Affiliated Clubs, Surf Schools and Coaches - Surfing England

Mainly about Children of course.

I have no idea if this is relevant. But this guidance leaflet is.

Crime and Policing Act 2026 – Guidance for Affiliated Clubs, Surf Schools and Coaches - Surfing England

Quote from that

"7. Corporate Criminal Liability From 29 June 2026, incorporated organisations may face criminal liability where a senior manager commits an offence while acting within the scope of their role or authority. For surfing organisations, this may apply to: • company directors; • trustees; • committee chairs; • senior managers; • chief instructors; • senior safeguarding leads. This means that in serious cases, where a senior individual acting on behalf of an organisation commits an offence connected to their role, the organisation itself could also face investigation or prosecution."

I would say that includes insurance. Car insurance. I am not a Lawyer, but I would assume if the instructor was driving, and there was an accident, the school, or club, might be liable if there was a fee paying pupil involved, an adult one.

See how these threads escalate -)

Different scenarios of this thread have been posted many, many times...are you not bored yet OP?

This! Who would want that

Would he even be travelling at the same time? I assume he's not travelling that far for to do one lesson then come home?
I wouldn't expect or want to travel him & if he knows you live nearby and hasn't suggested it I'd just make my own way there.

I am 100% sure your sex has a lot to do with it.

No way would I offer lifts as a tutor to my tutees anyway, because of the pp reasons about time ‘on’, own privacy etc. But doubly so either offering or accepting lifts from males. You just don’t know what might happen.

From his point of view - assuming he’s a decent professional - he would be opening up a risk of accusations from you about improper or unprofessional conduct which could ruin him. He might also be aware that him even offering changes the dynamic between you, and could make some women feel uncomfortable about the lessons going forward.

Finally, you say you think there is some attraction between you. Again, in a decent bloke this would be yet another reason not to go there. Mixing business with pleasure can end up going horribly wrong.

I like the peace and quiet of a journey alone rather than making small talk with someone else. Maybe he’s the same.

I am an academic and I imagine I would feel the same way about protecting my time.

My first reaction to OP’s post was an impersonal ‘Boundaries’. It just seems best to keep them clean. If there is attraction, mutual or one way, that really changes nothing.

I honestly like most students but I think it is best to cultivate an attitude of friendly professionalism towards all whilst teaching. If OP is to develop a relationship with her instructor,it should wait until lessons conclude.

YABU to expect him to offer but you could offer and see what he says

I was about to post something related. If you are both local to a beach, and you, or he, want to try a different place 2.5 hours away. would it not make sense to hire a mini bus, so his other students can go too ?

Is that not how these things are usually done? Make it a club event sort of thing, rather than one on one ?

Or do you want it to be one on one ?

If I was him, as an instructor, that is how I would try to do it. Get a list of all the pupils who fancy it, get quotes for a minibus, and take it from there.

He’d be opening himself to all sorts of risks of accusations if he was alone in a car with you. He’s very sensible to not offer

I am an instructor and as much as I like my clients, I would feel like I’m still working if I have to spend that much time with them.

Plus, naturally they would pick my brains for extra tips/coaching.

That is my take.