Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if my surfing instructor should offer me a lift?

131 replies

Sarnpark · 25/09/2026 23:59

Question for instructors or students:

I’m a relatively new surfing student, doing a one-to-one course with an instructor at a place about 2.5 hours’ drive from where we live. I’ve discovered that my instructor lives literally 5 minutes from my house.

Would it be normal for the instructor to offer me a lift/share the journey, given that we’re going to exactly the same place anyway? I don't mind driving. Or would most instructors avoid this because of professional boundaries?

We’re opposite genders and he is older than me, although I’m not sure whether that makes any difference.

Our kit wont need to be transported as we are hiring everything.

From a student’s perspective, would you see a lift as a completely normal logistical thing, or would you assume the instructor was deliberately maintaining more distance by travelling separately?

AIBU to expect to share a lift (either me or him driving)

Or is driving together for 5 hours too personal in addition to the course itself?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Buzzlightyeartowel · Today 05:31

For a 10 minute journey, potentially. For 2.5 hours fuck that! I want to sing it listen to my audio book, not make small talk with a relative stranger for 5 hours.

WhatADilemma10 · Today 04:46

Sarnpark · Yesterday 08:27

Thanks all for the comments.

We have known each other 16 weeks, training weekly.

No other students before or after.

We do live by the sea but wanted to try a different location.

It just seems strange to me that we would take two cars, two lots of petrol, two people driving rather than split the effort and cost.

I ask because I feel there might be a mutual attraction/energy between us, but his desire not to share a lift indicates I might be wrong about that

Oh dear OP. You've probably been giving off signs. Please ask for a different instructor and do not put him in an awkward position. It would be extremely unprofessional to start a relationship with a client.

Frog1004 · Today 04:36

I wouldn't expect a lift but I think it would make sense to car share. I'm not really sure about the company policies and if they would think it was appropriate or not.

tiredtiredd · Today 04:08

Oops duplicated.

tiredtiredd · Today 03:40

I’d be so pissed off if my alone time was stolen by someone wanting to share travel arrangements with me.

Copperoliverbear · Today 03:37

No I would not cross professional boundaries.

RedTagAlan · Today 01:53

Sakura7 · Yesterday 23:21

The other thread for context.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5557486-aibu-to-wonder-why-my-instructor-avoids-driving-home-with-me?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share]]

Thanks.

In that thread the OP states they are a slow driver. And in this thread the OP is talking about a 2.5 hour drive, each way.

I have no idea how slow a driver the OP is, and I am no way advocating for speeding here, but if the OP is painfully slow, that is usually the sort of thing that other people notice if travelling to a club or something over a period of weeks.

So the posters saying he might not want to spend 5 hours in a car with OP might be right, because the instructor might usually be doing it in 4 hours.

PigeonDuckGoose · Today 01:43

SoThatsTheWayItIs · Yesterday 08:32

Well there’s quite a drip feed 🙄

Show quote history

Yeah!

So basically OP has a little crush on him. Rather than being a grown up and asking a direct question or just accepting he is a teacher she's come up with some other theory about shared travel and how it maybe because he fancies her. Assuming people on here will support this I suppose. 🙄

SendforJulietOne · Today 00:10

My experience of similar: I was on a professional course in-house within my work. One woman that I already knew in passing was on the same course and we lived in the same direction home. So naturally we got the train back together until she got off and I carried on.

I found it excruciating. Firstly, as I usually drive to work I like to read on a train journey. Secondly, I like her well enough, but we're not friends and we have nothing at all in common aside from doing the same job. But I felt forced to spend that time making small talk with her. Stupid thing is, I'm fairly certain she felt the same.and would prefer to travel alone too!!!

So my point is, maybe he just wants to spend the drive alone with a podcast?

Goatsarebest · Yesterday 23:56

Surfing isn't a really good exercise for weight loss. What made you pick that?

It's a mystery alright. But a longshot might be something to do with a real life example of how it can chisel out the body shape, even after sitting in a car for 5 hours.

Laura9899 · Yesterday 23:37

I would HATE five hours of small talk.

ErrolTheDragon · Yesterday 23:33

Ah… I’d missed Sakura’s previous post.😬

ErrolTheDragon · Yesterday 23:19

Madeinsuffolk · Yesterday 22:53

Nope. As a rugby manager, I can’t offer lifts to kids in my team even if my own kid is there. If I’m going as manager, there are boundaries.

Kids. Yes of course there are boundaries with kids.
The OP is an adult (well, she can drive and is on Mumsnet so I assume so).

Morecoffeeneedef · Yesterday 23:10

Sarnpark · Yesterday 00:22

I have noticed that the male instructors and male students regularly share lifts. That is why I am asking, is my gender the issue here

Show quote history

If it regularly happens in your club, then gender is irrelevant, so long as nothing flirtatious is going on already. You could tell him he's welcome to have a lift any time you are both going straight there and straight back.

Madeinsuffolk · Yesterday 22:53

Nope. As a rugby manager, I can’t offer lifts to kids in my team even if my own kid is there. If I’m going as manager, there are boundaries.

Newname26 · Yesterday 22:38

Mypyjamasarebaggy · Yesterday 18:10

You want to spend 5+ hours in a car with a man you’ve never met before, are you bonkers?!

Think about that the other way, would the instructor want to risk potentially being accused of anything improper on a drive that long?

Op must be paying a fortune, 5hrs travel 2 hrs lesson plus fuel. These lesson must be costing about £300 a time.

Bourneo · Yesterday 22:10

sparepantsandtoothbrush · Yesterday 00:25

I doubt he's driving that distance just for one lesson

Exactly! That's what I was thinking, he's prob doing a few lessons that day or surfing himself. Plus it was be so weird and awkward! Personally I'd hate to do small talk for that length of time.

somanychristmaslights · Yesterday 21:15

Oh my god , you fancy him 🤦🏻‍♀️. No, do not ask him for a lift!!!

Bananacrepewithnuts · Yesterday 21:02

BibbityBoppityTwo · Yesterday 00:13

It’s work for him. I expect he might see 2.5 hours travel as a long time to spend in a car with a student. It’s a whole other level of pressure to make small talk. Like 2.5 hours of extra work in a way. I wouldn’t see it as normal to offer a lift in this situation.

I agree with this. If it was 15 mins you might both think yes that's a good idea let's share but I couldn't think of anything worse than being cooped up in a car for all that time.

Just drove yourself.

X

Lizchapman · Yesterday 19:29

You also have no idea whether he is going direct from home or straight back home afterwards - he may well not be.

Jimmyjumpy · Yesterday 19:09

I cant imagine driving that far for a surfing lesson!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · Yesterday 19:06

Where in Cornwall are you getting to from South Wales in 2.5 hours?

MumsTheWordYouKnow · Yesterday 19:04

5 hours stuck in a car together. No way.

RockInnit · Yesterday 18:26

Would you expect him to pay you petrol money if you give him a lift? It would muddy the waters with payment etc so he may not be keen