AIBU is my husband mean?

Sounds like a normal argument to me!

Next time book a hotel room and watch the show from there, have the whole evening and following morning to yourself!

He was in the wrong and tried to sabotage your evening then when you called him out on it he tried to shut you down with a comment about takeaways. He was being completely unreasonable and it was spiteful to make you miss your show.

Fuck that. She cuts down on very occasional treats, but he gets to neck beer and go on trips? Win win for him then. And she says they are ok for money.
However, playing devil's advocate, did he understand it was a live stream, not just a recording? If he did, hes a twat. If he didn't maybe gets away with it, but did he listen when you told him so?

You should have left him to sort the messed up bedtime, why did you stay?

He is sabotaging your attempts to have a social life.

I wouldn’t have stepped in at bedtime. You should have stuck some headphones on and let him get on with it, just like you have to do.
You wouldn’t have been able to bail him out if you were actually sitting in a theatre watching the show.

What would have happened if you went out to see the show rather than online? He'd have had to sort the children himself.

Yes he's unreasonable, selfish and selective on how money is spent, how come it's ok for him to have beer but not you have cinnamon buns?

I get why you stepped in at bedtime. But after, was the whole show over? Coukd yiu not watch the rest and then discuss the bedtime problem after? Why were you texting each other? Seems like a sure fire way to be misunderstood and say hurtful things.

Did he ask you specifically to go help him with bedtime, even with the kids screaming or did you just take it on yourself to go and help because you could hear them? I mean, sometimes bedtime doesn't go to plan and maybe the kids were crying because they knew that 'Mummy was in the house' and they wanted you. Had you have gone out, then it could have gone better.

Secondly you were as bad as he was by throwing in the mix about him staying overnight so much. Its for work, and he has to do that and you admit in your post that you didn't mind. So why throw this at him?

Then maybe he said about your cinammon buns etc because he is the one earning the money and feels pressure from that.

Either way, both of you were as bad as each other.

Stop sniping at one another and work on your communication.

At this stage you need to pull together and be a team and support each other and value each others contribution to the family.

It was specific to the arguement though you brought him working away up and he is saying he wouldn’t have to work away if you weren’t spending so much.

with the specifics of knowing your income/outgoings it’s hard to know whether that was unreasonable or not.

you need to sit down and go through your finances, working hours, house work & childcare and make sure it’s fair and reasonable based on working hours/flexibility and income.

I quite fancy a cinnamon bun now.

It shouldn’t be a case of the “mother’s load” or the husband “helping”. You both appear to work and are both responsible for looking after the kids. It would appear the only solution is for him is to learn the routines better so he’s capable on his own. We get takeaways when knackered so I assume similar. Does he cook?

If he’s concerned about money then I’d leave the buns and beer off the shopping list. After all, he did say it would help him not have to work so much.

He can then use the extra time to pull his weight with the kids.

I'm sorry but you attacked him first saying he shouldn't go away so much. That's his job, he doesn't have a choice. How do you think that made him feel?

Of course he snapped back, but you snapped first.

Both of you are wrong. Sounds like you need to have an adult conversation to air grievances

Exactly!!!!!!

This. You shouldn't have interfered.

So did he know you were watching a live show or did he think you were just watching tv?
Did he ask for help or did you hear the kids and decide to intervene invited?
Saying don’t go away for work so much is ridiculous. It’s his job. Presumably he didn’t have a choice.
Do you show any kind of appreciation to him for working full time to support you? His comment indicates he resents working his arse off for you to waste money stuffing your face with crap. What is your finance situation? Do you both work together as a team to manage the money?

"I'd had a lovely chilled afternoon in an empty house. Then my wife and kids turn up and all of a sudden I have to get up off the sofa and bath the kids while she does something she's booked. I wouldn't mind, but I work away, so I'm used to having to do nothing but my job then back to my hotel room, so I'm in a routine of not having to do much but please myself.
She wants me home more to help with the kids. But to be honest, I'm happy as I am. Doing my job and leaving the rest to her. If I didn't work away I'd have to spend the evenings with the kids rather than relaxing in the hotel bar, so...nah.
The only thing that riles me (apart from the kids) is that she spends money on buns. I mean, all them two quids add up and sometimes I think there might not be enough left for my beer money"

Sounds like you need to leave the kids with him more and actually go out so he has to deal with them.

This. I would have left him to it

Right, so it is ok for him to have his beers and you not to have your takeaways/cinnamon buns?

These are seperate issues and the reason he brings these things up which are irrelevant is so he doesn't have to deal with the problem at hand. He sounds immature.

When he does this ignore this dont engage on those things he is saying and continue to him with the problem at hand.

i think you deserve your treats the takeaway and cinnamon buns. Dont feel bad about them.

Is he like this often, or is this a one off after a week that's been challenging for both of you? Traveling for work does sound more appealing than toddler wrangling on your own to me, but it's still generally soulless and tiring. Away from home comforts, home food, bed you like. Colleagues you can't escape from. Always "on". Etc.

The toddler years are tricky and it's easy to both sink into feeling you're the hard done by one. If this isn't his general character, I think you could do with both trying to give each other a bit more grace, accept things are going to be tricky for a few years and try and develop a team approach.

If this is his character, though, resentment will likely build and I'd suggest focusing on getting yourself a career that will provide you with the standard of living you want so you don't have to rely on him any more.

He was being mean.

He had a problem with it for some reason, he should have had these discussions with you previously not thrown this in your face at this time
He was clearly being defensive.

I completely understand why you came to put kids to bed as kids come first and you did want them crying and uncomfortable as they needed to go to bed. It was about the kids and not him.

He sounds incompetent there. How sad that you couldn't enjoy something for yourself. You deserve to.

I hope you can in the future.

He sounds like a right prince!

Next time go to a live theatre or cinema show so you are of the house when he needs help with his own kids!

His comment would make me ne er want to see him naked again. Just reading it has given me the ick about him. You deserve better.