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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to pull my child out of nursery after settling in sessions?

48 replies

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 17:48

I went for 2 settling in sessions at a nursery and have decided that I don’t think it’s the right place for our child my partner is now annoyed at me, am I just been an overprotective parent?

I stayed for one hour and then for the last hour I left and sat in reception for about 10 minutes, I then went round the corner to grab a coffee as a member of staff came out and assured me my child hadn’t even noticed I’d left and wasn’t upset.

When I returned there was a notice on the door saying they had a case of hand foot and mouth in her room which hadn’t been there an hour before, then when I walked in my child was inconsolable crying clinging to her key worker, she was bright red and looked absolutely shattered- she then informed me they couldn’t find her dummy (it was in my bag which was completely my fault) and had been crying on and off for 30-40 minutes, I was abit confused why they hadn’t rang me as I could of brought it back to see if it settled her, the outdoor area had rabbit droppings and rabbit burrows/ large holes that I witnessed several children fall down, a little boy fell forwards on a bike face first and wasn’t noticed for some time and they claimed a ratio of 3 children to 1 staff but was more like 6 kids to 1. Her key worker also called her the wrong name 4 times while I was there, my child has allergies and I was not reassured they may get children mixed up.

Her key worker said to not let it put me off that she didn’t settle and then asked if she’s doing a full day Monday to which I said yes as I am at work, she basically implied I might have to come get her early but I travel 40 minutes for work so I can’t be there very quickly which makes me incredibly uneasy

It seems they had too many children to staff and incredibly stretched. I then returned home to find her coat gone from her bag.

Am I being unreasonable to not send her Monday and find elsewhere?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2026 17:53

Yeah, it doesn't sound like a good nursery! Were they understaffed? I don't know how you'll be able to relax at work if you aren't confident of their care.

Do you realistically have another option?

Won't your dh share your concerns about her wellbeing?

LIZS · 25/09/2026 17:53

You admit part of the upset was your fault but are quick to blame the nursery. How old is your dc, minimum ratios are set by age group. If you withdraw them now how would you work on Monday? Did you view other nurseries to compare?

TurquoiseSloth · 25/09/2026 17:55

Trust your gut. I had a child with medical needs - including allergies - who was not properly cared for at nursery. It was an absolute disaster and ended in a traumatic experience for us all.

SunshineAndFizz · 25/09/2026 17:57

From what you’re described, sounds like a typical nursery.

I’m all for going with your gut though, so if you want to take her out, take her out. But the next place will probably not be a million miles off the first place.

Lmnop22 · 25/09/2026 18:00

I don’t think you can judge a nursery off one settling in day - your baby will always be upset the first few times at least, the getting the name wrong is just because it’s the first time they met her and next time they’ll have her dummy so might go better.

They clearly haven’t stolen her coat and it’ll be there next time you go - nurseries can get a bit chaotic with that many kids all with toys and coats and wellies and things but label stuff and you’ll get it back.

Im all for pulling her out if really not getting better but I wouldn’t be hasty, there are huge waiting lists for alternatives and you have to work so might be a nightmare and if it’s teething issues only you’re causing yourself a lot of stress over nothing

FrogsAtDawn · 25/09/2026 18:07

It sounds like a typical nursery. Have you asked them what their system is for meal times etc if your child has allergies? The dummy thing is easily solved by making sure you pack spares in her bag. A lost coat is a typical occurrence in any nursery. Check her bag before you leave.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 25/09/2026 18:10

This does definitely sound like most nurseries really.

There are loads of nursery staff on MN who say similar.

DDivaStar · 25/09/2026 18:12

If you have other options then yes move her as you didn't feel confident in their care.

However the only thing that would concern me id rabbit droppings, is it an enclosed garden?

Obviously they should be sticking to ratios but that wouldn't be easy to see with different rooms etc

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:15

LIZS · 25/09/2026 17:53

You admit part of the upset was your fault but are quick to blame the nursery. How old is your dc, minimum ratios are set by age group. If you withdraw them now how would you work on Monday? Did you view other nurseries to compare?

I was sat in reception they could have simply asked for the dummy or as I said rang? They are 18 months old, my family member has been looking after them they were only going to go to nursery 2 days per week to give the family member a break (even though they've said they’re happy with them 5 days a week) also for the social aspect of been around other children as they don’t have siblings

OP posts:
Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:17

DDivaStar · 25/09/2026 18:12

If you have other options then yes move her as you didn't feel confident in their care.

However the only thing that would concern me id rabbit droppings, is it an enclosed garden?

Obviously they should be sticking to ratios but that wouldn't be easy to see with different rooms etc

Yes it’s an enclosed garden that’s fenced off

OP posts:
Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:20

FrogsAtDawn · 25/09/2026 18:07

It sounds like a typical nursery. Have you asked them what their system is for meal times etc if your child has allergies? The dummy thing is easily solved by making sure you pack spares in her bag. A lost coat is a typical occurrence in any nursery. Check her bag before you leave.

I would have checked her bag but my main concern at that point was calming down my hysterical child as the dummy didn’t work when I gave it to her and I was holding her

OP posts:
Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:23

TurquoiseSloth · 25/09/2026 17:55

Trust your gut. I had a child with medical needs - including allergies - who was not properly cared for at nursery. It was an absolute disaster and ended in a traumatic experience for us all.

Sorry to hear this, I worry a lot more because of the allergies I don’t want any mix ups I know a wrong name might be nothing to someone else but what happens if they mix up her meals and mistake her for another child

OP posts:
SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:24

How are they allowed to have rabbit burrows and droppings? Surely that is a major health hazard?

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:25

Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2026 17:53

Yeah, it doesn't sound like a good nursery! Were they understaffed? I don't know how you'll be able to relax at work if you aren't confident of their care.

Do you realistically have another option?

Won't your dh share your concerns about her wellbeing?

My family member said they’re happy to continue looking after them, I did get the feeling they were understaffed I was dubious on the first session but the second one there was a lot more children, my partner is a lot more laid back than me and didn’t go to the sessions

OP posts:
Weirdpig · 25/09/2026 18:25

In contrast to other posters, I wouldn't say that's normal for nurseries. Lots of it is rubbish, but not knowing the name of a child with allergies is probably the most serious. We used 3 nurseries/preschool. I know the staff ratios and only noticed them being out of ratio once in 8 years. They all offered a long enough settling in time period for me to be confident leaving my DDs. DD1 had a couple of extra settling in sessions. They didn't have holes for children to fall into in the garden.

SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:25

Also the ratio issue is very serious.

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:26

SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:24

How are they allowed to have rabbit burrows and droppings? Surely that is a major health hazard?

This is what I thought but I didn’t know if I was just been paranoid?!

OP posts:
SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:27

No you are not being paranoid in the slightest. I would not leave a child in their care for a minute!
Have they a recent OFSTED report?

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:29

Weirdpig · 25/09/2026 18:25

In contrast to other posters, I wouldn't say that's normal for nurseries. Lots of it is rubbish, but not knowing the name of a child with allergies is probably the most serious. We used 3 nurseries/preschool. I know the staff ratios and only noticed them being out of ratio once in 8 years. They all offered a long enough settling in time period for me to be confident leaving my DDs. DD1 had a couple of extra settling in sessions. They didn't have holes for children to fall into in the garden.

One of the holes was so big and deep a child fell into it and I genuinely couldn’t even see them until a member of staff shouted that they were there, some were knee deep and wide others were definitely rabbit burrows as a staff member even said don’t put your foot in the burrows to a child

OP posts:
Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:30

SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:27

No you are not being paranoid in the slightest. I would not leave a child in their care for a minute!
Have they a recent OFSTED report?

Last one was somehow outstanding ( a year ago) the one before that there was complaints and a couple of complaints the year before as well

OP posts:
SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:30

I’d report them to your local council.
That’s nuts.

Weirdpig · 25/09/2026 18:33

How can you tell they've had complaints? Does ofsted list them somewhere?

Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:33

SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:30

I’d report them to your local council.
That’s nuts.

Considered it but then thought I was been harsh, I haven’t seen many other nurseries to compare it to but it the garden area and allergy/ name issue scared me massively

OP posts:
Quirkypenguin · 25/09/2026 18:33

Weirdpig · 25/09/2026 18:33

How can you tell they've had complaints? Does ofsted list them somewhere?

Yeah on the ofsted website they list the complaints, what the complaint was and the outcome

OP posts:
SeptemberRains · 25/09/2026 18:36

You are not being too harsh at all.
The allergies issue and lack of staff is unacceptable. Children have died because nursery staff were negligent about allergies.