I presume this would bother you too… how can I phrase this to know one way or another? Can I even ask this?

Ok you go and shag a nearly 50 year old virgin. If he's not managed to get a shag by that age there's something wrong.

I’m in interested in you being 5 dates in and no snogging? That feels like it’s taking things quite slowly…
tbh I wouldn’t care if someone was a virgin, if I liked them and the feeling was mutual. It’s not how my life has been but I can see how quiet, respectful men of my age could end up being virgins just because the opportunity hasn’t arisen. See the 5 dates in.

the only thing that’ll stop him being a virgin (if he is) is having sex. And, weirdly, that’s something you can absolutely change.

if he’s kind and nice and genuine then virginity wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me.

Once you snog him you will know if it matters or not. He sounds like a gorgeous person.

I’m much rather meet a virgin than a player .

Has he been in prison or hospitalized ? Hard to have a relationship if he’s there

You would hope though they know their way around and what ‘bit’ does what… I expect a mechanic to know how to drive a car etc

Am I the only person that doesn’t see an issue with asking about someone’s sexual history. I’m straight up and direct. I would say you’ve mentioned your shy and I can see that but how shy? Have you had sexual relationships in the past? Not that this is an issue for me (well it would be for me) but just would like to know where you’re at.

I would hope that being a gynaecologist doesn't make a man good at sexually pleasing women! That's not 'experience', as he's hardly going to be practising getting his patients off, is he? Examining a vulva/vagina and sexually stimulating one are very different things.

PP are right that his lack of serious relationships is a serious red flag. It hints at major insecurities or personality flaws, weird kinks, the use of prostitutes, or an inability to establish a committed dynamic. Even if he's not a virgin he's going to lack experience in dealing with another person in a romantic relationship when it comes to disagreements and compromises, and that could get very frustrating.

Personally I'd ask him about his virginity out of sheer curiosity, but then I was blunt like that in relationships - and it worked out well for me.

What does it matter some people need a deeper connection before entering a sexual relationship I’m 60 and had two sexual partners so what difference does it make. If they had had a lot of different sexual partners you’d be asking is that a red flag? Just see where it goes stop trying to find something that probably doesn’t matter

I know someone who had only 1 serious relationship in his early 50s onwards. He had had a few one-night stands but had made a decision in his late 20s/early 30s thst he wouldn’t marry and then even just ordinary relationships just didn’t happen for him.

This person was extremely fearful though, of getting caught in a relationship he couldn’t get out of. He was also scared of STDs and later of Covid, so for chunks of time he didn’t have much physical contact.

He had maybe 3 or 4 one/two night stands and then finally got with someone when he was older. Sexually inexperienced but not completely so.

I’m a female in my mid 40s and have had very few serious relationships. It doesn’t mean I am weird or a ‘red flag’. It’s just circumstances.

Exactly. You won't know til you try. You might be massively compatible!

Has he been paying for sex? That would be my first assumption not no sex in his life.

I would want to know as I don’t believe you can buy consent.

He'd probably be quite energetic by comparison. All the fun of novelty.

I think it would be a relief when dating.

No STDS ... no chandelier swinging to keep up with.

He'll catch on soon enough. It's only teenagers and sleazeballs who really believe there are magic skills that can't be taught to most with a bit of direction!

He sounds wasted on you tbh ...

My opinion:

1. It is no one’s business what a partner’s or potential partner’s sexual history has been unless there is some sort legal implication.
2. ’more’ experience doesn’t necessarily make for a better lover. Many years ago my friend dated a gynaecologist and she said he was lousy in bed… 🤔

Are you a teenager? Why would you do something so immature?!

He might be a disaster in bed. Same goes for any new partner.
You might be incompatible / he might he selfish / you might have to tell him what you do or don't like. Same goes for any new partner. Isn't it always a gamble?

Well yes, me too, I have a lovely husband of 20 years and no complaints there thanks but if I was in op's position I wouldn't judge someone for being a virgin.

Losing my virginity (at age 18) was mind blowing and we stayed together for 12 yrs. We just clicked sexually immediately.....and that could be the same for OP. You don't know until you try!

I think I will stick with my long term partner ( 10 years) and his 35 years experience previous to me thanks

It doesn't take long to learn lol!
It comes naturally with the right person. One time and you're off and it could be really fun teaching them....you could be missing out on a lot of fun

Just because he hasn’t had a serious relationship doesn’t mean he’s a virgin. He’s my age we all shagged about in the 90s there was nothing else to do. If you take things a step further you’ll soon find out either way, if he knows what he’s doing then he’s not a virgin and just hasn’t met the right person, if he’s far too nervous and fumbly then yeah he’s probably a virgin, but I doubt it.

Gift horse?? Some ineperienced nearly 50 year old CBA at my age to teach a bloke from scratch. .

No thanks

Or high standards or religious reasons or romantic wanting the right person or anxiety...