Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

I think funerals are more for the living than the dead.

It's not made clear that they may take the body hundreds of miles away immediately upon collection.

I'd like to hope they make it clear before you sign up that once the body is gone that is it, no further access to it, but the older couple I was referring to didn't realise it, they just thought they would do it locally, and they may be offered the chance to say goodbye at a chapel of rest if they wanted to.

Even their website says the body is taken 'into their care'.. it says nothing about what specifically happens to it. They also say it is more expensive to use a funeral director, and if they do choose a funeral director to do a direct cremation they will 'cut corners'.. which is bullshit scaremongering to drive sales.

I like the idea of direct cremation personally, but wouldn't use faceless company like them.

I don't think there's a body/soul dichotomy. I get that's a key ancient Greek philosophy, Plato and all that. But everything we experience in life is through our bodies: what we see, how we feel, what we touch. Everything in life that you went through and experienced was through your body and that's why it deserves to be treated with respect.

Yes exactly this. ^

I know a woman who has no relationship with her birth mum (BM) - and hasn't had for 30 years. Her dad died when she was a toddler. Her BM was abusive and violent, and she had to be raised by her aunt who was 15 years older than her BM. (Moved in when she was about 9.) Her aunt died 20 years ago when she was 30 and she walked away and pretty much lost touch with her 3 cousins (her aunt's children) after several years. She's hardly heard from them for some 18-20 years.

Her BM died last year, and 2 of the cousins contacted her on Facebook, and told her she had died, and told her when the funeral was. She messaged back and said she's not going, and like, why would she?! Both cousins said 'you're joking, no way are you not going, to your own MOTHER'S funeral?!' She said 'that's correct, and she is not my mother, she is nothing, and she has been dead to me for 30 years.'

The next day, a family friend who knew the BM contacted her and said it's horribly disrespectful to not go, as that she is her mother! 🙄 No contact for 30 years and nothing but hate and abuse when she was a child, and she was being guilt tripped into attended her funeral, purely because she was her birth mother. She just blocked them all, and deactivated her Facebook or a few weeks, so they couldn't contact her again.

She did not need to 'get closure' on anything. She 'got closure' when she went no-contact with her in the late 1990s, and cut her from her life.

What religion/philosophy do you follow out of interest?

Exactly. I can't think of anything worse than my body rotting in the ground. I am 100% being cremated.

I’m having direct cremation, I hate funeral/cremation services mainly because of so much hypocrisy I have experienced over the years.
My family are perfectly happy with this, I will leave money for them to have a nice meal or something at a future point.

You're just an empty shell when you die. Your soul has gone. The body is just excess waste then.

I couldn't disagree more!

The Body is just a vehicle for the personality/soul.

Nothing "sacred" about it when it's rotting underground or ashes scattered to the winds.

Many people disagree. You do you. And leave other people to have the funeral that they want.

I know there is a lot wrong with religion, but this is what's left when religion leaves society. The body is sacred, not just animal waste to be disposed of. We have a terrible death culture in this country.

See I really mind when people talk as though everyone grieves the same and is helped by the same things. I really lost it at work once quite a few years ago now when we had a lady in for respite (when NHS community hospitals did respite) and her husband, who had been ill for some time, had a heart attack and died. Obviously she was very upset but decided not to attend the funeral. There was an uprising among the staff who thought that she HAD to go to the funeral or she wouldn't "get closure" and honestly some of them wanted to force her to go.
When my own husband died, simple cremation wasn't a thing so it was just myself and siblings at the crematorium (all parents had died and he had no sibs) and we had a really short non religious service. I know this shocked his work colleagues and hobby colleagues but it was what i needed.

You do you and leave the rest of us to do us.

My Dad arranged this for himself. He didnt want us to pay lots of money for me, my mum and my half brother to sit through an awkward service. It was fine, didnt effect my grieving or ability to say goodbye at all.

My mum wants the same, then us to have a party at a later time.

My husband died at 45, we had a funeral and cremation.

My husband and I used their services during the pandemic when his dad died. We couldn’t have a funeral at the time. We were sent his ashes afterwards. It was the service we needed at the time.

The Good Funeral Guide has a Google Form for anyone to share their experience of a Direct Cremation https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdYmBC7StZyq9234g5bU_3iNpnvbJ8A4U_qXItkKuonWc0Xnw/viewform

It's quite detailed so if your experience is fairly recent you might prefer to bookmark the link for when things are a little less raw.

Jo

but its made clear in the adverts?

See this is where it’s so individual. It actuially traumatised me but I can see why it would be the opposite for many others. If I could add anything I would say really think about it first becuse you can’t really go and do it differently tbh.

Indeed.

And some people where a relative has been ill for a long time, especially if they have been a carer for that person, will likely have done a good deal of grieving already, watching a loved one disappear little by little over the course of years, months or weeks.

Then perhaps writing a letter to say all you want to and burn it in the garden to say Goodbye

My Mum's funeral was peak pandemic, and we had the only 10 allowed rule, all sitting apart. I've never 'liked' funerals, however that experience was awful.
I'm not having a service, I'll be getting cremated directly. My loved ones can gather to scatter my ashes.

The body is in a cold store. They offered mum the option to prepare the body for viewing, she said no. No viewings. I imagine the coffin will be very basic, probably cardboard or something. I can’t imagine anything worse than seeing him like that. It would make it all so much worse.

My friend had it and was tough without a funeral. It all went ok though. She booked it 2 months before she was diagnosed with cancer and gone 9wks later.

We did this last year for a young family member who died very suddenly in traumatic circumstances. None of us could have coped with a funeral service, and one of their last requests was " please don't give me a funeral because I don't want to die" and their parent respected that. We have planted flowers at one of the places they were happiest, we talk about them all the time though i have to say the pain seems far worse in our second year of loss, the utter shock and unreality has worn off and we are now at the stage of realising they are gone forever. I hold them in my heart and think of them many times every day

Everyone grieves differently and not everyone will find comfort from a "traditional" funeral.

For various reasons, I opted for an unattended cremation for my husband, this year. I do not think that an attended cremation for a very small number of people followed by some kind of small awkward gathering would have provided me or my adult son with "closure".

I also lost a partner over 40 years ago. His brother and I did arrange an attended cremation followed by a small gathering for close family members only. That did not provide "closure", either.

But you might not be grieving, that’s not a given.