AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

What thread are you reading ? That’s not what’s happening on this one. He was ill, sectioned, hospitalised, not earning. What did you expect him to do ? As soon as he was earning again he contacted ex about reinstating payment and she told him not to bother because she had applied to CMS in the meantime. As far as I can see from what the OP says the only arrears he owes are for the time it’s taken CMS to work out the payments - which was from March to now. And if mum loses her job she gets UC which includes payments for children, and there is child benefit. It’s difficult, no-one is saying it isn’t, but what you’ve stated here is not fact in this case.

The problem with this approach is that it doesn’t allow for genuine illness. An attempt to take one’s own life is extremely serious illness. This, in fact, is not linked to whether or not a couple is together or has split. Both parents are responsible for their children, of course. but sometimes circumstances mean that someone simply cannot bear that burden of responsibility, whether because of physical or mental illness. This happens all the time in couples who remain in a relationship as well. So yes, he ‘should’ pay for his children but assuming everything shared is correct and true, he simply could not for a period of time. Had he died, he would never have been able to contribute again and the children would’ve lost their father, creating huge trauma.

@Wokeuptired I’m glad it’s not as bad as it sounded and wish your son the best for the future.

@Credittocress If the RP was ill and unable to work she would be able to claim benefits to ensure her children were fed/clothed/housed.

If he had died after his suicide attempt the children would be in an even worse position, so it makes sense to accommodate his mental health.

I understand that he wishes to pay for a child that is not his

Howver where is the father of this child ?

Do they have his income correct? The figures simply don't stack up and one explanation could be that they have the wrong income. If he paid regularly up until the end of last year, and then returned to work in March, its not clear why he has such huge arrears. He shouldn't be paying for the child that is not biologically his and is probably wasting money trying to get access to her - for now he should focus on getting visitation for his two children, which should be relatively straight forward. She is wrong for stopping access and hopefully he can get a court order in place asap. He can ask for a mandatory consideration of the CMS calculation, and if still unhappy he can appeal to an independent tribunal. Citizens Advice can advise. He will need to be completely open and honest with them though, as the figures you have are not making sense and suggest that you don't have the full story. As others have said, her earnings are irrelevant to his need to support his children. And while I understand that he was struggling financially for a while, its not a case of 'his ex still demanding money' instead it's 'his children still needed financial support'.

He does. That’s not the issue.

Why do these men get a license not to pay that the resident parent (usually mum) doesn’t? Mum loses her job or becomes ill she has to get into debt or borrow from family to make sure the kids get fed. He’s using his ex as a safety net and that IS cruel and unfair.

You don't accrue arrears while you're not earning. He only.has arrears because he was earning and refusing to pay. CMS doesn't automatically take from your wages, that happens when you refuse to pay for a long time.

Just another bloke screaming "they're taking all my money" when actually it's a fraction of their money and it wouldn't be nearly as much if they'd actually paid for their own children in the first place.

And the reasons you can't go into that he's no longer able to have contact with her 🤨

That’s the CMS calculation. It’s correct. His wage will have been reduced by 11% before the calculation was made to account for the fact that he has a child living at home in his second relationship. I agree it’s not enough but until there’s a realistic review anything over and above that is voluntary.

@Looneytune253 CMS makes mistakes all the time.

My husband has had crazy arrears dragged up against him because they thought he had two jobs - it took over a year to sort. Other NRPs have had children assigned to them that aren't theirs. RPs are told that they have lost information on the NRPs so a claim can't be chased.

It is a not fit for purpose system all round and it takes a very long time to fix errors.

Parents pushed to breaking point by Child Maintenance Service, BBC told - BBC News

He was paying up to January when he attempted to take his life and was sectioned. He was hospitalised and lost his job which he got back in March. When he contacted ex to reinstate the payments she told him not to bother because she had applied to CMS in the meantime. It’s taken CMS from then until now to sort out the payments and that’s where the arrears have accrued.

@Credittocress you are entitled to your opinion but I think it is deeply cruel perspective to have.

If he was in a coma or dead the children would be worse off. You can't give what you don't have at the end of the day we are all human.

Yep. I got that, it was in an update although I seem to be in the minority of posters who’ve picked up on it. Sorry, my clarification cross posted with yours.

Something doesn’t add up. Has he been refusing to pay for quite some time? If e was ill/not working then he wouldn’t have accrued arrears? Presumably if there’s such a big amount of arrears he hasn’t been paying when he should have been? He needs to face up to this since the children have been left without. If that’s not the case though I would be querying it as they do need to leave him with some money to live on.

Where is OP lying ? When she said she has seen the paperwork, she was referring to that provided by CMS which is likely correct. That’s not where DS made the mistake. It was his payslip he misread and thought they were deducting more than they actually were. OP said in an update that she did not see the payslip until later when she was able to clarify what they were actually taking. And describing him as ‘useless’ in the circumstances OP describes is disgusting.

I would actually. I would expect him to reach out to his parents or the bank or a friend for a loan. His kids don’t stop needing to be fed or clothed. Why should his ex have to pick up the slack without warning? They aren’t a couple anymore, why is she bailing him out?

@Credittocress say he had cancer or a bad car accident, and was unable to work and pay due to that would you feel the same way.

We have to consider his mental health, because if he ended up dead the children would lose out financially as well as losing their parent.

I meant he made a mistake in the calculations. He was sectioned and in hospital after a suicide attempt Jan-March. What did you expect him to do ?

Indeed. Just another mother enabling her useless son, and wondering why he's useless. I knew she was lying about having seen the paperwork.

It’s rage bait. Pathetic when this is someone’s actual life and very difficult circumstances.

Well he stopped paying for January, February and March… that’s not a mistake

Who does he think should pay for his kids?