AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

I would actually. I would expect him to reach out to his parents or the bank or a friend for a loan. His kids don’t stop needing to be fed or clothed. Why should his ex have to pick up the slack without warning? They aren’t a couple anymore, why is she bailing him out?

I was replying to another poster and if you read the comment, my reply makes perfect sense.

To be honest I'm not sure if he is paying for the older child, i know he was last year when he paid her directly.
But he really doesn't want to give up working as he wants to be able to support his children but he can't live on £500 a month for the next 9 months. And we can't afford to give him £9000.

What thread are you reading ? That’s not what’s happening on this one. He was ill, sectioned, hospitalised, not earning. What did you expect him to do ? As soon as he was earning again he contacted ex about reinstating payment and she told him not to bother because she had applied to CMS in the meantime. As far as I can see from what the OP says the only arrears he owes are for the time it’s taken CMS to work out the payments - which was from March to now. And if mum loses her job she gets UC which includes payments for children, and there is child benefit. It’s difficult, no-one is saying it isn’t, but what you’ve stated here is not fact in this case.

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

I have managed to calm him down and it's not as bad as he thought as he is mistaken on the backpay, i should of said he is dyslexic and he started panicking when he got his payslip as he saw the deductions and thought it was all child maintenance, as he has always told us what he earns as we help him out as much as we can.
The payment is £458 a month and they have added £300 a month for the back payment so he is only deducted £754 he saw that and other deductions came to £1000 or near enough, so he thought they took £1700, but he has been off sick for a few weeks as well.
I told him when we get to him we can sit down and we will help him budget as we have already booked our flights.
Thank you for taking time to help a stranger as it means so much.

This post was made while OP was under the impression that CMS had taken much more from his bank account than they actually did. So it actually would have been very unfair because he would have been in a position where it would have jeopardised his current job. Which would have helped no one. Thankfully that’s not the case, but I can understand the sentiment at the time.

OP said twice she’d seen all the paperwork. What she also said was that she had not seen the payslip. Which is where her DS made the mistake. She’s clarified that several times, including a time line of the events. The OP’s account is only questionable if you haven’t read all of the updates and haven’t appreciated that she meant she had seen the CMS paperwork - which was correct - and not the payslip, which is where her DS made the mistake.

It's interesting that you quote all of this as gospel, when the OP also insisted that the figures were absolutely correct and she'd seen all the paperwork. So many posters stated this could not possibly be correct and OP insisted it was. The OP's version of events is questionable, as is her son's. That much is confirmed.

Then suspect he has faked it, to get money out of you. And CMS use an online portal now, so he wouldn’t be getting letters? Unless it’s the first contact he has had from them.

He can log in to the portal and send a message laying out his salary, and what the online calculator says he should be to show that it isn’t £700. He can also discuss a different payment plan but since CMS simply would not take £1000 extra and leave him with nothing, it simply isn’t true. He is lying to you.

What thread are you reading ? That’s not what’s happening on this one. He was ill, sectioned, hospitalised, not earning. What did you expect him to do ? As soon as he was earning again he contacted ex about reinstating payment and she told him not to bother because she had applied to CMS in the meantime. As far as I can see from what the OP says the only arrears he owes are for the time it’s taken CMS to work out the payments - which was from March to now. And if mum loses her job she gets UC which includes payments for children, and there is child benefit. It’s difficult, no-one is saying it isn’t, but what you’ve stated here is not fact in this case.

Why would they be embarrassed? Someone on £100k earns approx £5700 after tax per month, less with basic pension and student loan deductions (more like £4900). £1400 per month is a significant chunk of that.

Thanks OP. Maybe those at the back and the hard of understanding will pipe down now and stop derailing with nonsense.

his ex could be a millionaire but that doesn't negate him from providing support for his children. This is a stupid argument. He is paying proportionately to what he is earning. His ex's earnings are none of his concern.

That’s embarrassing. Imagine putting that online.
Your brother should be ashamed of himself.

Why do these men get a license not to pay that the resident parent (usually mum) doesn’t? Mum loses her job or becomes ill she has to get into debt or borrow from family to make sure the kids get fed. He’s using his ex as a safety net and that IS cruel and unfair.

OK before I go i will put in a timelines for the people who are unable to grasp my posts.
Jan 2024 they split up for the last time
Jan 24 until December 25 my son paid £600 to her directly and about another £500 in her bills kids clothes etc
December 25 he quit his job and attempted to take his life
Dec25 - march 26 he was in hospital then discharged and he didn't have a job
Feb 26 the ex told him he wasn't allowed to see the children so he done a c100 and court is next month.
March 26 he got his old job back not the same job as the one he quit
April 26 he got his first lot of wages since December 25, he went to pay her and she told him not to bother as the cms were dealing with it
AUGUST 26 he got his first letter from the cms saying he had to pay £458 a month
TODAY he got his payslip and he thought they had taken £1700 but that's what he had been left with after deductions and an extra £300 for cms arrears.

He is under his G.P and the crisis team at the hospital, he is not wanting to pay for the children but while he only has £500 to live on a month his ex is bringing in over 3k a month, how is that fair?
If he loses his home he won't be able to have his children overnight. It's all so messy and their is only so much we can do that's why I have put it on here as I'm desperate to help him.

The problem with this approach is that it doesn’t allow for genuine illness. An attempt to take one’s own life is extremely serious illness. This, in fact, is not linked to whether or not a couple is together or has split. Both parents are responsible for their children, of course. but sometimes circumstances mean that someone simply cannot bear that burden of responsibility, whether because of physical or mental illness. This happens all the time in couples who remain in a relationship as well. So yes, he ‘should’ pay for his children but assuming everything shared is correct and true, he simply could not for a period of time. Had he died, he would never have been able to contribute again and the children would’ve lost their father, creating huge trauma.

@Wokeuptired I’m glad it’s not as bad as it sounded and wish your son the best for the future.