AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

Why do you think it’s in his childrens’ best interests for him not to see them ? Why do you consider him a risk ? He attempted suicide and was sectioned. He’s back working and contributing now. You’re making huge assumptions that anyone in DS’s position is unfit to be around children, which is simply not the case and more than a little ignorant to suggest. You also seem to have completely missed that the courts are happy for him to have access as soon as he has secured his own home. His access wasn’t stopped because he was a risk to the children - it was stopped naturally because he was in hospital.

she shouldn’t be weaponising the children by insisting he can’t see them because he was sick

It wasn’t a cold.

He attempted suicide and was sectioned . I would not want my children to have anything more than limited supervised access until I was sure that therapy had been sought, engaged with and mental health much improved

Just another poster desperate to put the boot in and cause extra stress to a mother trying to do her best for her suicidal son. So glad you are nowhere near my children with your empathy bypass.

OP was honest. When she said she had read the paperwork she was referring to the CMS paperwork. Which was correct. DS made the mistake on his payslip, which OP hadn’t seen. She has clarified several times. Reading the updates helps.

Well this is a mess and I can see both sides. From her perspective she was left without CM for months so likely struggled to get by. Of course he was in hospital so out of work but I think in those circumstances people usually get sick pay or benefits to cover bills - non? CMS take a really nominal amount from benefits, like £7 a week or something paltry but still something. I can see why she found it difficult, she’d come to rely on his CM to pay her bills, buy their DC clothing and food etc.

Having said that, she shouldn’t be weaponising the children by insisting he can’t see them because he was sick and didn’t pay CM when he was jobless. He’s right to take her to court. Easy to say in hindsight but someone should have called CMS on his behalf when he was in hospital to explain the situation. Unsure if they’d still have added the arrears on if they’d have been informed. From their angle, it looks like he just stopped paying for months.

Agree

There are a few of them. Usually alongside a spectacular reading comprehension fail.

There shouldn't be much arrears child maintenance starts from the date you apply not the date the children were born my ex stopped paying me directly eventually I went to child maintenance they said they could do nothing prior to the date I applied

Have you read the full thread ? Updates ? Later comments ? It wasn’t a ‘story’ it was a mistake which has now been straightened out. And in this case the ex and her kids are poorer for it because the CMS calculation is less than he was paying voluntarily.

Hard Agree

The figures don't match what the CMS calculator estimates at all.
If he is earning £26750 before tax, and paying for two children, it says he should be paying £97.92 per week or £424 a month.
If he's earning £2800, it should be £103.46 a week or £448 a month.
That's assuming that they never stay with him.
Maintenance and contact are separate things, and one shouldn't depend on the other.
He should NOT be paying for the 3rd child. It'd be interesting to know if the mum's ever received maintenance from that child's father.

Spectacularly insensitive reply to a mother whose son has attempted suicide.

No but the op did say he couldn't do that due to the nature of his job so shes clearly thought about it as an option.
And from the timeliness his access to his children stopped right before he was sectioned which means he couldn't be trusted to or actually have them.
In most cases I agree that it can be in the child's best interest to continue to have a relationship with a parental figure after a separation however when we are talking about an abusive person or as in this case a mentally ill/unstable person the child needs to be protected by not letting that person near them

Perhaps the ex hasn’t allowed access because she doesn’t feel the children are safe with him

Good on CMS!! Sometimes it does have a back bone. You have been fed a story from your DS. Not for the first time I suspect

I don’t think it was so much to avoid paying CMS as to get it reduced because he was under the impression it was far more than it actually was and he was panicking. Wanting to avoid paying what is due doesn’t seem likely when you consider he was paying more voluntarily than the CMS calculation. I think all of this came from the panic following his misinterpretation of what he was actually being asked to pay. I’m not condoning it but I can understand where it came from.

I hope that going forward he just pays the CMS. No extras like paying off the sofa. She went through CMS and fair enough but then she shouldn't be looking for more.

Yep. If you want to make up your mind without actually considering the facts.

Jan - March when he was in hospital, OP says he was not earning. He got his job back in March and it’s taken CMS six months - from then til now - to make the calculation and start payments.

This is just bullshit from start to finish. Read the updates !! DS was mistaken about the amounts shown on his payslip. He doesn’t owe £9k. He didn’t pay for three months - not a year , three months - because he was in hospital and not earning. When he got his job back he went to the ex to reinstate payments and it was she who told him not to bother because she had applied to CMS. CMS then took six months to make the calculation and write to him to let him know his payments. THAT is why he is in arrears. He has never refused to pay and previously paid £600 a month when the CMS calculation is £450.

And I defy you to find anywhere in any of OP’s posts that she is trying to get him off the hook for maintenance - quite the opposite, she is simply trying to make sure the amount is correct. And where did she say anywhere that DS is committing benefit fraud by working cash in hand and claiming ? She hasn’t actually said anything at all about his entitlement to benefits so you made that up.

I don’t even know where to start with what you said about DS’s access to his children in your last paragraph. It’s ignorant and disgusting.

Was he being paid in the period the backpayments have been deducted for. Im all for men paying but if he had no income during a period I don't see how this is possible?

Can he contact cms directly to explain he was sectioned then got a lower paid job? This way they can recalculate the figures.

The OP did say that his employer wouldn’t let him go part time “officially” and then work the extra on the side. So he definitely was trying to get half his wage cash in hand to avoid paying CMS, and OP seemed to be annoyed his employer wouldn’t let him so 🤷‍♀️

He was in hospital at the start of the year - January to March. OP has provided a time line of the events if you’re still unsure.

all whilst you are trying to think of ways to get him off the hook for maintenance including him committing benefits fraud (claiming UC and working cash in hand on the side) and hes trying to get access to a child who he is not related to.

@Hoardasurass OP hasn't said that he's working cash in hand while claiming benefits, and trying to retain a relationship with a child that he has raised as his own, would be seen as a good thing by most people. I suggested he stop fighting the ex on that issue because its just clouding the water, not because its a bad thing to do.