AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

I worked for CMS and I can tell you first hand that when the calculation has been made and all parties have been contacted, the first thing they would do is advise the collection fees which apply to both parents/ Where one parent indicates they would be happy with direct collection, which does not include fees, CMS will contact the other parent to see if they agree. It costs money to both parents and usually it’s the parent with care who initiates it not realising that they are responsible for part of the fees. Why is that so difficult to understand ?

oh and my ex has had mental health issues in the past and if he had been sectioned I’d have stopped contact with the children as well as I don’t think it’s a healthy environment to be around (or safe when you read about so called family annihilators)

and in fact in a later post the OP said that social workers are involved and setting minimum standards before he’s allowed contact

in these circumstances between a couple that have had a very fraught back story with maintenance and arrears etc - there is no way CMS will say they’ll ring the ex to suggest direct. I just don’t believe that.

anyway, I am pleased that you’ll at least think about a change. It was getting out of hand

This is going to sound harsh but it’s not his ex wife/girlfriend fault he has mental health issues and didn’t work for a period of time. She still has 2 of his children to raise and house clothe and feed. If he had been my son I’d have offered him to live at home until he was sorted financially and I’d have also loaned the CMS amount he had to pay….but then again I’m a sole parent of 3 young children whose ex husband hasn’t paid in 2 years so perhaps you have been lucky in life OP never to have been in this situation

oh and my ex has had mental health issues in the past and if he had been sectioned I’d have stopped contact with the children as well as I don’t think it’s a healthy environment to be around (or safe when you read about so called family annihilators)

OP said upthread that DS has dyslexia. Given that and his mental health problems CMS, as with most government departments with direct public contact, will revert to paper contact if that’s what’s needed. Why is it fishy ?

I still get paper letters from the CMS. But agree that this is a fishy scenario.

Like I said I post as I see and I’m definitely willing to look at my posting style in future because I absolutely don’t wish to cause offence. I’m very grateful to you for pointing that out, but that absolutely doesn’t entitle you to speak so condescendingly to me after I’ve explained myself. Are you willing to admit you were wrong about direct payments ? Because you were. You described it as fiction and I don’t see a retraction. Equally a shame.

Oh, so maybe this won’t lead to a change in approach. That’s a shame

Sorry, this should have read that there are no collection fees for direct payment. Bloody autocorrect !!

Thanks so much for the condescending lecture. Almost makes me wish I hadn’t rejoined the thread.

It’s not outside of their service, it’s called direct payments and doesn’t attract fees. CMS will absolutely contact the ex as it’s in her interests to switch from CMS collections as there are no fees. Not understanding why you think that DS can’t be trusted to make the payments given that he was voluntarily contributing more than the CMS calculation before he was ill and as soon as he was earning again contacted his ex to reinstate payment.

It’s not fiction. CMS are not out to punish absent fathers. The reason there are fees - and significant ones at that - is because the ex has asked CMS to collect the payments. There is a direct payment route in which CMS calculates the maintenance amount, but parents arrange and transfer the payments directly between themselves via bank transfer or standing order. There are collection charges for this service.

It appears that the ex is the one who has opted for CMS collections so in these circumstances it’s standard for them to contact her to see if she is willing to switch to direct payment. DS would be 90 per month better off and ex wouldn’t have £18 deducted from her own payments. I can’t comment on whether that’s feasible because direct payments depend on whether the NPR is reliable in making the payments.

All I ask is that you remember this on future threads @ThreadGuardDog when as has been mentioned by multiple posters on this one thread - you become absolutely dogmatic that the OP can not be questioned or doubted. You end up utterly dominating threads 90% of which is ordering posters not to question or to re read.

It would seem on this one at least - you are beginning to see that questioning and sometimes doubting and being skeptical is not a crime.

Fingers crossed this sees a change in your approach to Mumsnet. It will be welcomed by many

Are you going to keep on like this ? I’m not scolding - at least that’s not my intention and sincere apologies if that’s the way I come across.

My background is in disability support. Twenty years of it. The toll exacted on families of those with mental health problems is terrible. I’ve been personally involved with many families who have been torn apart by their loved ones attempting suicide - some of whom were successful, and some of whom ended up sectioned and hospitalised, as in OP’s case. So of course my kneejerk reaction is to support because that’s who I am and what I did for so long.

The main reason I was so active on this thread was because there were so many posters just not bothering to read updates and posting awful comments towards an OP clearly - or so I thought - in a very distressing situation. There’s clearly more here than meets the eye, and as I said, unfortunately we only ever get one side of any story. But I’m still not convinced that OP is lying or underhand, or any of the other things she’s been accused of here. But on reflection I can’t offer up any evidence to support that other than gut feeling based on experience. I’m sorry if those on the thread think that makes me a bad person and even sorrier if I’ve offended.

👏🏼 👏🏼

CMS have said that they will contact his ex and try to get him to pay directly to her

so if this really is your area @ThreadGuardDog - you will know that this is absolute fiction

Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story.

and yesterday - anyone dare suggest this - would get scolded by you.

Where was I ‘screaming’ exactly ? I only commented here because clearly I’m shite at hiding threads and a comment popped up about CMS - I commented because it’s my area of knowledge and before I realised what thread it actually was. I post as I see and what I saw was a distressed OP whose son was clearly in trouble with his mental health, and whose thread was being derailed by several posters who weren’t bothering to read updates or understand the issues. If that makes me an awful person then so be it. Yes clearly something is amiss here but as is the norm on MN we only ever get one side of the story. More’s the pity.

They have said that they will contact his ex and try to get him to pay directly to her as when payments go through the cms he pays £90 and she gets £90 deducted so the children will be better off by £150 a month, but she has to agree to that.

and if she has any sense - she won’t agree to
anything outside of CMS managing this.

Oh and not a bloody chance CMS will ring her to try to persuade her to go outside of their services. Honestly

She is currently in the Uk and supporting her son

Well knock me down with a feather… @ThreadGuardDog isn’t screaming at us and berating posters but instead beginning to come around to the idea that maybe there is quite a bit more to this

She does say he has dyslexia which could be a contributing factor, added to which she lives in a different country. Agree though, something isn’t right.

If the Op is getting confused with the figures - it is because her DS is feeding her incorrect information

Agree. I think OP is getting very confused with the figures. If CMS collect the payments the paying parent has to pay an extra 20% of total child support in fees. At £450 this would be £90, so OP was correct. But the receiving resident parent is only charge 4% of the total. This would amount to £18. Not £60.

You don’t live in the Uk @Wokeuptired ?