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AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

387 replies

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 10:56

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 25/09/2026 11:15

I didn’t think CMS deducted straight from wages, I thought it was up to the dad to pay/transfer the money?

if your son has a court mandated deduction from salary then things must have been going on a long time to get to that point.

Rhaidimiddim · 25/09/2026 11:15

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 10:56

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

Who do you expect to pay for his children? Who does he expect to pay fir his children?

Passaggressfedup · 25/09/2026 11:14

He didn't pay when he should have, accumulated arrears and now CMS have taken it back as he has a job. It won't be every month.

Saying that I do feel for him. It can be really hard as a single male to survive and if court and solicitors fees are going to have a big impact.

He dors need to pay for his kids though. Any chance that you can help him, this month, and then with legal fees?

BreezyClouds · 25/09/2026 11:13

I thought a backlog was cleared at a reasonable rate, although of course there should never have been a backlog. When and why did he stop paying? If when he was sick and not earning surely his contribution was supposed to be 0 at that point?

The backlog is the issue, how big and how long til it's cleared.

Note - what mum earns is irrelevant.

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:13

QueenOfAccountability · 25/09/2026 11:08

So CMS are deducting £700 a month leaving your ds with £500 a month? So he's earning £1200 a month? Are you sure thats right?

£700 a month for the child maintenance plus another £1000 for back payments and my son is left with £500 a month as his wages are around £2500-£2800 before tax etc.
Obviously the £1000 back payments would be paid off in 9 months but he can't pay next month's rent. He asked CMS if they could just take an extra £300 a month but they said no.

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 25/09/2026 11:12

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/09/2026 11:09

It says they also took £1000 back pay, so £2200

That was a one off though, the £1000

DaisyChain505 · 25/09/2026 11:11

Surely that’s just a big payment due to him missing previous payments. He’s not going to be expected to pay that every month unless he earns a hell of a lot of money which clearly he doesn’t.

Help him out with the back log and then he can get back on track paying the normal payment.

You say he treats her eldest as his own, I hope to God he hasn’t been silly enough to pay CMS for him too?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/09/2026 11:09

QueenOfAccountability · 25/09/2026 11:08

So CMS are deducting £700 a month leaving your ds with £500 a month? So he's earning £1200 a month? Are you sure thats right?

It says they also took £1000 back pay, so £2200

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:09

CremeDeMure · 25/09/2026 11:02

I am sorry he is struggling. However, he has children. He has a duty to support them financially. I doubt his ex went to CMS for the entertainment value. She was probably desperate herself. If his mental health is that poor, he needs to see his GP.

He is under his G.P and the crisis team at the hospital, he is not wanting to pay for the children but while he only has £500 to live on a month his ex is bringing in over 3k a month, how is that fair?
If he loses his home he won't be able to have his children overnight. It's all so messy and their is only so much we can do that's why I have put it on here as I'm desperate to help him.

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 25/09/2026 11:08

So CMS are deducting £700 a month leaving your ds with £500 a month? So he's earning £1200 a month? Are you sure thats right?

CremeDeMure · 25/09/2026 11:02

I am sorry he is struggling. However, he has children. He has a duty to support them financially. I doubt his ex went to CMS for the entertainment value. She was probably desperate herself. If his mental health is that poor, he needs to see his GP.

frozendaisy · 25/09/2026 11:01

How much can you give him?
Or extended family?

Anyone to cover the backlog and then he can pay whomever back over a longer period