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Original poster

AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

387 replies

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 10:56

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

OP posts:
Snoken · 25/09/2026 11:28

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:26

CMS will use his gross income to calculate, and I’ve used the net figure you’ve given us so it will differ a bit. But he still will not have a calculation of £700.

It simply isn’t true.

Show quote history

Agreed. I guess your son is on about 32K a year, with 2 kids who never stay with him he would owe about £450/month, but as previous poster said, that is only when he has been working. If he was without income he would have owed almost nothing. He is either lying about the numbers or CMS has got i wrong somehow and he would need to go back to them to sort this out.

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:28

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:24

I have seen all the paperwork, we can't see how it's right either as it doesn't add up, but cms says it's correct, should he call then again? And what should he say?

Show quote history

Then suspect he has faked it, to get money out of you. And CMS use an online portal now, so he wouldn’t be getting letters? Unless it’s the first contact he has had from them.

He can log in to the portal and send a message laying out his salary, and what the online calculator says he should be to show that it isn’t £700. He can also discuss a different payment plan but since CMS simply would not take £1000 extra and leave him with nothing, it simply isn’t true. He is lying to you.

mustreadmorebooks · 25/09/2026 11:28

If he was paying what he owed when working and told them when he wasn’t he shouldn’t have built up arrears so it would be worth checking how that figure has been calculated. It doesn’t matter whether his ex still demanded it whilst he was out of work or not, CMS would not expect it. Also he should not be paying for the eldest and whether he would like to or not it’s probably not the right thing for him at the moment. £700 out of a salary of about £32,000 sounds too much as 2 children with no shared care would usually be about 15% so about £400.

LondonPapa · 25/09/2026 11:28

CremeDeMure · 25/09/2026 11:02

I am sorry he is struggling. However, he has children. He has a duty to support them financially. I doubt his ex went to CMS for the entertainment value. She was probably desperate herself. If his mental health is that poor, he needs to see his GP.

She doesn’t sound desperate. @Wokeuptired is he also paying for the child that isn’t his? If so, challenge CMS asap.

Catza · 25/09/2026 11:27

The figures don't make any sense compared to his monthly salary and the fact that he was unemployed between December and March. No sense at all.
You are not getting a full picture here.

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:26

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:22

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

Edited

CMS will use his gross income to calculate, and I’ve used the net figure you’ve given us so it will differ a bit. But he still will not have a calculation of £700.

It simply isn’t true.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 25/09/2026 11:26

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:22

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

Edited

This. It’s not adding up.

CanYouComeUp · 25/09/2026 11:25

None of those numbers make sense

StarPyjamas · 25/09/2026 11:25

Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:21

He can't move in with us as we are not local to him. I don't want to be too outing .

Can he not get a job in your area?

Seriously, if I thought my son might kill himself I'd be doing everything I could to persuade him to move back in with me.

QueenOfAccountability · 25/09/2026 11:25

As a couple of other PP have pointed out, the numbers here just don't stack up. I don't think your son is telling you the truth. Could he just be trying to get money out of you?

cadburyegg · 25/09/2026 11:24

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:22

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

Edited

This

Sounds like your son is telling porkies

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 25/09/2026 11:24

Your son can’t afford to live independently right now - can he move back with you?

CremeDeMure · 25/09/2026 11:24

Her income has no bearing on his responsibility. CMS is based on his income not hers.

There is something off about all the numbers you are giving so I suspect he is being economical with the truth.

Original poster
Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:24

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:22

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

Edited

I have seen all the paperwork, we can't see how it's right either as it doesn't add up, but cms says it's correct, should he call then again? And what should he say?

OP posts:
Imaginingdragonsagain · 25/09/2026 11:24

@Merrybandofpirates I agree.

Merrybandofpirates · 25/09/2026 11:22

For the time he was unemployed, his CMS payments would be zero (or £7 a week if on benefits). So, where have the arrears come from? To have £9000 in arrears, he must have missed years of payments.

Also, his standard payment without arrears is £700. He had to be a high earner for that. He is taking home plenty each month of his calculation is £700 a month. You say he is earning £2200 a month? Then his payment would be 16% of that. About £350. Not £700.

Your figures are simply not correct. You aren’t getting the full story here.

*If the third child is on the claim (shouldn’t be) then it is 19%. Still no where near £700 a month.

You need to get the facts, because what you’ve posted simply isn’t true.

Original poster
Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:21

He can't move in with us as we are not local to him. I don't want to be too outing .

OP posts:
SaySomethingMan · 25/09/2026 11:21

Wow thats a lot of money! He needs to
make sure the older one is not involved in the calculation. He needs to survive.
We hear on here all the time how little mums are paid from
CMS. How can they think &500 is enough to live on?

Imaginingdragonsagain · 25/09/2026 11:21

Are you sure he’s telling truth as those numbers don’t seem to stack up. You said 9 months at 1000 per month which is about a year of his missing the normal £700 monthly payment. If they’ve only been split 2 years and he hasn’t worked some of that time how has he built such a big backlog. And £700 seems a lot for his current salary anyway.

Ally886 · 25/09/2026 11:21

Rhaidimiddim · 25/09/2026 11:15

Who do you expect to pay for his children? Who does he expect to pay fir his children?

Show quote history

Well no one if he's brown bread?

People focus so much on a mum needing the money, they don't consider what she'd do if she didn't have means of getting it. Thick as two short planks is an understatement.

OP - I would say he needs a year for him to get back on his feet to then re - start the CMS.

I really think that's the best case for the children in this circumstance. I've seen how this pans out

Original poster
Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:20

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/09/2026 11:16

Does his CMS payment cover the older child . I know you said he wants to include her still.
But that child has a father somewhere .

His ex should not be refusing him access to his DC, often trotted out on MN but children are not "Pay Per View"

To be honest I'm not sure if he is paying for the older child, i know he was last year when he paid her directly.
But he really doesn't want to give up working as he wants to be able to support his children but he can't live on £500 a month for the next 9 months. And we can't afford to give him £9000.

OP posts:
StarPyjamas · 25/09/2026 11:18

If you're worried your son is going to kill himself, I'd suggest persuading him to move back home with you.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/09/2026 11:17

However much his x is bringing in each month is not relevant and none of your business.

What is relevant is he has CMS to pay, thus he has to pay it.

CMS deducted back pay - was he not paying the correct amount since Christmas, despite working properly since March ?

Is it only this month that back dated money will be taken, or does he still owe money ?

Is it always £700 a month when he earns £2,300 a month - that's more than 25% ?
How many children is he paying CMS for 2 or 3 ?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/09/2026 11:16

Does his CMS payment cover the older child . I know you said he wants to include her still.
But that child has a father somewhere .

His ex should not be refusing him access to his DC, often trotted out on MN but children are not "Pay Per View"

Original poster
Wokeuptired · 25/09/2026 11:16

We have credit cards and we are helping with some of his bills already just to take a bit of stress off him.

OP posts: