To not take less money from DS.

By going too easy on him he’s now settled with this attitude of feeling hard done by over a very small amount of money and not having any financial experience in having to give up some of a paycheck for bills, rent or savings.

He’s in for a big shock when he actually has to stand on his own two feet and pay his own way.

You are being anything but unreasonable, infact you are being too generous. I would start by finding out exactly what he is getting paid each month and what if anything else he actually has to pay for. I mean I would ask him to tell me, not demand to know, the fact of the matter is most people are feeling it, what with the cost of living always going north under this government and everything that moves being taxed or if it doesn't more taxed anyway if it stays still for more that two minutes. It's time he learned about fairness.

I’d increase it. When he said he was barely managing did you tell him he was being ridiculous? He’s not covering any of his own living costs so there’s nothing for him to be managing.

He needs a dose of reality. He's never going to be able to move out if he doesn't learn to manage his money better. My mam was so strict when we started working. We had to pay up, do all our own laundry and help with cleaning and cooking meals. If the bills went up because we were using extra heating/ electricity then we were charged more. We all hated it at the time but once we moved out we were well used to budgeting and managing a household.

He'll still be sitting in your spare room gaming unitl he's 30. I'd say it goes up an amount every year so that in time it's better for him to move out.

£10 per week?
I think you're not helping him live in the real world. He needs to kneel jwo much things cost. £40 won't cover anything.

I think in your shoes OP, I would prepare a list of all of your monthly expenses, gas, electric, water, TV licence, council tax, food, car, etc. and then sit down with him and ask him how much he thinks these things cost. Write down the figures he gives you, and then show him how much it really costs. When he's picked himself up off the floor, tell him that his £40 a month, is nowhere near enough, and if you want to, tell him how much spending money you're left with once you've paid all your outgoings, and compare it to his £600. Hopefully by that time, he will have realised that what he's currently giving you is just a drop in the ocean, and at the rate he's going he'll never be able to afford to run a car, let alone live as well. Then between you work out a figure that you BOTH think is reasonable. It's time for him to have a wake up call OP!

Like everyone else, including you, he has three options in this kind of situation: (1) increase his incomings, (2) reduce some of his outgoings so he can shift the existing money to the things he's currently missing or (3) organise to seize and hold the means of production so that all resources may be equally shared by all members of the proletariat.

He doesn't get it, OP, you have him ruined in the nicest possible way. Time to put your foot down!

FML - I was paying £15 a week in 1982!! And I was only taking home £28.

Tell him if he thinks it's too much to leave and find himself somewhere else to live for £40 a month. Help him pack. As a concession tell him he doesn't need to pay for the broadband after he's left, you'll cover it.

Sure he is young but is coming from a place of ignorance with absolutely no idea of that living actually costs. It reminds me of how outraged I was when I discovered I would only be paid for my holiday job from the time my shift started rather for the hours I had left the house.

How would you feel about going through the bills with him, so that he gets some ideas of the costs. And then getting him to work out how much he would need to earn, to again have some £600 after paying the bills? And how much he might think about saving, too.

Rather than just arguing about some arbitrary amount he should contribute? I reacted much better to having things spelt out rather than just being given a cost. Hope it goes well.

OP, he should be paying more when things are so tight for you.
He will get some fright when he moves out.
My eldest was ordering food left right and centre UNTIL he moved out.
Now its a treat.

He needs a bit of the real world.

Id be taking £150-200 off him at least tbh

He needs a reality check.
Break down for him what it costs an adult to live and tell him if he thinks he can live cheaper than what you are asking him to contribute then he should feel free to give it a go.

£40 a month is ridiculously low and he's delusional that he's not managing on £600+ spending money. He's probably got more to himself right now than he'll ever have in his lifetime unless he gets a very good job. How does he expect to run a car if he's spending all his money without the expense of running one? Is he hoping to get a car and how will he pay for that?

He should be paying you more like £2-300 pm, which probably won't even cover the cost of his food and extra utilities and loss of single adult council tax discount. He should also be saving a similar amount for when he moves out and also towards a car etc. That will still leave him money to spend.

Where has this expectation of being able to freely spend hundreds of pounds a month and then some come from, given that it sounds like you're not a high earner?

He should be paying you £100 a week if he is working. There is nowhere else that he could live for that amount with bills included. He should also be buying his own expensive food, stop buying it for him.

You need to start charging more and he needs to get a better job. Subsidising while he’s a student is one thing, but at this point he needs to become independent.

So he effectively it’s £70 a month? That’s not much at all. I’d think £200 would be fairer plus he should put £200 away in savings, more when he has a bumper month.

Dear God, 50 years ago I paid my mother 25% of my take home pay, which was £30 a month... let that sink in, 50 years ago.... Your next conversation with him is that he should also be doing similar although I think that rent without bills is currently a third of his salary. You need to deal with this asap otherwise you will be unleashing a cocklodger onto the world.

People get really grabby on here about money, it’s quite eye opening. Someone even suggested he’d to pay a share of your costs.

work out what extra he costs you op, and then tell him that’s the cost he needs to pay.

This kid is gonna get a big shock when he moves out and has to pay his own rent, food and bills; and then sees what’s left - there will be no Deliveroo every night!

Very sensible

My 24yr old has just received his first monthly wage from his apprenticeship. He's on just over £1100 after deductions and I have laid out my expectations that he puts £300 per month into his lifetime isa and gives me £300 per month. He's left with just over £500 to pay for diesel, incidentals and his social life - he thinks he'll be OK on that..

He needs to give you more money, OP.

My DD did the same, she ended up staying home for uni and my bills suddenly rocketed - she decided to do it fully online so suddenly I had an adult at home all day, heating all day, all meals at home and insanely long showers with only my wage and obviously no child benefit etc.
A few months in (maybe a year) I caved in and asked for £20/week. She was fuming but it had to be done, even with that money I was struggling.

She’s now finished uni and chose to move out instead of helping me more. I can’t lie, it stung that she’d rather pay over double what I’d ask but I’m also happy she’s growing and doing things on her own.