AIBU to stop helping neighbours after they involved their son?

I’m sorry I don’t know what that means.

Would there be posters up in the OP’s work warning people about him if it was 20 years ago?

She's in the US.

And if not in the public domain OP will have put herself in a very vulnerable position because she found out about their son via her work. There will be data protections and confidentiality in place to protect from exactly the kind of thing OP is doing. In my profession it’s gross misconduct and instant dismissal.

This is what I was wondering. How long after a conviction does someone count as being high risk of reoffending.

They have got me some small gifts from their holidays a few times. They have done that about 5 times over the years. I really don’t mind having anything in return, that’s not why I do it. It’s just the awful realisation that they just don’t respect me as a person at all. I can’t imagine putting someone in such a vulnerable position. I’m sure the chances of me being attacked are low, but still, he has done it multiple times before.

Do you mean YANBU?

If she asks and you decide to speak just say it’s common knowledge that he is a sex offender and you were happy to help until they said he would be present.

If it’s in the public domain then people will be aware and some will remember it from when it occurred.

Honestly, thank you! I think I needed to hear this. Sometimes I’m terrible at drawing boundaries with people. It’s strange though because I can be very outspoken when I need to be.

Are you absolutely sure of your facts- sure you’ve got the right person etc? And is there any chance this could cause trouble for you at work?

I would probably just say I’m not able to help anymore so it’s great news their son can do it. Ditto next time.

I work in criminal justice what do you mean by level 3 sex offender? If it was 20 years ago he won't be a current MAPPA nominal and that's the only place I am aware of levels and categories he'd have been cat 1 anyway

This is what I was wondering. How long after a conviction does someone count as being high risk of reoffending.

They have got me some small gifts from their holidays a few times. They have done that about 5 times over the years. I really don’t mind having anything in return, that’s not why I do it. It’s just the awful realisation that they just don’t respect me as a person at all. I can’t imagine putting someone in such a vulnerable position. I’m sure the chances of me being attacked are low, but still, he has done it multiple times before.

I’ve been helping out my neighbors for around 3 years now. They go on holiday about 5-7 times each year. I have always helped them out for free because I’m genuinely not bothered about a payment.

It started off really easy. At first I just fed the cat, changed its water and scooped the litter tray. Then they added treats to this, fine easy. Then they added putting the bins out. Then they added watering the plants on the front and back porch. Then they got 3 huge flower beds installed so I also had to water those. Then the cat needed medication. This was a step too far and I said that I wasn’t going to do that again, but that I was still willing to help everything else.

Anyway, moving on to last year. Through my job I found out that their adult son is a level 3 sex offender. At first I was absolutely horrified and wasn’t sure what to do. As he doesn’t live there, and very rarely ever visits, and any know convictions were from 20 years ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to hold it against them so I didn’t say anything.

Moving forward to Tuesday night and the neighbors ask me to cat sit on Thursday. They only ever give me a few days notice when they are going away as they know I’ll look after the cat. Anyway, they said that another neighbor was going to come and do the medication and could I do everything else. I’m guessing that they still wanted me to do the rest so that they didn’t have to pay the other lady. I was fine with that and agreed. However, an hour later they then text again and said that she could no longer do it and that their son (name) was going to do the medication instead. I said I absolutely was not going to visit the cat if he was going to be there.

So here’s my issue. They were willing to have me, a lone woman, shut inside a house with a bloody level 3 sex offender. All the while with them thinking that I’m blissfully unaware that he’s some disgusting human being. Surely even if you’ve personally forgiven your child for their crimes, you still have a duty of care not to put a lone woman in a vulnerable position?! I’m wanting to post the key back and never help them again. I couldn’t sleep on Tuesday night and my behavior was extremely erratic yesterday, because I just kept wondering how the hell someone could do that me, even more so when I’ve done so much for them.

So why does part of me feel guilty for not helping them ever again? Really I know that I’m not being unreasonable, but I still have this stupid guilty thing that is niggling at me.

You can easily change your vote. Just tap the other bar that you meant to click.

I’ve accidentally clicked that you are being unreasonable and I do apologise because you are absolutely not at all. I’m so sorry that they put you in this position.