To ask for your best responses to ‘gender disappointment’

It's a perfectly normal conversation starter and it's nice people are showing an interest in your views on this. I'd try to be grateful for that.

Perhaps you're being sensitive for a reason you're not aware of yet.

To answer your question, you could try deflecting or getting ahead of those comments by starting with something like: we have been told we're expecting XYZ, and we've fielded a lot of well-meaning interest regarding our babies' gender - we're thrilled we're having two girls/boys and would love to focus now on any tips or advice anyone has, or maybe suggestions for great deals on nappies / clothes / cots (insert relevant topics!! Can't help you here!). Basically: change the subject while you announce the gender.

I think it’s incredibly rude to ask if you’re disappointed about your own baby.
I’d just say “Of course not!”
What is wrong with people?

I think this too.

Of course a healthy baby is the highest priority.

After that it is very common for parents to have a preference for a particular gender so that they get to experience raising both a boy and a girl.

Just because many of us have this preference does not mean we’re not grateful to have a healthy baby!

Both can be true at the same time.

Just wanted to add:

If anybody did say anything negative about my two girls I’d reply “I’m not disappointed, I absolutely love it!”

People say annoying stuff. When I'd had my second and turned up at playgroup with my 3 year old daughter and the new baby, also a girl, in her pram, one of the helpers asked me what 'flavour' I'd had ! I thought that was a disgusting comment.

Sometimes I do think people just say anything for something to say.

However this is quite an insensitive remark in this day and age, and I wouldn’t be shy about giving a blunt response

Surely only if your life is so dull that whether a baby is a boy or a girl is the most suspenseful and surprising thing going on in it? I mean, it's 50/50! Either way is a 'That's nice!' moment.

Pre-empt them: 'We're SO delighted it's another boy/girl.We have all the clothes and toys and they will be great playmates. Really relieved."

If anyone says anything after that, they are winding you up.

I have two girls. Nobody has ever said anything negative about it. I would be interested to know if women who have two boys get negative comments more than women with two girls. I have a feeling they do.

Honestly, it wouldn’t have bothered me if anybody did say something because I’ve never felt that ‘one of each’ was the ideal.

My SIL is having her second and we all know she’s having a girl. The whole pregnancy and waiting 6 months has just become boring for everyone but the parents, that’s all.

It’s so much better when we only know they are pregnant and not the sex of the baby until arrival day.

I don’t understand why you’d keep it secret. I mean, it’s not like it’s a surprise either way. Pretty much 50/50 boy or girl. It’s not going to involve you saying ‘Oh, we just heard it’s kittens!’

🤣🤣🤣 This

i understand some folk want to know the sex of their unborn but I just don’t understand telling all and sundry. I’ve two girls and any comments about not having a boy are met with a similar response to yours @teawamutuSame when I get comments about the age gap, in fact that one irritates me more as my two have always got along and are great pals. I’m bloody thrilled with my two and feel very lucky that we had them fairly straightforwardly despite not starting until I was in my late 30s.

Just make it awkward.

”Aren’t you disappointed”
”Yes bitterly so”

or

“didn’t you want one of each”
“yes, so we’re going to raise them as a girl anyway” if it’s 2 boys….

I had this when I told people I was expecting DS2. My response was "after two miscarriages in six months I am delighted to be this far along with what appears to be a healthy baby. His sex is completely irrelevant" <Paddington stare>

Cue a few gapes and shifty mumbles.

Would have loved one of each originally tbh but what we went through, plus the absolute awesomeness of DS2 and the lovely, loving bond he has with ds1 make me realise everything turned out exactly as it should be.

Good luck!

This is a great response! Wish I’d had thought of this in the past. 😄

Some people are such assholes.

When one of my parents best friends commented how disappointed I must be, I asked "Which of my beautiful and perfect sons do you suggest I swap for a girl?"

My Dad laughed and said "Too bloody right! That told you, Brian. Think before opening your gob next time."

This and it would stop everyone sticking their noses in too.

You'd think adults would realise that all long is the baby is healthy and well that's all that matters.

If it bothers you this much you clearly do have an issue with it. Otherwise just answer honestly 'no I am delighted. Obviously I would be happy with either sex, but i secretly wanted same sex' or if you don't want to disclose just say 'No I am delighted to be having another child of either sex'

I am one of 3 girls and when I had my first baby, a boy, multiple people said to me "I bet your Dad is pleased it's a boy!" Yes, finally after 30 years of only having daughters he FINALLY has a grandson 🙄

It actually also irritated me just how thrilled some family members were when my second was a girl "oh I was SO hoping you'd have a girl this time" - I had 2 miscarriages between my first and my second and so I was just relieved to have a healthy baby. Maybe I was being sensitive but it just made me wonder if they would have been disappointed if it was a boy. Why does it matter!

Yes, definitely not small talk in their case. The ‘You must be really upset, it’s ok to admit it! Men don’t understand because they want boys!’ thing went on for weeks, if not months! I think partly because they couldn’t do the ‘Better luck next time’ thing because we wouldn’t be having more children.

And I should say again that these are two sane, nice women I’d always got on well with! They simply couldn’t accept I didn’t view with future as the mother of an only son as some kind of tragedy.😃

I am so sorry to hear this. People can be so thoughtless. -That is worse than thoughtless though. Sounds like she had her own preferences but honestly you don’t let that show ! 😟😕 You’re so lucky to have two lovely boys. 💕💕

I am so glad this is being talked about!

I absolutely hated this. We have all the same gender and in response to telling people I got all sorts including, ‘oh no! Not another one!’ And ‘your poor husband.’ (As I was just coming through 18 solid weeks of relentless morning sickness 😒)

It’s something I personally hate and think people need to do better at considering their responses to this situation. I had a couple of people say ‘oh, congratulations! ‘ and that meant a lot at what was a really fragile time for me for various reasons.

Thanks for raising it.

I didn't have my dks the standard 2 years apart for many reasons..I had complete strangers comment on the age gaps. Gender,I would tell them is a man made construct. Babies usually come in one of 2 sexes,boy or girl.

Heh. Yep.

Also it genuinely is just (irritating) small talk. No-one really cares what your babies are, I'm afraid!

ETA that maybe I'm wrong, because:
God, I remember this when we had DS, whom we knew would be our only child. My two otherwise nice and sane SILs were all over me with sympathy: ‘Are you gutted, ‘I’m so sorry, Bletting! It’s just the roll of the dice isn’t it?’, and ‘You’ll get over it in time!’ as though we’d just discovered a serious genetic condition in utero!

Jeeze.