To ask for your best responses to ‘gender disappointment’

My aunt had three boys, she always says she would not know what to do if they handed her a girl.

Other come backs.

Well we think he will be non binary?

We didn't want the expense of buying new clothes, this one can wear hand me downs.

Only my 'boy' fallopian tube works (my grandmother was convinced this was why my aunt only had boys).

Disappointed? I will be if he turns out to be a twat like you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

What ridiculous reasons to not want to raise a girl!

People are stupidly insensitive Op. We had seven years of when are you going to start a family and about seven more of when are you going to have a second? We never did.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and block out the background noise. People will always find a way to dampen the joy.

@Mountainpika i guess the thing is if I posted a thread saying something like If I had the choice I’d have a girl. Tractors and dinosaurs, no thanks! Misogyny and fights in teen years are not for me. I’ll stick with my pretty pink princess I’d get absolutely roasted! Yet it’s acceptable to sort of do that in reverse.

Ultimately we have no control over the sex of our children. We can decide to a point the size of our family but not the sex or the order those sexes come in. I did badly want a girl so I’m not standing in any sort of judgement here just noticing there’s a double standard here and not one I like.

It might sound as if I minded, but I didn't at all. Given a choice I would have had a second boy - but I wouldn't have been upset had I had a girl. I'd have had to learn!
And of course, when I was a child, ( born 1947) there were much more rigid divisions between boys and girls. Dolls for girls, cars, Meccano, trains for boys. At school, needlework for girls and woodwork for boys. I would have preferred woodwork. Although later I made my own clothes, both sewing and knitting, and for my boys and husband.
Thank goodness things are more even now.

And actually, when our baby grandson was on the way last year.. , I was hoping for a girl.
But my original point was that I never liked the assumption that I was disappointed not to have one of each. I wasn't.

Besides, so what if a girl likes makeup?

My DD is only little so it could well change but she’s very into nails and jewellery. I honestly don’t know why as I’m not but she loves playing with toy nail polish sets and if a friend visits with nice nails she’s fascinated,

Shes still quite nice, you know? And as for what i do with her, I just love her and raise her, just like I do my ds.

Happily these days there's a lot more to many young women than interest in make up, famous people and throwing strops. And it's quite the leap from not liking your mum's friends to not being able to relate to you own daughter, 2 generations later.

That is literally the opposite of what you said Girls - I wouldn't have known what to do with them if they'd been 'girly' girls. Make-up? A complete mystery to me. Pop culture? Equal mystery. Temperamental teenagers? No thanks. Boys suited me very well. Both now adults

That sounds like you’d have minded very much indeed, tbh.

Also you can easily recycle all your first child’s clothes!

I certainly did. And a few months ago I gave a small pair of dungarees and a shirt both of which I'd made for younger son back in 1979, to him and his partner for their son, now aged 7 months. Daughter-on-law was delighted.
In contrast, someone I know knitted a cardigan or something for her nephew's first child. She gave it to them and the mother said, "Thank you but we only have designer clothes for her." The knitter (maiden aunt) was very hurt.

When DS was born the midwife told me I had a girl when went off to clean him/her. About 30 seconds later she turned around with a face like a ghost and I thought something awful was about to come. She said 'I said girl didn't I? I'm so sorry, it's been a really tough shift' etc etc. In those 30 seconds or so Dh and I had named our girl. It's a funny story now but I did think how awful that would be for someone with a preferred gender and then I thought how ridiculous it is when people have a preferred gender. Being handed a healthy baby makes you a very lucky person indeed.

I wouldn't have minded either way with either child. It's just that I've never been a 'girly' girl. I just naturally relate better to males. Mum used to say I preferred Dad's male friends to her female ones. (Back then people had friends of the same sex. Mum had no male friends other than Dad's friends and vice versa. Things have changed!)

I never know on these threads why it’s acceptable to not want a girl but is completely unacceptable to not want a boy.

Given a choice I would have had a second son. He was. But people still said, "Another boy? Oh never mind." (Back then we didn't know till they were born if they were boys or girls.) Girls - I wouldn't have known what to do with them if they'd been 'girly' girls. Make-up? A complete mystery to me. Pop culture? Equal mystery. Temperamental teenagers? No thanks. Boys suited me very well. Both now adults with children of their own. And I have two lovely 'daughters'.

When I was pregnant with my second after my many miscarriages my mom kept telling me ' everyone needs a daughter ' and was quite clearly hoping I had a girl ( first was a boy and we didn't find out sex )

it annoyed me as she knew what I had gone through with the miscarriages so at the point I really didn't care what the sex was .

They are not really suffering from gender disappointment, they are just churning out familiar tropes like we do with the weather. I think pithy cutdowns are a bit OTT, there's no need to be unpleasant. "Oh no, we're thrilled" with a big smile should cover it.

This is why I didnt tell anyone
I therefore did not ask for nor get their unwanted opinion
Its much easier if you adopt this approach in life

People can't say anything anymore. It's just small talk. Why let it bother you? Telling someone essentially to fuck off is a really sad attitude, let's all be kinder to improve the world for the child you're bringing here.

You state ‘I prefer two children same gender’

Looks like you also have a preference then!

Fair. Maybe I’m not that overly interested at all.

Ugh people are so obsessed with baby’s gender! We had two of the same for a few years and had so many random strangers ask us if we were ‘going to try for a girl’. We did have a third baby but definitely not because we wanted a different gender. We actually expected to have another boy.

Our two boys are absolute best friends by the way, are into all the same things due to a small age gap (just under 2 years) and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Also you can easily recycle all your first child’s clothes! 😅

Thats a strange thing to say to me when im sharing my happy news with you.

I mean could you say something along those lines? I’ve had people ask me if I’m worried about gaining baby weight… knowing I’ve had endometriosis surgery, IVF and a miscarriage. This includes my mum 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. I said it’s been a battle to get here
and it’s not a priority or concern of mine, and I want to protect this pregnancy by eating well and not dieting which would be unhealthy. I had one person try to claim in response they were just asking if my bump was getting big yet 🤣. Yea right

I think the reality is people seem to have no social filter with pregnant women and can’t help but project their own mad hang ups or beliefs onto you

It’s the same with the “just wait until X Y Z” comments to pregnant women

Quite a lot of people are open and vocal about their gender preference, or not so open but bring it up in private conversations. Many consider it just a normal conversation

Not saying this makes it pleasant, I wouldn’t ever comment on gender not positively, but it’s hardly a deranged thing that requires an F off response

Depends how brutal you want to be....

"You're right, I'll get an abortion and try again for a different one"

"We are blessed, so it hurts that people sound disappointed about our news."

"We’ll make sure to let them know you wanted a different one"

"How pathetic that a unborn baby's genitals are enough to ruin your mood."