AIBU to feel like I am still faking being an adult?

I am also not a real adult. I feel you.

Yes!! I took my toddler to his first football class today and felt like a total dick. I just feel like a fake adult. I dont feel put together. I mentioned it to my mum and she reminded me what an adult (shite) year its been and I've done a lot of adulting!

I often feel like i'm faking being an adult especially as I approach my 40th birthday. I have a husband, no kids, a mortgage, i am half way through my second degree and I had a stable job till January last year when became too disabled to work. I remember looking at my Mum when she was my age and she seemed to have it all figured out. I am just coasting.

I think a lot of people feel like this. My DH is 13 years older than me, runs his own business and is a landlord. However, a couple of years ago we took somone to small claims court and won. When we came out DH exclaimed that he “felt like a proper grown up today!” 🤣

Have you ever had something really devastating happen to you? I’m 31 so a bit younger than you and I definitely used to feel like a child-adult. Then I had a really traumatic year (ongoing) and I’ve had to pull capability out of my arse and essentially overperform on every facet to keep my family going.

I don’t feel like a pretend adult anymore. I feel much more adulty than most people I know. Very serious and capable and like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders a lot.

I think I get what OP means but it’s more than just being unserious. It’s not just like “I’m bonkers I am, har har har har”. Often it’s not a very good feeling. For example, I feel like there is a very weird power dynamic at work. I’m in a fairly senior role but feel for some reason I feel like there is there’s this weird adult v child relationship between me and my bosses that goes beyond professional hierarchy (and which has developed because of my lack of confidence in the “adult” role).

I can add a horrific adulting experiment I had last week. Had an appointment with my new GP surgery - he called my name out and I kid you not he looked about 12. 13 at the most. I was thanking God I wasn't there to see him for anything gynae related. He was actually really nice but... I was in shock.

What does "being an adult" actually feel like, though? You just are an adult. Like everyone else with different personalities.
These threads pop up regularly, and I always think that people who say they don’t feel like the other grown-ups are probably either the type who defer to other people all the time, or they’re like Colin Hunt from The Fast Show.

Yes, my parents at my age were proper adults. I’m just the same as I was when I was a teenager, only in a knackered old body. And it’s got nothing to do with having fun and messing around, just lack of confidence and insecurities!

Same here!!

Going on 70. Not watched Bake Off or Strictly Dancing as yet, a day at a 'shopping village' would curl my toes up and would rather feed the ducks & look for pinecones than stop for lunch x

I don't really understand what you're feeling. Why is wanting to have a laugh with your friends 'non-adult' behaviour? Surely that's completely normal at any age.

Apart perhaps from in infancy, at all stages of life you have responsibilities to balance with a need for relaxation and fun. As an adult, your responsibilities increase and become more important but it isn't normal to have a life that's completely without fun.

I'm not saying this was your intention but 'Faking being an adult' does sound rather like social media nonsense, "I'm such a fun person, not like all the other dull adults around me."

Carry on as you are, you are completely normal, make sure you continue to take time for enjoying yourself and having a laugh because it would be unhealthy not to.

I have understood. I feel like a child inside most of the time and have imposter syndrome irt being an adult. But the comments about others appearing serious and boring, and not as fun and playful are beyond that imo.

How have you come to that conclusion 😆

I always feel like i need an adulter adult with me, especially now my eldest is in reception 😆 🤣 like can i bring MY mum to meetings orrrr?

It’s not either or though, my friend and I were discussing interest rates the other day because of mortgages fixes ended. Our solution was joining Only Feet & we spent some time coming up with usernames & what we do with our feet & what boundaries we would have. Our 63 yr old colleague then told us about a man she dated briefly who was obsessed with feet & we were having a good laugh.

This is like a humble brag that you’re more joyful and have a better sense of humour than other people. Perhaps the people around you are ground down by the daily grind or have childhood trauma or stressful things to deal with. Bit mean to label the people around you as boring and too serious.

@SmallDFartyCarNRG that’s odd & not something I have come across tbh.

This is completely normal, loads feel like this!

Good, I do wonder if we seem to be surrounded by people who cry at the mere thought of people dying or think talking about making a will is somehow wishing someone to die. I find it very odd.

My gran used to joke about a cardboard coffin to save money.

@SmallDFartyCarNRGmy mum & her friends say the same. It really isn’t unusual.