AIBU to ask how people stay slim without strict dieting?

An extra 100 calories a day is all it takes

i really can’t understand how anyone remains a steady weight - even though I do!

My DH has never dieted and has never been overweight in his life. His secret? Never drinking alcohol and being very active - not necessarily sports etc., but just generally on the move. He barely ever sits still - never stays sitting until he's got 2 or 3 things to do - he'll get up and do them straight away, so in an evening, instead of being sat on the sofa for a couple of hours then a burst of activity doing things, he'll be up and down whenever he thinks of something. We've also been into various things over the decades, such as country/coastal walking, cycling, skiing, golf, squash, tennis - never competitively, just for fun, just the two of us. Whilst I'm sat reading the paper, he'll have been out to mow the lawn, put the bins out, sweep up the decking, and washed a car! He literally never stops moving. He's the same at work - always on the go. At the same time, he'll happily stuff his face with food, never excess on the sugars/carbs, he likes his fruit and veg, and won't say no to chocolate and cake, but not to excess.

I'm around a size 8, gym/exercise a few times a week. Have a toddler and 2 older children so I'm quite busy naturally. I'm not really a breakfast person and tend to just snack throughout the day and have a regular dinner. (Although I aim for around 120g protein a day ) I also only really drink coffee and water 🤷

OP - you need to understand what works for you, your body and your circumstances.
no insulin spikes. no stress (low cortisol). Sleep. Exercise. But mainly - eat the right amount for your expenditure.
I love carbs. Cutting them out does not work for me, I get massive cravings and migraines if I cut them out. But I crave more if I do eat it - constant insulin spikes.
what does work is having a lot of protein early in the day so I am not hungry, and don’t crave sweets.
i do use protein powders in skyr or Greek yogurt to get to the right amount. I bake my own high protein bread to get that carb/ bread satisfaction. I do resistance training. And I log my food in AI and have it assess before dinner what macros, micros and calories are missing for dinner.
in my mum’s case… 2 packets of fags, 5 cups of coffee and a bottle of wine daily, but very little actual food…
skinny does not equal healthy.

I'm not sure I DON'T overeat! Or, to put it another way, I think a lot of people undereat. At least going by the shock on people's faces sometimes when I give them what I think is a perfectly normal portion.
Not to mention those who have a conniption if they've had lunch that day and I suggest they might want dinner, or the person on a weekend away recently who expressed disbelief that I was 'eating breakfast twice' (someone was making us all French toast with fruit, and I needed some plain toast with something savoury beforehand as sweet breakfast things on their own don't fill me up or give me lasting energy).

Exercise and calorie intake.

I eat once per day - a healthy large meal and sometimes pudding too. As soon as I try having more meals I put on weight - I have to hover between 800-1000 calories daily, any more than that and I am speedily gaining

Nobody will gain a stone in a year from adding one apple to their diet though

I don’t disbelieve you. I still think your body is able to naturally regulate what you eat meaning you stay slim. If your tendency was to overeat constantly then you probably wouldn’t be your weight.

it doesn’t take much - the difference between a stable weight and gaining a stone in a year is something like an additional apple a day

This is true. I've been a size 10 all my life apart from when i've been pregnant. I don't 'diet' or deliberately restrict myself, but I just don't really eat that much.

After my third baby I needed to shift a stone so I tracked calories for six months and it came off no probs and has stayed off. Now I always have in the back of my head the rough calorie count for things so I sort of subconsciously keep track as I go along and I know what an excessive day of eating looks like in terms of my calorie allowance. For example, my TDEE is 1600 calories a day. One chocolate digestive is 100 cals, a banana is 100 cals, a fistful of fusilli pasta is about 100g, which is about 300 cals, two heaped dessert spoons of greek yoghurt is about 100g, which is about 140 cals, etc, etc.

I'll have a couple of slices of toasted homemade bread for breakfast with a small amount of proper butter and marmite, then a banana mid-morning, lunch will be something like soup, an omelette, or houmous and pitta bread with cut up veggies, then dinner will be homemade chicken curry, spag bol, or similar, but a normal portion. If I do snack in between it'll be something like greek yoghurt or a bag of sweet/salty popcorn , or a couple of slices of malt loaf.

I don't really have a sweet tooth so don't eat many cakes or biscuits. I only drink a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, never drink fizzy drinks or squash, very rarely order takeaways (family of five = £70 at least!!). None of this feels like I'm depriving myself and I don't have to think about it when I'm doing it. But I suppose to people who do all those things, it would feel like deprivation and hard work.

Well, I don't know what else I can say. I can easily finish a large pizza to myself. I'll also eat lunch (typically a curry, a deli sandwich, or three scrambled eggs on two good slices of toast) and then have chocolate as an afternoon snack/after dinner (granted not huge chunks, a few squares). I cannot skip meals, and never do so unless I've got an upset stomach or similar.

I completely agree, i can't stand any form of shop bought cake or biscuit. I know that's going to sound so snobby, but it's true that junk food is addictive and when you cut it out of your diet the cravings go away. Then you can see all that crappy food for what it is and it's no longer appealing.

I will only eat cakes or biscuits if someone has baked them for an occasion.

I’ve met so many people who are slim and say they eat like horses and eat loads. They mainly don’t though when I observe them. My DP is slim. He eats big bars of chocolate, crisps, ice cream and pizza. However, he has a small appetite. I can easily finish a pizza to myself - he naturally has half and leaves the rest. He will have a big chunk of chocolate after dinner but then mention that work got stressful today so he forgot to have lunch. He naturally restrains himself - my instinct is to keep going or have a mindset that if I have eaten a bit of chocolate I might as well have the rest of it plus crisps and pizza and pasta. He doesn’t have that and overall, even though I try to avoid junk food where I can, he eats fewer calories than I do. He has an off switch, I don’t and I think a lot of people who tend towards being overweight don’t.

My oldest friend eats what she wants when she wants, drinks often, is pretty sedentary and never gains weight. She is a size 8. She has been the same size since we were 15 (now mid 40s).

To maintain a healthy weight, I have to be very mindful of what I eat and exercise regularly.

We’re all different, our brains and bodies work differently, there is no secret formula (unfortunately!).

If we are regarding slim as a healthy weight, maybe towards lower end of the healthy BMI range ie NOT underweight, then there are very, very many people who are quite able to maintain that healthy weight. They consume what their body needs - ie. not a low amount (relative to their needs).

See I don't regard the way my body naturally balances out its needs over a week as dieting (actively trying to lose weight). If I eat little the day following a big meal, it's not a conscious decision or me trying to diet. Maybe others would see it that way.

most thin people don’t eat that much. The ones who claim to eat loads don’t really, as they might have a big chocolate bar but will then skip dinner and things like that.
I dunno, I'm slim (not thin though) at 5' 10" and about 9.5 stone, and I eat three decent meals a day plus snacks (sometimes chocolate/biscuits/crisps, but sometimes more sensible ones like granola with fruit or crackers and cheese!). I can't skip meals without feeling peculiar, and a stomach upset is my worst nightmare as I can't eat for a few days and start to feel really feeble and underfed.
I don't count calories, so I don't know how many I eat, but if I cook for people they often say my portion sizes are big/too big.

I am not naturally thin so I don’t have any personal tips but I’ve been quite shocked at seeing how little some people eat, both on here and tiktok. Loads of people genuinely eat just one proper meal a day and keep their calories low. My appetite is far too big for that but a lot of people have small appetites or are able to suppress them (I genuinely can’t). But yeah most thin people don’t eat that much. The ones who claim to eat loads don’t really, as they might have a big chocolate bar but will then skip dinner and things like that. I think a lot of it is genetic as to whether you’re someone prone to gaining weight and it’s quite hard to fight against your natural tendencies.

Not true in my case

I think most people would go for the run before the meal (stodgy or otherwise).

I suppose there is a difference between an extremely bad diet of processed or stodgy food and little else, and the kind of diet that includes normal amounts of all sorts of food without any sort of calorie-counting or tracking going on. All I know is that I do the latter without paying much attention - food is a joy to me and that's it - but I'm also slim with visible abs because I exercise.

I eat what I want but I’m really active. I don’t drive so I walk everywhere, at home workouts with yoga and body weight exercises, go to the gym, indoor bouldering, go on hikes, enjoy a pint or 3 at the end, plus I love vegetables and don’t really snack at all. My legs are very strong and my calves are huge but I’m a size 8. I’ve been basically the same size since I was 12, give or take, since I’m 4’8”. I gained a lot of weight when I was drinking every day but I’ve cut down massively.

Exactly.
I don't diet but I'm usually OK with just one meal a day. I don't get hungry unless I eat processed or high-GI food.

Stepwise I do about 25 miles per week.Snackwise fruit,crackers cheese in moderation.
Sweetwise Greek yoghurt.
Harder now I'm 60 I'm a size 12 but doing ok.

I guess it depends on what you consider to be 'missing out'. If you want to eat takeaway every night and constantly snack then not doing that will be missing out in your eyes. I don't want take away every night and I enjoy eating and cooking more healthy meals as they make me feel good. I don't eat low fat, or calorie count or deny myself anything. I cook and eat ordinary meals like spaghetti Bol, pasta dishes, risotto, pies, fish, chicken dishes, etc. I will eat a biscuit with a cuppa, a takeaway every few weeks, eat in a pub or restaurant about once a fortnight, have cake if there is some on offer, have wine and crisps at the weekend while watching TV. Everything in moderation I guess.

I think "you can't outrun a bad diet" is one of the more hare-brained things I read on MN regularly. Also the mindset that obsesses over weight rather than overall health.
Think what you like. I happen to believe it is true.

There's no way I'd want to go for a run after eating a huge stodgy meal, and the odd piece of cake doesn't make a bad diet.