AIBU to ask how people stay slim without strict dieting?

I'm active and enjoy how exercise makes me feel physically and mentally.

I am conscious of what I eat, but I don't diet. I generally eat at regular mealtimes, and I'm comfortable with feeling hungry sometimes, stopping when I'm full or skipping a meal if I'm not hungry. I do like chocolate and eat quite a bit, but I do factor it into my diet rather than having it as a snack. It helps that I also like fruit and veg.

I'm 51 now, and I do eat less than I did in my 20s; my metabolism has slowed, as everyone else's has.

I did gain 1.5 stone after both my kids; I didn't carry it well, felt very uncomfortable, and lost it quickly again, though this was not via a diet; I just got back into my usual exercise routine and eating habits, as they'd gone a bit cock-eyed through pregnancy and the first month or so after.

I love food and think about food a lot. I love experimenting with cooking and often day dream about what I will be making for tea that night. If I’m busy I don’t get the urge to snack but if I’m working fork home I’m often craving biscuits and chocolate etc. I try to mainly snack on fruit but the odd biscuit or chocolate is fine. I have manger to teach myself that one is enough and don’t tend to have more than that. Dinners are also mainly home cooked from scratch.

As I have also said in a previous post I’m very active. My body needs to be well fuelled so I can’t go without food but you actually need a lot less calories than many people think.

Eat slowly, don't eat for the sake of eating and stop when you're full. Snack on fruit and veg not cakes and biscuits. It's not that tricky
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I have always had breakfast. A small amount of porridge with water, yogurt and nuts and seeds.

This. My resting calories burned in a day are less than 1400 and running 10k only brings me to just under 2000 burned in a day. A gym class only brings me to about 1600.

You have to do a lot of exercise before it means you can eat a lot without gaining weight. Going by 2000 calories day day for the “average” woman just doesn’t work, many people simply don’t need that many and they will gain weight.

I sometimes think it’s the first diet you do that messes you up. If you just restrict calories heavily you lose some weight but you also lose muscle mass so your TDEE goes down slightly making it easier to regain then you do it again and lose more muscle mass and your TDEE goes down again and so on and so on. I think most people would be slimmer if they just hadn’t done that first diet and introduced a scarcity mindset and less muscle.

Also sleep, I don’t think I personally get enough sleep. Plus protein and fibre, so people who enjoy veg are probably more satiated. I do think family makes a difference, if you generally have an active environment where movement is encouraged it seems normal to you. We are a lot less sloth like since DC because we want to make sure they are getting enough exercise which means we also have to be up and out.

I have 2 stone to lose and I’m just lifting weights now to try to build some muscle. Problem is I’m bloody starving, like a black hole but I figure in the longterm it’s going to be a better strategy than trying to cut calories drastically, losing muscle mass and then trying to live on very little food ( I love food, not junk food but my portions are definitely on the bigger side).

Agree with this but it goes back to the policy of promoting carbs because they create " food noise" that I mentioned upthread
Dont get me wrong I love food but constantly eating after a meal, the thought of it makes me feel sick .
Its not that " im not bothered" about food, its my favourite thing but I dont have cravings or overeat .
This idea that any of us who are slim are miserable creatures who pick at lettuce is really annoying
I dont have issues with dopamine or emotional regulation, Im not chronically stressed or in poverty,Im fortunate that I have the time and money to buy, prepare and eat good food .

I think a lot of it is to do with food noise - although I know it’s a controversial term.

I think about food all the time! Even if I have say a massive 3 course Sunday roast between 1 and 2 pm, by 3pm I’ll be asking DH what he wants for dinner later! He will be “still full” and skip dinner whereas I will still want dinner, even if it’s just something small like a sandwich.

Some people will call it greed but I genuinely crave food all the time even when I know I can’t possibly need it/be truly physiologically hungry. (I also have a problem with alcohol so maybe the two are linked - I think I get a massive dopamine hit from both eating and drinking).

For people who don’t believe in “food noise”/think it’s just greed - they’ve no idea what it’s like to live fighting cravings all day, every day. As a PP said, some people are just not that bothered about food 🤷‍♀️

My mum is "naturally" slim and I'm not.

Every time something stressful happens she completely loses her appetite. I eat when I'm stressed (like my dad!).

She doesn't like cake, or puddings pretty much of any sort. Or croissants or bagels or crumpets. She uses almost no butter on bread or other things like that. She views half a pot of cottage cheese as a reasonable breakfast. She eats a single thin slice of granary bread with a tiny amount of butter and a single poached egg and views that as a "big" breakfast.

So then basically she eats a tiny breakfast, a minimal lunch and a normal size dinner.

Which to me sounds like what I would do if I was on a strict diet.

Neither of us drink loads of wine, or frothy coffees, or hot chocolates. Both of us like crisps but she has more self control around them.

No matter what people say, genetics plays a HUGE role. So don't beat yourself up. Just try to be generally healthy.

I think people VASTLY over estimate the amount of calories they burn
People are in the main, sedentary
They sit at desks, they sit in cars, they sit and look at screens, they can order coffee in one click
100 years ago no one had cars and people walked everywhere, possibly tram or train for longer journeys
Houses and families took so much work, scrubbing, sweeping, gardening for produce,washing was a performance with a mangle!

I think people eat too much, far too much of what is eaten is UPF, eating for treats, to quell their emotions and then anyone who is slim is criticised for " dieting"
Its the other way round!

I’ve been a bit bigger and a bit smaller but never really over weight.

these days I stay a size 8 because I run 40+ miles every week. I enjoy it so it’s no big deal to me and it means I can eat what I like with in reason.

but also like others have said I have always adjusted how much I eat naturally. I eat breakfast now because I’m so active but when I did less I want hungry in the morning. If I eat a huge lunch I wouldn’t have much dinner etc.

This is an interesting point, actually, because I've defo noted before that no matter how much I eat in the day I'll always be hungry later. Never got the whole "oh, I defo won't be eating dinner tonight" thing following a 1pm meal because in seven hours I'm going to need to fill the void that massive lunch left behind.

I feel like I'm actually way hungrier than if I skip a meal. Fasting usually makes the hunger go away and causes me to fill up super quick at next meal - I don't know if this is the stomach shrinking or if that's just one of those things people say.

I love boiled cabbage.

Fair!
It instilled in my Mum a lifelong hatred of green veg. We only had peas and lettuce growing up (and other coloured veg) growing up. I don't think I had broccoli until I was in my teens.

Boiled cabbage would put anyone off food. 🤣

I'd be hungrier - sugar spike...

Don’t drink alcohol and don’t eat takeaways

Maybe that's something to do with it, because when I eat sugary things they just disappear. Both in my mind and stomach. If I had 3 doughnuts I would still be as hungry at dinnertime as I would be if I hadn't eaten them at all so I'd still have to eat dinner.

Im heavy now at 11st and 5 ft 8 (size 14 now) but for years I was 9 and a half stone and a UK 12 - broad + boxy torso and hardly any space between ribs and hip bones. I'm like a box with skinny legs. 😊

Walking loads (I don’t drive). Walk DS up a big hill for 20 mins to piano once a week, walk DD in her pram for a mile or two each day between baby groups and to get out of the house, walk to and from shops and school.

Breakfast: GF toast or GF cereal (I’m coeliac), lunch last night’s dinner leftovers or two GF sandwiches with cucumber and tomato on the side, a banana later on. Dinner is usually pasta with vegetables, fish and veg with potatoes, chops with veg and potatoes, curry or veggie chilli or a roast on Sunday. Tea or water to drink. Minimal booze, little snacking except fruit and the odd biscuit or GF cake.

But mainly it’s walking that does it.

i think both these behaviours could lead to disordered eating (or not). There are so many factors. Congratulated for leaving food on their plate? I thought you were going to say she went on to associate leaving food with being a good person.
Not all the people who grew up having to eat the food on their plates (at home and school) have gone on to be overweight. My mother tells me of the horrors of having to eat boiled cabbage (born 1947), and similar to what you describe. She was as thin as they come.

I eat porridge and fruit for breakfast a sandwich for lunch, a proper dinner and a small dessert like a jelly.
I might have a snack like one biscuit in the day. I also drink coffee with sugar in. I maintain a low BMI like this. I walk a fair bit.

Yes I agree with this, though habits rewarded in childhood are hard to break. An older friend of mine grew up in the war years when food was rationed and they were very poor, so feeding a family was difficult. Consequently if any of the 3 children left any food on their plates they were congratulated and it was passed to their father who worked long hours and was always starving. My friend is fit and healthy, never clears her plate and has remained slim all her life. She never overfed her children or made or encouraged them to eat anything they didn't want and they have never had a weight problem either. In contrast I grew up in the 1950s and was forced by well meaning parents to eat everything that was put in front of me, we never wasted food. Even on school dinners we were not allowed out of the dining room until we had cleared our plates and would have to sit there until the dinner ladies went home! I used to store the cubes of meat fat in my cheeks and strain the rest of my dinner and pudding through it. It took ages to eat. My mum fortunately cut all the fat off our meat so understood that I came home with cubes of fat in my skirt pockets! So I have always tried to clear my plate and not waste any food. In fact I had my 3 young grandchildren round for tea after school while their parents were at work and even used to finish up some of their leftovers until Covid Lockdown taught us all to be careful not sharing food or drinks. I am still a little overweight but have finally learnt it isn't necessary to clear my plate and go to a slimming club for group support.

my weight has always fluctuated. Lost weight and maintained it for a year by eating a low carb, high protein and fibre diet. I’ve made lifestyle changes rather than be in a diet. I don’t calorie count I just bulk out meals with veg, fruit and salad. Also, don’t have many bad foods in the cupboards and try to avoid buying them so I’m not tempted. I regularly exercise and do a lot of walking, weigh myself almost daily to keep a check on my weight, I have sold/donated clothes that don’t fit so there is no going back. It’s not easy but I do feel like for me ‘I’ve found what works and some balance to maintain my slim figure going forward.