AIBU to ask how people stay slim without strict dieting?

43, sit around a natural weight of 8.7 stone. I don’t eat breakfast, I never snack in the day. I rarely sit down until the evening, walk the dog each day, try to eat healthy meals. However each night after tea I do have a treat usually chocolate or crisps.

oh and rarely drink

I actually deliberately stay at the top end of my healthy BMI. Arse fat is useful for converting post menopausal androgens back to oestrogen, and muscle mass goes without saying.

I would say I'm a normal weight rather than "slim". BMI is healthy, mid 40s, wear 10/12 depending on the shop. I don't diet or restrict food at all.

But, I have a healthy relationship with food, I genuinely enjoy eating whole foods, lots of fruit and veg, minimal processed. Also I have an active lifestyle. Walk a lot, swim 3-4 times a week. I don't go to the gym or run because they don't bring me joy 😊.

Just eating 2/3 times a day.

My friend is in her 50s and very slim.

She eats in a way that would be considered very "careful" in my family but is normal for her. She wont ever have a biscuit or dessert, eats almost nothing containing sugar, and very few carbs really. She was raised with a firm mentality that adult women should eat small portions of "light" food - not much carb, red meat or dairy, no sugar, very little alcohol.

I wouldnt actually say shes especially healthy however. She has got osteoporosis and struggles with anaemia. She's not very strong, she does light exercise but never breaks a sweat. She also looks quite old for her age, in terms of face.

Intermittent Fasting for me, eat between 11am and 7pm. Kitchen closed outside those hours. It becomes a habit and while not weight reducing as such if you don't watch what you eat during that window, it discourages snacking particularly at night in front of the tv, well that's what I found.

When I go off the rails (when on IF) it's because I eat too much toast and bread. I try to eat a very small ramekin bowl of Greek yogurt and berries (I defrost from frozen) instead. Doesn't always work as bread is just the food of the gods, especially when it's on the naughty list!

Be as active as you can. That doesn't mean going to the gym which is not for me, far too performative and too many show offs, plus you need the right gear and must look gym ready to feel human going through the door! Just me OK before I get a pile on. Walk instead, don't use the downstairs loo, run up the stairs, weed the patio, dig the flower bed, whatever, as long as you are moving.

I generally eat 2 meals a day, find breakfast unnecessary- early lunch + dinner is fine for
me. Both meals will be a decent size with veg + protein + carbs. I have one cappuccino a day and quite often a sweet treat (usually a slice of home baking) but drink water the rest of the day, usually 2 x 750ml, sometimes more. We have a takeaway most Fridays.

If I want treats or to eat junk for a day I will, even for an entire 2 week holiday if I want to. My DH has struggled with his weight and the two differences I notice between us are 1. i do a LOT of exercise, 6-7 hours of running a week, including long distances. 2. i’m good at self regulating- I naturally notice when I’ve been a bit indulgent and get back into my usual routine. I don’t sweat some fluctuations in my weight and can get back to my preferred size with a few weeks of good routines. I generally mark where I’m at with a few favourite pairs of jeans.

I think its in the dna mainly. i eat and I drink. I do like exercise but I'm sure I don't do enough to counteract all the wine and biscuits. Still slim.

Very true. Ditch bread completely, eat whole grain, unsweetened cereals.

I do calorie count. I'm not hungry or on mega low calories though.
Then I exercise a lot.

If I don't do those two things, I get bigger.

What does slim mean? Like size 6-8, or 10, or 10-12?

Eating one meal per day isn't healthy.

To be fair this is a lot of it. I'm shaped exactly like my mum and her sister (and my cousin). We all got massive boobs and shoulders like NFL players with no bum! When my weight fluctuates you can only really see it on my face, arms and thighs.

make a batch of overnight oats for breakfast that will last most of the day week. Leftovers for lunch usually and Monday to Thurs healthy dinners such as soup / salad. Limited snacks but will eat fruit each day

make a batch of overnight oats for breakfast that will last most of the day week. Leftovers for lunch usually and Monday to Thurs healthy dinners such as soup / salad. Limited snacks but will eat fruit each day

I eat a lot of vegetable soup and muesli or plain porridge, it's easy, filling and i enjoy it. I ensure cooked meals are mostly veg and a bit of protein, usually fish. I eat nuts and a piece of dark chocolate every day. Snacks are apples or dates. No takeaways, cut out UPFs. I only drink alcohol once per week, same with treat like a pudding. I don't eat cake or biscuits at all, ever (unless someone baked it specially and it would be rude not to). Never counted a calorie in my life and i've stayed approx size 10 (although i'm pretty sure that size 10 has got bigger over the past 30 years!)

Since my mid 30s I walk or cycle as much as possible. I do weights for my arms once a week at home, and do core exercises once per week also.

Genetics

Don’t eat bread.

Where do you shop for clothes? I buy from Zara where I'm a 40. I still wear stuff I got from Topshop 15 years ago, so suspect that might be it?

I'm also a B cup and no butt, literally every pound goes on my belly.

Eta- when I was 8.5 stone (after an op and long recovery) I tried on jeans in an 8 from New Look and they literally hit my ankles, so I don't think there is a lot between my small 12 and smaller sizes (I'm a 10 at 9st) but my size 12 fits me up to around 11st (albeit tight!)

I don’t really eat ‘meals’ a typical day for me would look like the below:

10am - cereal bar
12-1pm - some kind of protein, usually chicken breast ( ready made ) and fruit
dinner time - small picky meal. Pesto pasta, calorie counted ready meal or most the time I just have toast 🤣

not exactly healthy but I don’t like big meals and prefer to snack

You have to really want to change forever, and you have to give up crap like crisps and chocolate almost entirely (the odd one or two portions a fortnight won't hurt). If you must eat out a lot, order a healthy main with no dessert and not loads of wine! You also have to get through a barrier of about 3/4 weeks of cravings, in my experience. It isn't fun.

I run 3 times a week but I think that only burns about 1000 calories.

A heck of a lot of exercise! I don’t do well with deprivation and I love cake, but I also love fitness, I do a lot of running, and am very active generally (16k+ steps a day on average) which happily has the side effect of giving me some extra calories to play with. I don’t count them but it means I don’t really have to think about grabbing a cake when out and about or buying a chocolate bar or whatever. I suspect if I didn’t exercise so much I might find my weight creeping up.

How can you be a size 12 at that weight and height? You’re 7/8lbs heavier than me and 5 inches taller and I’m a 6…

BMI 19 but size 12?

Luck.
Some people do everything "right" and are overweight due to medical conditions.
Some people eat lots of junk and are slim. Mix of things.

The main difference between me ( really not slim) and my sister (slim), is that she eats a "normal" amount of food and her appetite is naturally regulated.
Otherwise we eat the same type of food, 3 meals a day, cook from scratch, drink about the same, don't really snack, are both active etc etc.

So for instance if we have a big meal (e.g. family lunch), she'll eat the same as me, but probably won't eat dinner that day because she won't be hungry.
Give me a few hours and I could easily eat the leftovers and dessert!

Repeat every day over years and years since childhood, she's always stayed slim and I've just gotten bigger.
So I'm going to say that calorie counting is her secret. Although her body naturally "counts" for her, whilst I would use an app or journal.
It does work and give you better awareness of what the food around you does to your body.