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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That it's a massive waste of time, effort, money, lives and we should just bring them over by coach and ferry.

257 replies

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/09/2026 16:03

I have just watched the video from earlier today/yesterday of a migrant boat departing Boulogne. The one where the Dad (presumably) ditches his toddler in the sea in order to get onto the boat. The kid was instantly picked up by French emergency workers and it struck me that this whole situation is completely bizarre.

There were approximately half a dozen lifeguards around the boat on jet skis and paddle boards, probably also a load of police out of frame. The boat will then be shadowed by French coastguard vessels until halfway across the channel, at which point border force/RNLI will pick them up and bring them to the UK. They will then be greated by coaches, a couple of hundred riot police and some (redacted by MNHQ) before continuing to their destination.

AIBU to think that this is all a total farce and we should simply provide the coaches from the outset?

YABU - The current arrangement is best.

YANBU - Coach and ferry would be better for everyone.

OP posts:
whoopsnomore · 25/09/2026 10:30

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 24/09/2026 19:49

Whatever France are doing to make people view it as such a terrible country, so unthinkable to ever consider staying there, that they would rather risk their lives to leave it in favour of an equivalent country in terms of wealth, prosperity, privilege, developed status, quality of life and onward opportunities (well, fewer since Brexit)... could we not do the same?

I'm not against controlled, legitimate immigration to the UK at all, for those who show us the basic decency and respect of following the proper legal procedures - exactly the same as we would have to if we wanted to move to Australia, the USA and most other developed countries. But please let's stop pretending that these people are somehow still asylum seekers (even if they began as such, although curiously, their womenfolk and children apparently weren't in any danger); absolutely nobody is having to flee any western European country in fear of losing their lives, or even their basic human needs.

Edited

In fact overall France takes more, both in net numbers and per capita. UK is around 10th or 11th placed by head of population for numbers of asylum seekers. It's a myth that "they don't want to stay in France" because many do.

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/09/2026 10:12

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 07:38

No @EasternStandard clearly the Op is saying the father dumped his son into the sea so that he could climb aboard the migrant boat

I won’t whether @Ablondiebutagoody will be back to bother to post a link to this video

I'm not your PA, just Google it.

My AIBU was regarding the actions of the French and UK Governments rather than the man in the video.

OP posts:
PissedOffNeighbour22 · 25/09/2026 08:30

@EmeraldRoulette totally agree. I was stalked and sexually harassed by a migrant. He followed me to work and back, followed me on my lunch break, hung around my workplace. I ended up having to be escorted by my then partner. This was a few years back so we had nowhere near the amount of young migrant men with nothing to do that we have in the country these days. Police wouldn’t do anything because they had no idea who he was and he hadn’t actually physically or sexually harmed me. So that was a fun few months for me. It only ended when I changed my job and moved to another town.

NancyThompson · 25/09/2026 08:20

PoorPhaedra · 25/09/2026 08:13

The thing is they don’t have any other way of claiming asylum. You can’t claim from a British embassy in your home country and if you don’t have a visa you can’t get on a plane. As we’re an island that means you have to cross by boat. If the Uk opened a processing site in France that would stop the boats, but they won’t as certain aspects of UK politics would crucify any government that did that.

The very vast majority are not asylum seekers anyway.

Avie29 · 25/09/2026 08:18

They aren’t fleeing here for safety, they are safe where they are- or as soon as they leave their home country, they are coming here because they know they will get stuff- in my town they have knocked down 3/4 bedroom houses to build blocks of bedsits to house them- BEDSITS meaning obviously not families- single people- probably men- and the worst part is one of these blocks are right next to a primary school, they have entered the country illegally, we know nothing about them, and they are housing them next to a primary school 👏 🤦🏻‍♀️ ridiculous.

PoorPhaedra · 25/09/2026 08:13

The thing is they don’t have any other way of claiming asylum. You can’t claim from a British embassy in your home country and if you don’t have a visa you can’t get on a plane. As we’re an island that means you have to cross by boat. If the Uk opened a processing site in France that would stop the boats, but they won’t as certain aspects of UK politics would crucify any government that did that.

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 07:38

EasternStandard · 24/09/2026 16:39

To a rescuer not in the sea.

Op the ferry idea would just be a huge draw for people to France, they’d be overwhelmed and you couldn’t say yes to everyone.

The other option is clearly chaotic and risky, another person died trying this week.

So neither.

No @EasternStandard clearly the Op is saying the father dumped his son into the sea so that he could climb aboard the migrant boat

I won’t whether @Ablondiebutagoody will be back to bother to post a link to this video

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 07:36

What is this video you have seen @Ablondiebutagoody ?

OneoftheWeddingPeople · 25/09/2026 07:16

Teen dd had dreadful experiences with older Albanian men sexually hassling her and her friends in a Greek resort. No more of them thanks.

OneoftheWeddingPeople · 25/09/2026 07:14

Surely pretty much everyone in these countries (Sudan Afghanistan Syria) would rather live
here. What if they all came? It’s just not possible.

Bringemout · 25/09/2026 07:05

Maybe I’m being stupid but aren’t we paying the french to stop people doing this. Why on earth are they escorting people across? Ah yes because they don’t actually want them to stay in France either.

PollyBell · 25/09/2026 07:01

I think it is great so may people who want to encourage this are willing to open their homes so the people arriving can stay with them

EasternStandard · 25/09/2026 06:59

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:29

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows why should they not come to the UK? Particularly if they are coming from colonised Asia or Africa and English is their language. They are very likely to have family/friends here because we asked them to come here as part of the bloody commonwealth. This is why history being taught in schools is so important. I have Burmese heritage on one side of my family, most of who had to leave considerable wealth and settled here after WW2 and have grown up in post war schemes to be high rate tax payers. Most people banging on about immigration and sticking up flags these days are completely clueless. The UK is built on immigration and a lot of exploitation. When it suits, bring in the brown and black people, then the former soviet block to prop up the economy. I think the UK is mainly not racist, however the very vocal dimwits who buy into the whole Nigel Farage/it all immigrants fault have far too much leverage. It is horrible to witness, my mixed race child is really scared about her future (she is British btw).

How many people would you say yes to arriving due to history etc? Would there be a limit?

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:55

@EmeraldRoulette, I agree- my relative made Scotland her home and was very proud to to do so. She married a working class Edinburgh lad and all her children are fiercely Scottish. However, it does not take away the fact that growing up there was racism because of skin colour, hair smelling of coconut oil etc. She worked all her career in the NHS, volunteered at Brownies and the church for 40 years as well as just being a lovely neighbour and friend. She was very loved and is very missed. However these days she would just be lumped in with 'all these immigrants' that people seem so worried about, even though I am pretty sure they have no impact on most people's lives. The power of the right wing press.

EmeraldRoulette · 25/09/2026 00:39

@Dameputtingonabraveface ”This is why history being taught in schools is so important”

It is important, but I would like to see more emphasis on the good things about Britain.

My own heritage involves ancestors coming from a Commonwealth country. They were very excited to be here in the mother country.

I feel like that story isn’t told at all anymore now. There’s an assumption by some about how I might think on account of my skin colour. I suppose they’re the same ones to call me a coconut.

The flag waving, well it’s my flag too. The union flag is anyway.

Worrall20 · 25/09/2026 00:34

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/09/2026 23:12

@2dogsandabudgie, there is a very good reason why families send the young men. It is well documented outside the right wing press, which seems to be where everyone gets their 'factual eveidence' from. FYI, young men can also be at risk- even Albanian men, who every one is convinced are just here to commit benefit fraud and sexually abuse women and girls. It is all out there to read up on, unless you only only rely on the daily mail. It is all quite recent really but what these threads prove is very few people have an understanding/care about the world outside their class whatsapp group.

Now that is totally untrue. The Albanians come because they are corrupted by ruthless crime gangs. They are told they will work for them and will be paid a lot of money, as the pay is so low in Albania. When they get here they are sold for sexual exploitation or drug dealing. They do no not leave because they are at risk in Albania! There is also a reciprocal returns policy with Albania. So no they are not fleeing persecution or war. So FYI please research a bit more before bashing everyone with the self righteous stick.

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:29

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows why should they not come to the UK? Particularly if they are coming from colonised Asia or Africa and English is their language. They are very likely to have family/friends here because we asked them to come here as part of the bloody commonwealth. This is why history being taught in schools is so important. I have Burmese heritage on one side of my family, most of who had to leave considerable wealth and settled here after WW2 and have grown up in post war schemes to be high rate tax payers. Most people banging on about immigration and sticking up flags these days are completely clueless. The UK is built on immigration and a lot of exploitation. When it suits, bring in the brown and black people, then the former soviet block to prop up the economy. I think the UK is mainly not racist, however the very vocal dimwits who buy into the whole Nigel Farage/it all immigrants fault have far too much leverage. It is horrible to witness, my mixed race child is really scared about her future (she is British btw).

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 25/09/2026 00:18

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:10

Just out of interest, how many people on this thread have much to do with actual real-life asylum seekers? Because those of us who do have very few issues, maybe too much empathy for you folks, but apart from that I have just found them to be actual people who have survived in situations I could not begin to imagine. In the case of women, often with a child/ren with them and leaving extended support behind. Most men have been very respectful and wanting to work and contribute to the UK, having escaped what ever they left their whole life for.

Personally, I don't have any problem with them as individuals: people are people and you get good and bad folk from all countries and cultures.

It's just that, if I wanted to move to another country and make it my new home, I would pay them the very basic respect of applying and organising it through the legitimate channels.

i certainly would not save up a lot of money and give it all to criminal gangs to send me over there in a dangerous boat, expecting to turn up on their shores, announce my arrival and be welcomed right on in.

EmeraldRoulette · 25/09/2026 00:18

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:10

Just out of interest, how many people on this thread have much to do with actual real-life asylum seekers? Because those of us who do have very few issues, maybe too much empathy for you folks, but apart from that I have just found them to be actual people who have survived in situations I could not begin to imagine. In the case of women, often with a child/ren with them and leaving extended support behind. Most men have been very respectful and wanting to work and contribute to the UK, having escaped what ever they left their whole life for.

I used to live near one of the hotels. It was a truly awful experience. This was years before it became so talked about.

I’m not gonna go into it again but I have posted about it a little bit on here.

i’m not sure I’d call them real asylum seekers.

We had some refugees who arrived under an official system at the church where I used to volunteer.

Worrall20 · 25/09/2026 00:10

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/09/2026 21:23

OP- this thead will not end well. People who were unfortunate enough to be born into countries where just existing and surviving is a bloody lottery so try to leave and make a better life for themselves and their families- not new.

What is newish that certain people with an agenda have successfully politised this, created an imagined enemy and caused a massive disruption and distraction within UK policy and politics. Immigration has mainly benefitted the Uk. Most recently when we were part of the EU, but the austerity was the the fault of former communist block countries joining. David Cameron' s vanity project ended that and we are all worse off for that.

Now all the UK's problems are apparently down to 'small boats' and every person arriving in the UK this way is a rapist and a threat to women and girls and just having the best life because they just get given benefits, a council house etc ahead of 'British people'. Apparently sticking up tacky flags half way up a lamp post and protesting in balaclava make you a proper nationalist and defender of the UK.

This country is in the shit because for many reasons, but the comparatively small number of asylum seekers we take in is not the reason. As someone who has worked with asylum seekers (child protection- so not exclusive to this)- I am usually in awe of these people who have taken the huge step of leaving everything behind to make this journey. Doctor's, scientists etc People who have seen family members murdered because of their opinions etc. The narrative of they are just coming to the UK for any 'easy life' is so bloody disengious when people are literally using their whole family's wealth and risking their life often to try and escape persecution.

I am so fed up with people banging on about the UK being full whilst expecting the benefits of a global economy. Then those who make a big thing about being British but just happened to have been born here, just luck- no contribution or understanding of how immigration has been a massive part of the make-up or success of this country. There are so many factual studies on how the UK benefits from immigration it is really exhausting.

No not just the illegal immigrants but compounded with no growth, high unemployment, NHS waiting lists, cost of living we cannot afford all these ‘doctors and scientists’ Immigrants who arrive legally and who contribute to the economy, embrace our culture, follow the same laws we abide by, then that is great. Think we all appreciate that. What is not acceptable is people arriving with no documentation, behaving badly, not following our rules, costing the taxpayer and disrupting our way of life. Also Brexit did not cause this problem, look at the figures on returns before Brexit, 200/300 per year. Germany, France, Ireland, Spain all have the same problem. And I voted remain.

Dameputtingonabraveface · 25/09/2026 00:10

Just out of interest, how many people on this thread have much to do with actual real-life asylum seekers? Because those of us who do have very few issues, maybe too much empathy for you folks, but apart from that I have just found them to be actual people who have survived in situations I could not begin to imagine. In the case of women, often with a child/ren with them and leaving extended support behind. Most men have been very respectful and wanting to work and contribute to the UK, having escaped what ever they left their whole life for.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 25/09/2026 00:09

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/09/2026 23:56

@BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows really after all these years people are still raising this? The family pay to get someone here and they send the person who they think can survive the crossing. These are desperate people in fear for their family. What would you do?

Then how do they get the rest of the family over? Even if the husband can gain the entitlement to bring his family over, they still have to find the money to pay for their travel.

If they're coming from Asia or Africa, why do they actually NEED to come all the way to western Europe, if they genuinely are refugees fleeing danger in their own country? Is there really no safe country in the whole of their continent, that would be much, much cheaper to travel to? Especially considering that they will likely be passing through multiple of those supposedly equally-dangerous countries on their way?

HRTQueen · 24/09/2026 23:58

I agree it’s an absolute farce

process the applications could be done quicker but it is still a long process so what country will hold them in the mean time

I wish governments would work together along with parties in this country. There is shorter term solutions and long term solutions that need to be put into place

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/09/2026 23:56

@BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows really after all these years people are still raising this? The family pay to get someone here and they send the person who they think can survive the crossing. These are desperate people in fear for their family. What would you do?

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/09/2026 23:52

Lots of families who settled here whilst we are in the EU who were our care workers and laborers have moved back because of Brexit and like it or not, these countries are doing better than we are. The families left behind I still work with are mostly Roma, and whilst the UK is not great for them, a tiny bit of research will inform people of how shite life is for them back in central Europe- the racism is off the scale and people here are not particularly understanding.

A lot of men in many parts of the world are at risk of death because of their sexuality. This includes Albania and there is also a lot of contining threats in certain areas to certain faiths/ethnicities since/before the Balkan war. There is information out there for those who want to read up on it.

As for those trying to get here from the middle east, I really cannot understand why people object. If it was your family- what would you do? Most people cannot even begin to contemplate making these decisions. Again, the privilege of being born into a safe country. However, the UK really does need to take accountability for our role in destabilizing other countries and colonialism.