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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel set up to fail in a hybrid role?

278 replies

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 15:39

Firstly, I am already looking for a new job because this place is going to hell in a handbasket.

I recently started a new job – I am experienced in my role and have done it for several years. I was hired on a hybrid basis, 4 days in the office and one at home. All fine, except in the 2 months I have been there I have worked one day at home as the Ops Manager (not my direct manager but a company director so big cheese) keeps finding excuses for why he needs me in the office on my wfh day. In reality he barely speaks to me, doesn’t need me in the office and just doesn’t agree with wfh. He’s like this with everyone who tries to wfh, not just me.

I can live with being in the office. What I can’t live with with is not being able to do my job because I am not allowed on teams meetings because it is “too disruptive”. I manage a tech team of multiple disciplines. I am the only person of my job role in my team, but there are 5 across the organisation, one in each team and we are all experiencing this issue. Only my job role from the tech department are office based, the others are remote workers, therefore my entire team is working remotely and I have no other way to get in touch other than teams and email. The office is large open plan with 3 meeting rooms and no ‘cubbys’ for taking calls. There are a number of different departments in the office – customer care, sales, marketing, operations etc. Their whole teams are office based.

Understandably I cannot take up a meeting room for the entire time I am on calls – I have been told this is not a solution. I am having to do everything via email which is time consuming and quite frankly ridiculous – we do loads of demos and live drawings and discussions, I should literally be spending my day in calls with various different people and I just cant. As a result I am not being effective, my team are complaining they can’t get info and decisions off me and I am just completely out the loop – as a result the team is making mistakes, work is delayed etc. It’s a shit show.

I have spoken with my manager (home based) and he has spoken to his manager (hybrid) my manager is understanding but powerless to change the situation – he is also the other of my roles managers and confirmed they all have the same problem. His manager has said “everyone else is coping, we just need to get on with it” basically inferring we are just trying to wfh so we can slack off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us, and that is not acceptable, I’ve suggested they put us all in a far corner, away from others – also not acceptable. I’ve asked for solutions from them and been told “email” or get people in the office. I am not able to get them in the office, they have wfh, remote contracts and are based country wide (and in other countries).

I just don’t know what to do!

WIBU to just stop doing my job and wait to be fired? They don’t seem to care.

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 25/09/2026 14:20

This is completely insane. All of it. I do a similar job to you and cannot imagine trying to be effective in the role without being able to take calls!

Good luck in your job hunt. I'm sure you will get something soon!

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 14:13

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 14:08

Op I know that. You said in the update they they evasive following your chat with jack this morning explaining they thought you were mates with the Op

but initially you said they had been incredibly open to you about job hunting and pissed off. So I find it strange they were so candid with you despite supposedly thinking you were mates with the coo

That's what I mean, they were evasive about how they're managing day to day work. Only Jack told me he was looking for work and the others were as well, I know now that's because he already had a job offer so could afford to risk it a bit more, though unfair of him to mention the others. The other just said "it is what it is, you just have to get on with it". Not exactly a go-getting attitude but also not a sackable comment.

OP posts:
UnintentionalArcher · 25/09/2026 14:11

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 20:11

What do you mean?

If you have to leave your role because working practices make it impossible for you to do you job and you fear failing probation, you may have a case for constructive dismissal. That means where you feel you have no choice but to leave your role because of employer’s actions - so they have in essence dismissed you without actually dismissing you. In order to prove constructive dismissal at a tribunal, you must have raised the issues in writing and have evidence your concerns have been dismissed/you have been blocked. Are you in a union? If you can, please join one. Call ACAS. They can advise you on your current position, plus a union should tell you step by step what to do.

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 14:08

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 14:02

D'oh, I didn't mean candid! I meant evasive! I.e. they weren't telling me.

Op I know that. You said in the update they they evasive following your chat with jack this morning explaining they thought you were mates with the Op

but initially you said they had been incredibly open to you about job hunting and pissed off. So I find it strange they were so candid with you despite supposedly thinking you were mates with the coo

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 14:02

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:57

No I meant weird that they confided in you all this but also thought you were buddies with the COO

D'oh, I didn't mean candid! I meant evasive! I.e. they weren't telling me.

OP posts:
Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:57

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 13:56

I think worn down from an incredibly toxic culture is possibly more accurate. But yeah.

No I meant weird that they confided in you all this but also thought you were buddies with the COO

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 13:56

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:53

The other project managers are being very candid about the day to day of their jobs (I have asked) but are also not allowed on calls. One told me he was looking elsewhere and knew the others were as well. Another told me she was finding the situation impossible but "it is what it is"

And they thought you were buddies with the COO?

Everyone aside from you @Getofftheshitter sound a little bit… soft around the edges shall we say! Good luck with the job hunt

I think worn down from an incredibly toxic culture is possibly more accurate. But yeah.

OP posts:
Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:53

The other project managers are being very candid about the day to day of their jobs (I have asked) but are also not allowed on calls. One told me he was looking elsewhere and knew the others were as well. Another told me she was finding the situation impossible but "it is what it is"

And they thought you were buddies with the COO?

Everyone aside from you @Getofftheshitter sound a little bit… soft around the edges shall we say! Good luck with the job hunt

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 13:51

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:47

If you haven’t got a job secured within the month before your probation ends… what will you do if you do pass?

Not sure, we'll see. Keeping getting paid is a good thing. We can just about survive on DHs income, it covers all bills but no savings or discretionary spending, though we'd save on wrap around care. We have savings but I'd rather not use them.

It's really odd, I'm basically being paid to do nothing. I don't like it. They apparently monitor computer use though so at some point we'll all get found out.

Hopefully I'll get a new job soon.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 25/09/2026 13:50

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 06:35

So if WFH isn’t the issue… why mention the fact you haven’t been able to have your 1/5 WFH day?

Edited

Because she isn't allowed to do her job while in the office.
Jeez

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:47

If you haven’t got a job secured within the month before your probation ends… what will you do if you do pass?

dustabsorber · 25/09/2026 13:41

I have got a carboard cut out stand up Tomb Raider. I could put that behind them for a laugh.

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 13:40

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:33

they assumed you were mates with the COO? This gets weirder!! You have a company car despite being 100% office based?

Edited

No company car - just free EV charging.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 13:39

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:31

Your line manger said all this?? I mean, yes on the one hand it’s helped you understand the picture but on the other - how incredibly weird that your line manager has gone from basically shrugging and saying “nothing I can do” to basically treating you like a therapist!

On the basis of all this, I’d have handed in my notice there and then

I started the meeting saying he needed to be honest with me, I was on the brink of handing in my notice, Jack has said "X" and I need him to be honest. It wasn't like he was treating me as his therapist, just setting out a bit of history and explaining why the situation is as it is.

He did apologise for the situation and explained quite why he was unable to do anything. He's essentially my line manager in name only - signing off my leave and probation review.

And yes, apparently the COO is bringing in people who work like he wants to get others towing the line but not being upfront about it.

It's bonkers. And I'm definitely leaving. I've got a chat with a recruiter about some stuff next week and a meeting with an internal recruiter on Tuesday so hopefully something will come of those.

OP posts:
dustabsorber · 25/09/2026 13:37

In the atrium of my local leisure centre, there are "people working from home". They are on teams meetings. Loads of children walking around, some in cossies I think it so inappropriate.

Its so tempting just to fuck about in the background. Do I need to be in front or behind them? What should I wear?

WhatNextImScared · 25/09/2026 13:35

What a nightmare.

If you’re still on your probation, can you afford to just cut and run? I don’t think I could cope with it.

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:33

they assumed you were mates with the COO? This gets weirder!! You have a company car despite being 100% office based?

Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 13:31

Your line manger said all this?? I mean, yes on the one hand it’s helped you understand the picture but on the other - how incredibly weird that your line manager has gone from basically shrugging and saying “nothing I can do” to basically treating you like a therapist!

On the basis of all this, I’d have handed in my notice there and then

JoanOgden · 25/09/2026 13:27

Ha! Well done. I thought there must be some mad political shit going on!

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 12:47

So a few interesting developments today. I went in this morning with a "I can quit if I want" type attitude, which was very freeing! I asked my manager for a chat (again). Before I had that chat, another PM, let's call him Jack, handed in his notice having secured another job. I congratulated Jack, he was very happy. He's been put on immediate gardening leave, I walked him out to his car and used the opportunity to ask some questions.

  • they (the PMs and wider tech dept) had thought the move back to the office was redundancy by stealth, me being hired suggested otherwise and left them all a bit perplexed
  • due to the above, they assumed I was hired as a friend of COO and this is why they've been reluctant to talk to me about how they are doing their job.
  • they have not been doing their job
  • they have had the arguments I am currently having and are now simply job hunting
  • CTO (my bosses boss) IS a friend of COO, so watch myself.
  • get out as soon as I can
  • my manager is a nice guy but doesn't trust me because I may be a spy for COO

Off the back of this, I went in to my manager meeting a little differently. Explained the convo with Jack and that I was very definitely not a friend of COO. Conversation went much better after this.

Long story short, there's loads of political shit going on. He's no idea how they expect me to do my job or why they haven't just made all PMs redundant given COO clearly doesn't want to enable them to do their job. He has no intention of failing my probation and as long as I don't raise further concerns with his boss, his boss also has no intention of failing me. COO will only fail me if I try to take calls in the office or push the WFH. His advice - job hunting and getting out. It's what he's doing. He's only been managing the PMs for 6 months, the person who used to was given a settlement agreement as part of the political shit. He believes once he's been used to get as many of the tech team in the office as possible, he to will get a settlement agreement.

So, current intention is continue to job hunt from the office, and charge my car for free (literally the only perk of the job!).

OP posts:
Plsfindattached · 25/09/2026 10:21

As it stands you are the only one raising this as an issue @Getofftheshitter . Not even your line manager appears particularly perturbed unfortunately. In your shoes I’d leave or I’d use the empty days to job hunt

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 08:59

Mumofoneandone · 25/09/2026 07:18

Overall if you are unhappy, looking for another job is probably better in the long term.
Is your place of work been written into your contract/you have it in writing in an email? Because if it is that is what you follow. If work wants to vary terms, there is a legal process to follow.
How come you are the only PM to be forced into the office?
If you travel to work by car can you sit in your car to take your calls?!
I would be contacting somewhere like ACAS to get some advice on what to do. Especially if work are behaving in a way to constitute constructive dismissal - summary below!
'Constructive dismissal happens when you feel forced to resign because your employer’s serious misconduct or breach of contract makes your working life unbearable.'

Edited

I'm not the only PM in the.office, I've been clear on that. We are all in the office.

Thanks for the constructive dismissal info.

I need sign off from COO to WFH, and he won't give it. Everyone needs it, very few get it.

My contract advises 4 days in the office, 1 WFH but dependent on service need. HR says it's COO who determines service need.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 08:56

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 25/09/2026 06:44

Oh. Yeh I totally thought it was to WFH cause op can't do the meetings with her team.
Wtf!

Because I knew people would suggest I WFH more to be able to do calls and I wanted to make it clear that wasn't possible.

OP posts:
SaySomethingMan · 25/09/2026 08:33

Can you join cams but only chat responses? At least you’ll be listening in real time. Sounds crazy though tbh

AbzMoz · 25/09/2026 08:01

Im not a HR professional but I would expect an email chain between you and your manager documenting how the office environment isn’t supporting your ability to effectively do your job, and a COO who insists on silence in the office, would lead you to a very strong case if you did fail probation (or if you decided to go with constructive dismissal).
Presumably you’ve left another role, possible bonuses, etc to join them, and they’re making a hash of it. I would seek some external HR/Legal advice.

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