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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel set up to fail in a hybrid role?

278 replies

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 15:39

Firstly, I am already looking for a new job because this place is going to hell in a handbasket.

I recently started a new job – I am experienced in my role and have done it for several years. I was hired on a hybrid basis, 4 days in the office and one at home. All fine, except in the 2 months I have been there I have worked one day at home as the Ops Manager (not my direct manager but a company director so big cheese) keeps finding excuses for why he needs me in the office on my wfh day. In reality he barely speaks to me, doesn’t need me in the office and just doesn’t agree with wfh. He’s like this with everyone who tries to wfh, not just me.

I can live with being in the office. What I can’t live with with is not being able to do my job because I am not allowed on teams meetings because it is “too disruptive”. I manage a tech team of multiple disciplines. I am the only person of my job role in my team, but there are 5 across the organisation, one in each team and we are all experiencing this issue. Only my job role from the tech department are office based, the others are remote workers, therefore my entire team is working remotely and I have no other way to get in touch other than teams and email. The office is large open plan with 3 meeting rooms and no ‘cubbys’ for taking calls. There are a number of different departments in the office – customer care, sales, marketing, operations etc. Their whole teams are office based.

Understandably I cannot take up a meeting room for the entire time I am on calls – I have been told this is not a solution. I am having to do everything via email which is time consuming and quite frankly ridiculous – we do loads of demos and live drawings and discussions, I should literally be spending my day in calls with various different people and I just cant. As a result I am not being effective, my team are complaining they can’t get info and decisions off me and I am just completely out the loop – as a result the team is making mistakes, work is delayed etc. It’s a shit show.

I have spoken with my manager (home based) and he has spoken to his manager (hybrid) my manager is understanding but powerless to change the situation – he is also the other of my roles managers and confirmed they all have the same problem. His manager has said “everyone else is coping, we just need to get on with it” basically inferring we are just trying to wfh so we can slack off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us, and that is not acceptable, I’ve suggested they put us all in a far corner, away from others – also not acceptable. I’ve asked for solutions from them and been told “email” or get people in the office. I am not able to get them in the office, they have wfh, remote contracts and are based country wide (and in other countries).

I just don’t know what to do!

WIBU to just stop doing my job and wait to be fired? They don’t seem to care.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 21:07

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:04

Is it possible that your team have complained that you were trying to fill up their days with meetings?what you describe does seem
somewhat meeting heavy

of course you will say absolutely
not to this

Edited

The meeting schedule was preset, not something I instigated. They are normal meetings in a tech team. Not all meetings are whole team. I'm the only person who is in every single one of them.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 21:05

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:01

So they had already suggested this idea
and the big boss had already declined
and you thought that whilst on probation it would be sensible to once again suggest it to him?

I didn't know they had suggested it - only found that out today. Neither my manager or the other PMs told me. If I knew in week 2, what I found out today, I wouldn't still be here, I'd just have walked out.

OP posts:
Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:04

Is it possible that your team have complained that you were trying to fill up their days with meetings?what you describe does seem
somewhat meeting heavy

of course you will say absolutely
not to this

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:03

CombatBarbie · 25/09/2026 21:01

Have you read all of OPs posts. She cannot do her job, she is looking for other work, the Tyrant in the office needs talking too.

The “tyrant” is the co founder and owner of the business! 😆

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:02

So all your ideas and suggestions had already been kicked back when presented by permanent employees.

Why would you think he would reverse that decision on the basis of someone who’d been there a few weeks?

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 21:01

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:58

Turns out they had already suggested it as a solution. Basically, they'd done all the things I was doing and been knocked back. I think they hoped if new person also suggested these things then they may see that it's a fairly normal thing to need to do and agree,.rather than them seeming bitter at being made to work from the office (as I accepted the job knowing it was predominantly office based so couldn't be annoyed at that) and asking for stuff to make office life hard etc.

So they had already suggested this idea
and the big boss had already declined
and you thought that whilst on probation it would be sensible to once again suggest it to him?

CombatBarbie · 25/09/2026 21:01

Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:26

That's extreme! He's on probation, which requires proving himself in the same roles as the others?

You're advising him to jack it in, which won't look good on a CV, rather than go with it to pass the short probation period to then have the qualifications and a tough experience to be prepared?

Goodness me, if all us trainee teachers gave up after the first few obstacles (which were/are far more challenging than where you located in front of a computer screen) the education system would collapse!

Honestly, a bit more backbone, suck it up, rather than complaining about anything that may be a bit challenging.

Have you read all of OPs posts. She cannot do her job, she is looking for other work, the Tyrant in the office needs talking too.

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:58

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:53

Ok so from the big boss perspective - it was you, the newbie of a few weeks suggesting this alone. No one else suggesting it. These people had just said to you “sure run it by him” but didn’t actually articulate this support to anyone else besides you?

Edited

Turns out they had already suggested it as a solution. Basically, they'd done all the things I was doing and been knocked back. I think they hoped if new person also suggested these things then they may see that it's a fairly normal thing to need to do and agree,.rather than them seeming bitter at being made to work from the office (as I accepted the job knowing it was predominantly office based so couldn't be annoyed at that) and asking for stuff to make office life hard etc.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:55

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:44

We have stand up every morning (which I'm supposed to run). Each week I do 4-5 meetings called "3 amigos" where we discuss the specifics of the work each person is going to be doing, they ask questions about it etc. I do 3 fortnightly meetings with the whole team. I do demo meetings a few times a week, 1:1s monthly with each member of my team and "leads catch up" once a week with all the leads of all disciplines and a once weekly planning meeting with my team. A weekly design meeting.

presumably you have never managed to do any of the above?

The first 2 weeks I did and then I got told it had been noticed I was away from my desk a lot and that wasn't acceptable (yes, I explained why) so then I took the calls at my desk, typing instead of talking and was told that was not acceptable - no calls in the office. I then delegates someone else to take the daily stand up etc. And started doing the listening back stuff. I've done a couple of 1:1s in a meeting room, that seems acceptable.

OP posts:
Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:53

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:51

The PMs said "you can try, it'd definitely solve the issue" and my manager said they thought it was a reasonable suggestion. I then asked the big boss and was told no. He wants us all in the main office, no exceptions.

Ok so from the big boss perspective - it was you, the newbie of a few weeks suggesting this alone. No one else suggesting it. These people had just said to you “sure run it by him” but didn’t actually articulate this support to anyone else besides you?

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:51

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:43

And all the project managers and your
manager said basically “hell yes we like this idea”to the big boss?

and the ogre of a big boss said “nope”?

The PMs said "you can try, it'd definitely solve the issue" and my manager said they thought it was a reasonable suggestion. I then asked the big boss and was told no. He wants us all in the main office, no exceptions.

OP posts:
Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:47

All these posters suggestions are ignoring the fact that the person saying no to the Op is
none other than….

The co founder and owner of the entire multi million pound business!!! What he wants, goes and its comedic to be saying HR will “sit up and take notice” or to basically just override him.

The Op has been there 8 weeks and is in probation

Versus

the co founder and owner of the business. He literally pays her salary!

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:44

We have stand up every morning (which I'm supposed to run). Each week I do 4-5 meetings called "3 amigos" where we discuss the specifics of the work each person is going to be doing, they ask questions about it etc. I do 3 fortnightly meetings with the whole team. I do demo meetings a few times a week, 1:1s monthly with each member of my team and "leads catch up" once a week with all the leads of all disciplines and a once weekly planning meeting with my team. A weekly design meeting.

presumably you have never managed to do any of the above?

feelthefearanddoitanyway · 25/09/2026 20:44

Agree with poster who said put this all in writing/email.

What your job role is, the fact that your team are remote, the fact that operationally you need to be able to speak/share screens to do the work, the problem with making Teams calls in thr office and so on. To your manager and their manager.

In the meantime, set up work with your team as you see fit. If that means being on calls throughout the day in the office, so be it.

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:43

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:38

Yes. And my manager.

And all the project managers and your
manager said basically “hell yes we like this idea”to the big boss?

and the ogre of a big boss said “nope”?

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:40

Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:26

That's extreme! He's on probation, which requires proving himself in the same roles as the others?

You're advising him to jack it in, which won't look good on a CV, rather than go with it to pass the short probation period to then have the qualifications and a tough experience to be prepared?

Goodness me, if all us trainee teachers gave up after the first few obstacles (which were/are far more challenging than where you located in front of a computer screen) the education system would collapse!

Honestly, a bit more backbone, suck it up, rather than complaining about anything that may be a bit challenging.

So you are a teacher right?

If your employer told you you could speak to your class, everything was to be done by email. Could you do your job? Because that is the equivalent of what is being asked here.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:38

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:27

off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us,

Did you run this by the 5 other PMs who are permanent employees before making this suggestion a few weeks after starting this job?!

Yes. And my manager.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:38

Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:26

That's extreme! He's on probation, which requires proving himself in the same roles as the others?

You're advising him to jack it in, which won't look good on a CV, rather than go with it to pass the short probation period to then have the qualifications and a tough experience to be prepared?

Goodness me, if all us trainee teachers gave up after the first few obstacles (which were/are far more challenging than where you located in front of a computer screen) the education system would collapse!

Honestly, a bit more backbone, suck it up, rather than complaining about anything that may be a bit challenging.

Sorry what qualifications and training am I supposedly getting from this job? And what experience am I gaining beyond knowing what a toxic work environment is like?

OP posts:
Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:29

As IF HR will “sit up and take notice ”of the Op, an employee couple of months on her probation versus the co-founder and owner of the entire business!!!

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:27

off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us,

Did you run this by the 5 other PMs who are permanent employees before making this suggestion a few weeks after starting this job?!

Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:26

CombatBarbie · 24/09/2026 17:52

Can you hand in notice directly to HR/Your manager stating exactly what youve said here. I'm sure someone will sit up and take notice.

That's extreme! He's on probation, which requires proving himself in the same roles as the others?

You're advising him to jack it in, which won't look good on a CV, rather than go with it to pass the short probation period to then have the qualifications and a tough experience to be prepared?

Goodness me, if all us trainee teachers gave up after the first few obstacles (which were/are far more challenging than where you located in front of a computer screen) the education system would collapse!

Honestly, a bit more backbone, suck it up, rather than complaining about anything that may be a bit challenging.

Pherian · 25/09/2026 20:25

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 15:39

Firstly, I am already looking for a new job because this place is going to hell in a handbasket.

I recently started a new job – I am experienced in my role and have done it for several years. I was hired on a hybrid basis, 4 days in the office and one at home. All fine, except in the 2 months I have been there I have worked one day at home as the Ops Manager (not my direct manager but a company director so big cheese) keeps finding excuses for why he needs me in the office on my wfh day. In reality he barely speaks to me, doesn’t need me in the office and just doesn’t agree with wfh. He’s like this with everyone who tries to wfh, not just me.

I can live with being in the office. What I can’t live with with is not being able to do my job because I am not allowed on teams meetings because it is “too disruptive”. I manage a tech team of multiple disciplines. I am the only person of my job role in my team, but there are 5 across the organisation, one in each team and we are all experiencing this issue. Only my job role from the tech department are office based, the others are remote workers, therefore my entire team is working remotely and I have no other way to get in touch other than teams and email. The office is large open plan with 3 meeting rooms and no ‘cubbys’ for taking calls. There are a number of different departments in the office – customer care, sales, marketing, operations etc. Their whole teams are office based.

Understandably I cannot take up a meeting room for the entire time I am on calls – I have been told this is not a solution. I am having to do everything via email which is time consuming and quite frankly ridiculous – we do loads of demos and live drawings and discussions, I should literally be spending my day in calls with various different people and I just cant. As a result I am not being effective, my team are complaining they can’t get info and decisions off me and I am just completely out the loop – as a result the team is making mistakes, work is delayed etc. It’s a shit show.

I have spoken with my manager (home based) and he has spoken to his manager (hybrid) my manager is understanding but powerless to change the situation – he is also the other of my roles managers and confirmed they all have the same problem. His manager has said “everyone else is coping, we just need to get on with it” basically inferring we are just trying to wfh so we can slack off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us, and that is not acceptable, I’ve suggested they put us all in a far corner, away from others – also not acceptable. I’ve asked for solutions from them and been told “email” or get people in the office. I am not able to get them in the office, they have wfh, remote contracts and are based country wide (and in other countries).

I just don’t know what to do!

WIBU to just stop doing my job and wait to be fired? They don’t seem to care.

What does your contract state ? Because if you’re feeling like you have no option to leave it could be breech of contract / constructive dismissal. You need to review your contract with citizens advice and find out where you stand with your contract. Then you look at your hr policies. If you’ve tried to escalate it with your immediate line management and they can’t do anything - then you need to raise it formally. If you’re co in probation be prepared for dismissal.

Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:22

Also, you think they might inform me of that AND let the other PMs WFH, but they don't.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 25/09/2026 20:19

Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:11

Could it be the fact that you're on probation mean that they would like to see you competent in the basics, see you, know you're able to cope, responsible and able to be with interacting with clients and staff alike?

It sounds to me this is the case. You don't employ a hopeful new member to just wfh in a new role on their own

Guidance/shadowing/observation/mentoring is needed.

At this stage you need to comply, not think you know everything until you've proved to be trustworthy of doing so.

Yes, you may know what you're doing, but you have to prove it, like all jobs.

Except a) I'm not client facing and b) I can't interact with my colleagues except via email. c) there's no shadowing/ mentoring/ guidance or observation.

I've been left to my own devices since week 2. Which is completely fine, I'm perfectly capable of doing the job and asking for guidance when I don't know (via email).

Finally, I don't care if I'm full time in the office I do care that I can't take any calls.

OP posts:
Realworld10 · 25/09/2026 20:11

Could it be the fact that you're on probation mean that they would like to see you competent in the basics, see you, know you're able to cope, responsible and able to be with interacting with clients and staff alike?

It sounds to me this is the case. You don't employ a hopeful new member to just wfh in a new role on their own

Guidance/shadowing/observation/mentoring is needed.

At this stage you need to comply, not think you know everything until you've proved to be trustworthy of doing so.

Yes, you may know what you're doing, but you have to prove it, like all jobs.

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