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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel set up to fail in a hybrid role?

280 replies

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 15:39

Firstly, I am already looking for a new job because this place is going to hell in a handbasket.

I recently started a new job – I am experienced in my role and have done it for several years. I was hired on a hybrid basis, 4 days in the office and one at home. All fine, except in the 2 months I have been there I have worked one day at home as the Ops Manager (not my direct manager but a company director so big cheese) keeps finding excuses for why he needs me in the office on my wfh day. In reality he barely speaks to me, doesn’t need me in the office and just doesn’t agree with wfh. He’s like this with everyone who tries to wfh, not just me.

I can live with being in the office. What I can’t live with with is not being able to do my job because I am not allowed on teams meetings because it is “too disruptive”. I manage a tech team of multiple disciplines. I am the only person of my job role in my team, but there are 5 across the organisation, one in each team and we are all experiencing this issue. Only my job role from the tech department are office based, the others are remote workers, therefore my entire team is working remotely and I have no other way to get in touch other than teams and email. The office is large open plan with 3 meeting rooms and no ‘cubbys’ for taking calls. There are a number of different departments in the office – customer care, sales, marketing, operations etc. Their whole teams are office based.

Understandably I cannot take up a meeting room for the entire time I am on calls – I have been told this is not a solution. I am having to do everything via email which is time consuming and quite frankly ridiculous – we do loads of demos and live drawings and discussions, I should literally be spending my day in calls with various different people and I just cant. As a result I am not being effective, my team are complaining they can’t get info and decisions off me and I am just completely out the loop – as a result the team is making mistakes, work is delayed etc. It’s a shit show.

I have spoken with my manager (home based) and he has spoken to his manager (hybrid) my manager is understanding but powerless to change the situation – he is also the other of my roles managers and confirmed they all have the same problem. His manager has said “everyone else is coping, we just need to get on with it” basically inferring we are just trying to wfh so we can slack off. I’ve suggested the 5 of my job role take up one of the meeting rooms all together, like a mini- office for us, and that is not acceptable, I’ve suggested they put us all in a far corner, away from others – also not acceptable. I’ve asked for solutions from them and been told “email” or get people in the office. I am not able to get them in the office, they have wfh, remote contracts and are based country wide (and in other countries).

I just don’t know what to do!

WIBU to just stop doing my job and wait to be fired? They don’t seem to care.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:40

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:34

So 5 other PMs
also working in the office alongside you
also in silence?

Yes.

They also think it's batshit.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:39

PuppyMonkey · 24/09/2026 17:21

I’m sure all these catch up meetings you have are essential OP, but are you sure they couldn’t just be an email?

The catch ups aren't meetings I initiate, they were in place pre me and are run by a manager of the tech team. He doesn't think they should be emails.

The other meetings are discussions and collaborations, not me imparting information I could write up in an email. They're the sort of thing you'd sit round one person's desk for, if you were in a normal office and your team were there as well.

The meetings are very normal for teams who work in agile and scrum, I've worked in 4 places in 20 years before moving here and all very similar - I'm not making meetings for meetings sake.

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:34

So 5 other PMs
also working in the office alongside you
also in silence?

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:33

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:14

Who have they rehired? So there’s other Project Managers in this business? What do they do?

Edited

Sorry, hired to to the roles they vacated, not rehired the same individuals.

Yes 5 project managers, one for each arm of the tech team. There used to 6 and a head of. They used to all be remote. About 6 months ago they did a "consultation" which resulted in them all being made to work from the office. 2 left and the head of also went. I'm unclear if redundancy or by choice. They hired replacements for the 2 who left - me, and another person who hasn't started yet.

The other project managers are being very candid about the day to day of their jobs (I have asked) but are also not allowed on calls. One told me he was looking elsewhere and knew the others were as well. Another told me she was finding the situation impossible but "it is what it is".

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 24/09/2026 17:21

I’m sure all these catch up meetings you have are essential OP, but are you sure they couldn’t just be an email?

goodnessidontknow · 24/09/2026 17:16

I agree this is unworkable and batshit of the manager. As a workaround can you join the meetings muted and type your comments in the chat so at least you have real time input and your team know you are involved. You can then follow up in more detail by email. It shouldn't be that way but it's got to be better than relying on post meeting follow up alone which is disjointed. Then you can sneak into a meeting room to have 121 catch ups where needed. I'm not surprised you're looking for something else.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:14

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:11

Thank you!

I'm so used to basically being on teams all day!

Yes I have some other work to-do as well but it's less than 50% of my job. Calls with my team are integral to my role.

I do suspect there's bigger issues at play.

A colleague told me he was surprised they hired me, not me personally but to my role. They had assumed that getting all PMs back in the office was a ploy to get rid of them without having to make redundancies, and then they went and rehired the ones who left!

Who have they rehired? So there’s other Project Managers in this business? What do they do?

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 17:13

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:01

Several times a day;

I'm a Project Manager.

We have stand up every morning (which I'm supposed to run). Each week I do 4-5 meetings called "3 amigos" where we discuss the specifics of the work each person is going to be doing, they ask questions about it etc. I do 3 fortnightly meetings with the whole team. I do demo meetings a few times a week, 1:1s monthly with each member of my team and "leads catch up" once a week with all the leads of all disciplines and a once weekly planning meeting with my team. A weekly design meeting.

My current strategy is to get all these recorded and listen back to them, then email for follow up/ questions I have. The ones I run, I email questions before hand and then listen to the recordings and email any follow up. But it's slow and difficult and frustrating.

How long have you been there for? When is your probation due to end?

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:11

JustWalnut · 24/09/2026 17:08

I'm in a similar role and I can't even imagine trying to do all those meetings without being on an actual call, that's insane!

Thank you!

I'm so used to basically being on teams all day!

Yes I have some other work to-do as well but it's less than 50% of my job. Calls with my team are integral to my role.

I do suspect there's bigger issues at play.

A colleague told me he was surprised they hired me, not me personally but to my role. They had assumed that getting all PMs back in the office was a ploy to get rid of them without having to make redundancies, and then they went and rehired the ones who left!

OP posts:
JustWalnut · 24/09/2026 17:08

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:01

Several times a day;

I'm a Project Manager.

We have stand up every morning (which I'm supposed to run). Each week I do 4-5 meetings called "3 amigos" where we discuss the specifics of the work each person is going to be doing, they ask questions about it etc. I do 3 fortnightly meetings with the whole team. I do demo meetings a few times a week, 1:1s monthly with each member of my team and "leads catch up" once a week with all the leads of all disciplines and a once weekly planning meeting with my team. A weekly design meeting.

My current strategy is to get all these recorded and listen back to them, then email for follow up/ questions I have. The ones I run, I email questions before hand and then listen to the recordings and email any follow up. But it's slow and difficult and frustrating.

I'm in a similar role and I can't even imagine trying to do all those meetings without being on an actual call, that's insane!

JoanOgden · 24/09/2026 17:07

This is absolute madness. I'd almost be inclined to fake an ailment which means you have to work from home for a few weeks so you can actually get some work done! I wonder why they're wasting your salary like this - baffling and I can only presume there's some top-level power battle in which you're a pawn.

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 17:01

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:52

How often do you need to have these team calls?

Several times a day;

I'm a Project Manager.

We have stand up every morning (which I'm supposed to run). Each week I do 4-5 meetings called "3 amigos" where we discuss the specifics of the work each person is going to be doing, they ask questions about it etc. I do 3 fortnightly meetings with the whole team. I do demo meetings a few times a week, 1:1s monthly with each member of my team and "leads catch up" once a week with all the leads of all disciplines and a once weekly planning meeting with my team. A weekly design meeting.

My current strategy is to get all these recorded and listen back to them, then email for follow up/ questions I have. The ones I run, I email questions before hand and then listen to the recordings and email any follow up. But it's slow and difficult and frustrating.

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:52

How often do you need to have these team calls?

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 16:47

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:35

Oh apparently they are able to do their job in “silence” 🤔

Basically op they’ll the more to this and for some reason you’re wasting your own time by asking for advice but not being upfront about what’s actually going on

Seriously what do think is going on? Because I'm flummoxed!

It's a really weird set up, a really oppressive atmosphere and just a bit batshit.

OP posts:
PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 24/09/2026 16:44

If you're planning on resigning, I'd just have the meetings in the open plan office. Tell them it's the only way. Reiterate what happens when you don't attend and possibly even say you're making it impossible to do your job.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 24/09/2026 16:43

Assuming there are teams meetings you're specifically declining because you're not allowed to attend, I'd email the difficult boss every time, detailing the implications of not attending (delay, confusion), or attend and talk and wait for the complaint.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:36

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 16:34

I've posted on Mumsnet immediately after having a meeting with my manager (for the upteenth time) AND his manager. Where I was told I have to "find a way". I have sent them an email with my concerns and solutions I've suggested that have been turned down. I've also been to HR regarding the hybrid nature of the role to be told "needs of the business".

I'm now on my way home. Going to speak to DH and hand in my notice I think.

Yes I think for the best. They may say you don’t even need to come in for your weeks notice given you’re on probation

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:35

sunflower85 · 24/09/2026 16:33

How are the customer care and salespeople able to do their jobs also if they can’t be on calls?

Oh apparently they are able to do their job in “silence” 🤔

Basically op they’ll the more to this and for some reason you’re wasting your own time by asking for advice but not being upfront about what’s actually going on

PruLeithsNecklace · 24/09/2026 16:35

I think you need to go to them and say unless I can work from home I’ll have no option but to hand my notice in because you won’t let me take calls in the office or in a meeting room and I need to be able to make calls as part of my job.

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 16:34

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:28

Are you WFH today?

Why don’t you arrange a meeting with your manager? Mumsnet isn’t going to be able to do anything

I've posted on Mumsnet immediately after having a meeting with my manager (for the upteenth time) AND his manager. Where I was told I have to "find a way". I have sent them an email with my concerns and solutions I've suggested that have been turned down. I've also been to HR regarding the hybrid nature of the role to be told "needs of the business".

I'm now on my way home. Going to speak to DH and hand in my notice I think.

OP posts:
sunflower85 · 24/09/2026 16:33

How are the customer care and salespeople able to do their jobs also if they can’t be on calls?

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:28

Are you WFH today?

Why don’t you arrange a meeting with your manager? Mumsnet isn’t going to be able to do anything

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/09/2026 16:27

They don't know how they want the role to function.

I'd imagine there are more issues that they don't have clarity on and aren't delivering effectively.

Document your workable solutions.

Keep looking for something else.

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 16:25

Thundertoast · 24/09/2026 16:17

What would happen if you just went on calls anyway, sorry if i've missed this. Do you get told you're being disruptive and to stop? What would happen if you asked the person telling you to stop how you should communicate with your team given the need for screenshare etc?

Yes, I got told it was disruptive and I wasn't to take calls at my desk. So I booked meeting rooms for my calls and was told that wasn't what meeting rooms were for, they were for in person meetings. I then asked what I should do and was told email.

The other people of my job role are in the same position and I've spoken to them - they're all looking for another job. It's awful. They basically sit twiddling their thumbs. They were all remote until a few months ago.

OP posts:
Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 16:22

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 16:16

There are a number of different departments in the office – customer care, sales, marketing, operations etc.

So lots of incoming and outgoing calls

Yet you say “silent” office?

No calls. No work phones or desk phones, no headsets for any one except my team. If they need a team meeting they book a meeting room.

OP posts: