Abandoned at 6 weeks pregnant - AIBU to shut down?

First step is getting therapy. There should be some helplines for those who have experienced domestic abuse. Speak to your doctor and they may be able to sign post you to help or refer you.

Don't blame yourself for what happened. Abusive men are good at manipulation. I'm so sorry you've had to experience it. I've been in an abusive relationship myself. Remember that you're not alone. Many people have experienced the same/similar.

You have time to go through an abortion. So give yourself time to process everything, as much as you can anyway. You're still really early on. It's not something you have to do right now.

My husband has never known his biological father. He left early on when my husband was a baby. I don't know much about what happened exactly as it's not something his mum talks about (understandably), but from what I do know, it wasn't a healthy relationship. My husband is wonderful, so single parents can raise children just fine on their own. Just in case you don't think you could do it on your own.

But also, like others have said, it would tie you to him and he could use the child to further abuse you/try to control you or abuse the child. I'm not sure if you'd be able to stop any attempts at him being able to make contact, like if you have evidence of him abusing you/there's evidence of how he hurt his other children.

You are still young, and there are other options (sperm donors/you might meet someone). You have time.

But well done on leaving! I know first hand how hard it is. You're incredibly strong, never ever doubt that.

I wish you the best! I hope things get better and you come to a decision that is best for you.

You’ve certainly done the right thing by getting rid of him. He sounds awful and has being misleading and lying to you. Be grateful that you spoke to his ex and also that you didn’t find all this out once you’d had a baby with him.

Only you can decide what to do now. Take your time and get help. Speak to the midwives and get counselling or advice. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Sorry that you’re family are not more supportive perhaps they just don’t know what to say. There’s no need to rush into anything as you need to make the right decision for you at the current time with the current circumstances. I hope it all works out for you.

I don’t know that if I wanted to be a mum and at 34 and pregnant if I would have an abortion. I am pro abortion, but time and fertility are against you once you hit 35. I had a cancer scare last year and the GYNO who did my colposcopy was very blunt that if my partner and I wanted to be parents, and if we didn’t get pregnant within 3 months of trying come back for testing (ie don’t waste 3-9 months of potentially fertile cycles!)

What support would you need or want to have a baby? Can you afford to pay for it? Maternity nurse, part time nanny ect

I feel your pain and bewilderment, and I also can hear the deliberations you are trying to make. I don't have a solution, but I think you do need to be a little more circumspect about your situation. If you do continue with the pregnancy and have this child, you cannot 100% be sure that this slimeball will not re-enter your life or the child's life. You seem to think that this will not happen, but you can't guarantee that at all (unless you change your identity and go into protective custody or something similar!). The other thing you do want to consider is how little support you are getting right now in this crisis from your immediate family. Doesn't sound like they're really there for you. Raising a child on your own is a herculean task in the best of times with lots of support to draw on. Is being a mother such an important achievement in your life that you're willing to take the risk of doing it in an unsupportive environment? Is that really what you're hankering for when you say you want to be a mother? Anyway, I applaud you for having the scales peeled back from your eyes about this relationship and I hope you make a good decision for both you and the potential child. Good luck.

Normally I wouldn't be vocal about such a personal decision but in this case I would recommend to have an abortion.

• Father horrible person, abusive to you AND his children. If he decides to fuck with your mind one day he will ask for 50/50- imagine sending your child to that fucker?
• Genetics. Since you are no longer with the twat you can consider him as a donor. Nobody would want him as a donor. Not only his personality traits but also SEN. Tough life for a single mum- I can tell you from experience and I got my husband.
• You need some therapy to rebuild yourself. You are very vulnerable and need to someone to help you with past trauma and it's implications on the present
• In an ideal world you have a child with someone you love and your child will have two adults who love them and care for them.

Just want yo give you a hug right now...x

Natty, we are here holding your hand, you are not alone. You need to heal so that one day in the future you can be a perfect mum. It is just not your time yet x

You poor thing. If he beat his other kids you don't want him in your life either way. Cannot advise on the abortion but either way you did the right thing by cutting him out of your life. If you do have his child though you will always be linked and he could walk back in at some point. Very serious consideration.

And I agree some are talking about how they had the child and the man was an arsehole . But you have someone disturbed and dangerous, another level . Sadistic and cruel .

if he drove you to suicide , this was already very bad .

Do yourself a favour and get an abortion asap!

As I said in previous message , let us virtually handhold . We want to help . I’m so sorry your friends and family are shit . I’ve no family because mine were . This isn’t just about the abortion , you need therapy to look at valuing yourself and seeing your worth . It seems although you have found out some really vile stuff about him , he drove you to being suicidal . You need therapy to look at why you accepted that and to find ways to know your worth and not repeat .

And this is why we always do a Claires snd sarahs law instead of taking men at their word! Because they all lie.
Personally I would have a termination as I wouldn't want any tie to him. But you need to do the best for you

You are doing the right thing not bringing a baby into the world, related to him.

He will always be there, waiting and watching. Psychos men who hurt kids

you have so long to have kids, you are so young!!

I'm sorry this sounds like a nightmare 😞 I don't think anyone here can tell you what to do but don't rush into a decision of your unsure, even just sleeping on it and making sure that's the right decision for you. It's a horrible position to be in when you want to be a mum and this man has lied to you. Whatever you decide I hope motherhood happens for you in the future as it sounds like that's what you want

You are grieving a relationship and all that you thought it was. Of course this decision feels hard and you are upset about it all. There won't be an instant fix to those feelings.

But you don't need to feel guilty aboout ending a pregnancy just because having a baby with him was once something you might have yearned for. Situations and people change - it's okay to be sad. You can still be brave and make a difficult choice with the best intentions.

Good luck - I would see that as a first step to building the life you want on more stable foundations. I would then make sure to seek your some mental health support to work through the various issues you have had to overcome. You can build a great life for yourself - you just need to build some stronger foundations for it and good mental health is key to that.

We're here with you.

It will be ok.

You're amazing and we love you.

Natty Eagle, you are so brave and clear sighted. I wish you well in every hoop
you have to jump through to free yourself from this appalling situation.

You haven’t missed your chance! You could have another 8/9 years to have a baby. Even more. You’ve been pregnant twice in 3 years which isn’t a sign of future infertility. Heal yourself before you bring a child into the world . You do not want history to repeat itself. Break the cycle and get well.

You sound confused which is very understandable. I thinking counselling is a really good idea so you can talk through your feelings rather than relying on relatives who sound like they are being a bit unsupportive.

You have no choice but to forget him because he’s not interested in a life with you or your child. You would be a fool to keep this baby knowing what you now know. Do you really want to raise a child with his genes?
And you say you’ve never been loved by anyone else. He didn’t love you either and I’m afraid wallowing in self pity is not going to change anything. Put your big girls pants on. Accept you saw the red flags and did nothing about them for whatever reason you want.
You alone are the only person in charge of your own happiness. You need to make friends, get a good network around you. People want to be around happy people as they’re all dealing with their own crap and probably can’t cope with anymore. It took two to get pregnant and yes you were silly to have unprotected sex but don’t do it again. Make sure the next man, if you meet one, wants you for you and wants a baby with YOU. So many unplanned babies who ended up in orbit fathers because they weren’t really wanted in the first place. It’s not fair on them.

That's an expensive option though and we don't know the OPs circumstances.

Your choice of course, but I don't think I would want to have this man's child.

But they are not married so she doesn’t have to name him & divulge his name to registrar. Depends if you can support you & baby.