Abandoned at 6 weeks pregnant - AIBU to shut down?

Even if you raise the baby as a single mum, the absence of your ex and his horrible character will still hang over you and your child. I would definitely have an abortion.

Op what red flags did you ignore?

He is physically abusive to his existing children 😞

What a shock Op! Being kind i would say having the baby of an abuser would not be good for you and it certainly isn't fair on the baby.

No baby deserves a Dad like him. In your shoes if abort rather than risk him wanting to see baby at some point and if he got shared custody you'd spend your days worried sick he'd abuse your baby.

I would absolutely terminate in your position. And get some therapy or do the freedom program to work on your reasons for choosing/being manipulated by such a horrible abusive man.

You do not deserve to feel horrible, whatever you decide to do about the baby. Give yourself at least a few days to decide. You've had a massive shock after finding out the truth about this absolute waste of space and your head must be spinning.

You're not the first and you won't be the last woman to find herself in a similar situation. It's not your fault.

Ending the relationship was definitely the right choice and I applaud you for that. I don't want to give too many of my thoughts about what you should do, because that's ultimately your decision, but the fact that you're hoping for a miscarriage speaks volumes.

Take your time to think things through. And whatever happens, you'll be just fine.

Absolutely. I think there is a very real possibility that this child and/or you could be harmed by him in the future. I would make sure he could never have any access to me for any reason given what he has done to his previous partner and children. Unless you change your name and disappear from the area and be untraceable I think you know you are facing potentially very serious problems continuing with this pregnancy.

I was that age when i ended a relationship with the man I had hoped I would marry + have kids with. I felt so free when I did it. I contemplated solo motherhood (which would be a breeze compared with trying to coparent with an abuser) and ended up starting a family after 40 with the loveliest man ever.
I know others who did too.

To bring a child into this world with a parent like that is opening up the both of you to a lifetime of abuse. Perhaps op, this is not your time.

I had a baby at 38 and am pregnant with another at 40, you have time. The best gift a mother can give their child is a solid co parent- I feel like this will end badly for the pair of you if you continue. Don’t start this baby’s life living in fear of their dad- he will hurt you both more than you can imagine.

My advice would be to imagine your baby at 9 yo in the hospital because their father assaulted them,

Then I would take the abortion pills because being a mother means sacrificing for your child.

This is hard and it will hurt, but you can protect a future child from a life of trauma and suffering.

As for his ex, honestly she has four kids who have experienced extreme trauma. She doesn’t have the emotional space to support you. I know you hoped you could support eachother but she has enough on her plate. That’s not a reasonable expectation.

I wouldn't make a decision until you have spoken with your counsellor. You have a tough decision to make and lots of tough emotions to work through. And with a limited time frame.
You have had an abortion before and survived. In a way, the fact that this guy told you so early into the pregnancy gives you more options than if he'd left it later or until you'd had your baby.
Whilst I have no idea what I'd do in your situation, the tie to such a nasty man might make me think twice about continuing this pregnancy. I can also understand your age playing on your mind and your desire to be a mum. (I had my first at 34! And after I'd given up on relationships!)
Just breathe and know you will make a decision and it will be right for you. Take a day at a time. Let the future take care of itself.

Name changed for this, in my line of work I see absolute bastards getting access to their kids. I’m convinced in many cases it’s to spite the mums rather than actually wanting contact given the way they conduct themselves. Things you think would be absolute red flags nope they still get supervised access and their mums have to bring them here, leave their kids with dads who have often abused the mums in every which way.
if you already feel love for your wee clump of cells, please don’t subject them to this or indeed yourself.
Otherwise can you get far away during your pregnancy, do you have any family our friends miles away who could help you? Make it hard for him if he changes him mind and asks for contact.

Don’t have this baby. You reason don’t want to be tied to this criminal. You’ll get loads of support on here.

You could not have prevented this. None of this is your fault. Yes, there may have been red flags you ignored but that still doesn't make any of it your fault. Like, in absolutely no shape or form. So please don't believe if anyone says it is.
You've done the right thing kicking him out. Doesn't matter if it is later than it should have been. We are all very smart in the hindsight but I promise you, every single one of us put up with a tosser thinking the sun shined out of their arses despite evidence to the contrary. It's a universal human experience.

And it will not be your fault if you decide to end the pregnancy either. Again, don't let anyone tell you so.

There were already tons of red flags flying around that man - you must have felt like you were going mad at times.

Honestly, if I were you I'd have an abortion and think I'd done the right thing in not giving a child a father like him. Can you imagine the trouble he could be to you and a child in future? Can you imagine sending a child off to stay at his, even for a few hours? He's really awful. Learn from his ex's mistakes and end this now for everyone's sakes.

You sound as though you are really strong - you made the decision to end the relationship immediately, which is really great. I'd take the pills and tbh I'd probably try to move away from that area. I wouldn't want to ever see him again.

I’m really sorry to say this but i would have an abortion I would you want to take the risk that this nutcase could convince officials that he had changed and have access to my baby. I would definitely not have the baby for this reason it would always be a tie to him.
I would also move if I could and start a fresh somewhere else and wait for a kind decent man to come along and have a child with them.

He beat up a 9 year old ??

I am sorry OP but this alone would have made the decision for me.

You may have ignored the red flags, but what if he wants contact with this child one day.

I would end this pregnancy. This child will have a serious abuser father and the risk to this child is very high.

This.

I think you really just need to rationalise and question whether you’d want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life. People often romanticise the baby stage when considering having a child, forgetting that it only lasts a year… Even when they become an adult, you still have a tie to the other parent. He may or may not step up and decide he wants to support you, it sounds like he wouldn’t though so you’d 100% be alone from the start. Not just that but he abused his older child, would you really even want an abuser around your child? That aside, the child may look like him and you’d have a permanent reminder of the fucker.

Just take the pills, I would. It’s the only rational and logical decision to make. Some women have a child in their late 40s / early 50s now. You’re clearly able to get pregnant so do it with a sperm donor if necessary, just not with this abusive twat.

It’s sad on many levels.
I agree with this comment. Lots of women become mothers when they’re older.
You have had a lucky escape.

I think it's extremely risky to have a child with a man like this. Right now he tells you he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby, but what if he changes his mind - what if he starts to claim some kind of paternity right? This violent, abusive, lying man? You'll be tied to him forever if you have his child. Even if he stays away, you're condemning a child to a life without a father, but one day you'll have to say who the father is and then the child has to live with the fact the father is a psycho. I'm sorry but either way it's a terrible idea and awfully unethical on the unborn person who's got no choice in all this.
As for whether you'll manage to have a child with someone else, well, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. I don't think that's a reason to persevere with this absolute disaster of a situation.

Put a positive spin on it! It’s been a learning experience. You have learned a lot about red flags and not to ignore and follow up on any doubts. You are coming out of this bruised but stronger and wiser.

Shitty men are not your fault.

If you have this child, this abusive piece of shit will be in your life forever. At any time, he could appear in you and your child’s life and make things horrible for you both. No matter how much he says he won’t be interested in your child, you will live the rest of your life worrying that he will appear. It could become a way to control you.

There are other opportunities for a child, ones that don’t tie you and your child to an abuse.

Well done for getting shot of him.